2 minus 1 Nation Theory

I think we can all safely call the 2-nation theory an abject failure.

So we approach Diwali 2007. Another Diwali, another festive season. Went to the Great India Place mall yesterday, with A and her ‘sisters/cousins’ or they will be once she gets married. Her Fiance ditched me, leaving me at the mercy of so much oestrogen (or however that’s spelt). The mall is huge, the Metro line is almost built, and the DND toll bridge just keeps expanding westwards and eastwards. Ah progress

Speaking of Progress…

Dear Musharraf – thank you for declaring an Emergency in Pakistan. Will somebody please suggest the disbanding of Pakistan as a country? Please? Those people are better off under Indian rule. Pakistan and Bangladesh are both ridiculous jokes as countries go. It’s time they stopped pretending to be separate countries and re-joined the Indian Union. We all know this is the ideal solution for everyone, though nobody wants to say it. Why is it ideal (WARNING: MBA Bullet Points ahead)?

  • Those nukes will no longer be pointed at India, but a part of it. Safer.
  • With more Muslims as a part of India, communal violence will decrease, not increase
  • We’ll wipe out the stupid Taliban threat and send Bin Laden packing
  • The people of Pakistan/B’Desh will actually get a taste of economic growth, political stability, and RELATIVELY more AUTHENTIC democracy.
  • KASHMIR KASHMIR KASHMIR

And I’m sure you can come up with more advantages.

As a start, I suggest the Indian Government make this announcement on live television now.

And then, as step 2, we’ll rename both Countries Purav & Paschim Islam Pradesh or some such thing temporarily before reverting to the actual state names (Punjab, Sindh, Baluchistan, East Bengal, e.t.c) while the transition takes place.

Then we need to appoint some temporary leaders. Ambassadors, this is your chance. Make ’em the viceroys or Chief Ministers of the new states. Say you that you will give moral and diplomatic support to all citizens of the former Pakistan/Bangladesh in their fight to rejoin the Indian Union. Let them rally round the Indian Embassies as a focal point, and get rid of their existing idiot leaders. I’m willing to wager many of these people will happily join up.

Of course, there is the issue of whether we want this rabble to join our country. I say yes, we do. They will be much better off under Indian rule than not. But I’m no George Bush. I don’t suggest we walk in with an army and impose Indian rule on them. I think judging by recent events, it should be obvious which country these people want to be a part of. If we all get together and nudge them in that direction, maybe we can bring this transition about peacefully. I’m serious.

Yea, you can call it a crazy idea all you want. I know I’m right, and you know it’s the truth.

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