What I learned In The City Part 6

Melbourne – Updated!

Theme Song: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by an Ozzie Cali Band – Green Day (Don’t you think Men-At-Work would have been just a bit TOO predictable?)

Okay continuing on with tradition:

1) (Most Important) – Cellphones cost the same in Australia as they do in India, and cheap prepaid means genuinely cheap prepaid. I even have 20 free international minutes, which I’m NOT going to use to call any of you suckaz. Can you handle that America? Ozzies know that there are other countries in the world, and that people might actually want to call people in those countries…they might even COME from other countries…

2) People in Australia are FRIENDLY. (but not friendly…at least I haven’t tried that out yet…). They’re also down-to-Earth. They know there is place called India out there – and that it consists of people who are good at Cricket. They’re even #1 in Cricket. They even believe that the world is round, that humans descended from Apes, and don’t need a label on the textbooks that tell them so, and that 0 degrees Longitude lies at the centre of a world map.

3) As mentioned in a previous post, the women are hot, and the men are not, so ignoring something a certain freelance Delhi Journalist said, I have a chance – with the WOMEN.

4) Melbourne is a Beautiful, with a capital B, city. Why? Because it is the first time I have EVER seen a drive-thru LIQUOR STORE ANYWHERE in my life. The cars drive in, they place their orders, and they drive out. Oh. My. God. (but one of my fellow MBA scohorts says that this exists in the Southern part of USA too). Oh did I mention there’s a Casino (Called the Crown) in Downtown Melbun? Haven’t been there yet, but how else is a broke student supposed to earn some money? Oh did I mention it has a nice skyline and great countryside by the suburbs too?

5) All the veggies and the Meat here looks and tastes Fresh, whereas in another continent across the Pacific, that shall remain nameless, the veggies and the chicken tastes like shit.

6) Melbourne is home to flies. Yes, you heard me correctly. Flies, in the summer. Not just any f-ing flies but fucking stick-to-you-until-you-contemplate-suicide type flies. At first I thought I’d brought them over from India, because Oz has a very fragile ecosystem (read Guns, Germs & Steel by Jared Diamond), and so they don’t allow anything organic into Australia. And I mean ANYTHING organic. It’s a wonder they let me in!But no, flies are native to Australia, and they come out when the temp goes over 27 degrees.

7)Apparently, out in the suburbs, you have to watch for Kangaroos crossing the roads in the
middle of the night. (I hope they hold hands and look both ways).

8)You just get a positive vibe from everybody here. You can sense that here lie people who are at peace with themselves, whereas in another continent-across-the-Pacific-that-shall-remain-nameless, you could sense the unrest of their souls. On the other hand, I could be talking Shit.

9)For some reason, Ozzies don’t like bathroom privacy. All the urinals were open, with no divisions between ‘em. I ended up suffering from a lot of stagefright. My poor kidneys. Following on from this, there are NO LOCKs on any internal house doors, including bathroom doors! Of course, all the Indians I met had kundis installed on their bathroom doors.

10) The Indians. They’re not Confused Desis here. I wondered why for while, and then I realized that they all migrated here in the late ’90s and early ’00s. So they don’t have any “I came here with 8 rupees in my pocket” type stories or “we didn’t do that back home in my village-called-New-Delhi in India when I was your age” type stories. They’re very chill, just like the Ozzies. I swear I saw a Tomato tell me to “have a gidday, mate” at the local Safeway. Further, even though we are very far away from India (it’s a 12 hour flight between Bombay and Sydney), I’ve never felt cut off from India like I did in America. (This could be because my cellphone works here, and people from India have been freely SMS-ing me and vice versa). I think it’s also because Ozzies haven’t cut themselves off from the rest of the world either like some other nameless continent across the Pacific.

11) Victoria Bitter is Australian for Beer, not Fosters. But to me, it tasted just like Fosters, only it was served in a bottle that looked like it should have been used to serve Phenyl or Cough Syrup, not Beer. Will try and upload pictures.

12) Australia’s Labour Laws are awful, much worse than India’s. I can just see the Typist Cartel jumping for joy and using Australia as an example of how strict labour laws can work, even in a free-market economy. They’re wrong, of course, and I have a post which will explain why coming up, once I move into my apartment. Oh I have a Parsi flatmate who looks JUST like Freddy Mercury. I swear it. I also have a flatmate from Bombay, but we all know what Bombay people are like. They’re not worth mentioing. Ouch.

13) Since we are so far south here, it’s possible even for Brown people to get sunburnt here. Weird. More UV rays, and less of the other stuff! My nose is PINK!

Hmmm, did I mention I’m only 10 minutes away from the MCG. That’s rights folks, stop wishing me a painful death!

Saket it is not called CatBlogging when Men do it, it’s called any one of the following:

KuttaBlogging, ChickenLit, DesiChickenLit, ButterChickenLit.

And guys there will most likely be a drop in post frequency (as may already have been witnessed). What with MBA studying, and chasing after hot Peruvian, Singaporean and Australian women, I just won’t have the time – unless I find something to piss me off (which seems unlikely in this country). Feel free to keep yourself occupied by sending me abuses in Hindi, or reading my older posts, or reminiscing to your Grandkids about how there once used to be this elite blogger called TTG who shook the establishment by its very foundations..”Lekin ab to woh sirf dil hi dil mein rehta hai”…or not. I might post something, but it’ll most likely be purely for me, and my small band of masochistsloyal followers….which is er… what I always did, so what’s changed really?


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