Yes, it is the small stuff, stupid

Mister Shit-for-brains is at it again

So apparently, there is no standardisation in India. This might be true for 99.9999% of things. Maybe. Or not.

Let’s take telephone numbers for example. Now Mr. Clueless is struggling with something as basic as the phone system. Well since Mr. Clueless here is unable to spot patterns, I shall do it for him.

All telephone numbers, barring the “special” numbers and the toll-free numbers in India are 10 digits long. Wha? You mean just like our Great American-do-no-wrong overlords? Yes. 10 Digits. All of them.

1) Fixed line Numbers:

All fixed line numbers, when taken together with their STD code, total up to 10 digits. Example:

11-4161-2345 (a New Delhi Fixed Line number – Airtel’s Customer Service line actually)

22-2364-1522(a Bombay number)

172-256-6499(a Chandigarh number)

Oh no, the end of the world is upon us. The Chandigarh number has a 3 digit STD code, and a 7 digit number, whereas the Delhi number has a 2 digit STD code and a 8 digit number. I am going to lose 0.0001 paise in opportunity cost attempting to figure out what to do. I could have spent that extra processing power figuring our how to molest my neighbour. Boohoo. And the really sharp people amongst you 1st-graders may have noticed that the deeper you go into a remote/not-so-populated area, the smaller the phone number gets, and the larger the STD code. But they are all 10 digits long taken together. Wow. It’s magic.

 And not that it’ll help you in anyway, but you can also identify the service provider of the landline by the first digit.

So for Delhi…: 

2XXX-XXXX – MTNL

3XXX-XXXX – Reliance

4XXX-XXXX – Airtel

6XXX-XXXX – Tata (used to 5 upon a time)

Gee, have I spent the last 200 years memorising phone numbers? Nope. I just happen to stay awake, and ensure that my head is not up my arsehole.

Emergency Numbers:

100 Police

101 Fire

102 Ambulance

I know this to be true of most cities. I don’t know what the rural situation is. Again, it just requires someone to pull their head out of their arsehole.

2) Mobile numbers:

All mobile phone numbers begin with 9, and are 10 digits long as well. Currently, Mobile phones have been assigned to the following series: 92 (Tata), 93 (Reliance), 94 (BSNL), 98, 99 (Airtel, Hutch, Idea, Others).

Wowwee, does that mean you can figure out if the person who is calling you is doing so from a landline or a mobile, just by looking at the number? As opposed to the USA? Oh my God, could there actually be some BENEFIT to this? Why yes, you can indentify your caller to a better extent. Are they at home? Are they on the move? Is this an invasion of privacy? Sure, but then so is caller ID. Get over it.

Question by an idiot: What happens when 7-digit Chandigarh starts to run out of numbers? Well well, Sunny Jim, Chandigarh will then simply latch on the ‘2’ in its STD code to the existing 7 digit numbers. So… 172-256-6401 would become 17-2256-6401. Now all of a sudden you have tons of space to create more 8 digit numbers, as and when you need them. They can be 1000-0000 all the way up to 9999-9999. Wow, aren’t numbers neat.

Addresses

Here are some sample New Delhi Addresses:

81, Jor Bagh, New Delhi, 110003, India

W-144, Greater Kailash-I, New Delhi, 110048, India

M-5, Saket, New Delhi, 1100-something, India

3, Udyog Vihar Phase-I, Gurgaon, Haryana, 122-something, India

Gee, they don’t seem so complicated. Could it be the fact that when Indians tack on the “Near Pappu Cinema” or “Opposite Dey Mental Hospital”, they use those landmarks to help their friends, and other various strangers, and NOT the Postal Serivce, (which usually is very aware of what is in its zip code)?

And…if you are having trouble finding your way around in an Indian city – I strongly recommend you buy one of these excellent products…

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