The Shame Of It All

Sad New Year’s Story…This is what Saket would call catblogging.

Something about the change of year brings me bad luck…

So…since about 1991, I haven’t celebrated a decent New Year’s Eve party. 99% of my New Year’s “celebrations” are bizarre occurrences. Let’s add a another pathetic one to the list….

So I go to an …acquaintance’s place for a party…I know this acquaintance somewhat. It’s been a brief acquaintance. She knows I like her in a non-platonic way (although…the feeling is not mutual). I decide that I will make out with her before the end of 2005 (or in the wee hours of 2006).

So I get to her place, complete with a half-bottle of Tequila, sit down, hang out, drink and talk.

The usual stuff, you know, like drinking games, and small talk.

Enter Big Annoying Stupid Tall Assholic Retard Dude. (or BASTARD, for short). Every attempt of mine at getting the woman alone, is thwarted by BASTARD. I go to the kitchen? He goes to the Kitchen. She wants to get to her secret stash of Vanilla Vodka (eww), I come along….and BASTARD barges in as well.

So this is not going so well, but TTG decides he’ll find a way to dispose of BASTARD…

But he doesn’t. Instead….BASTARD manages to get the woman alone…and then they disappear out into the balcony for about 20 minutes…

Possibility #1 – They went out to discuss Nuclear Physics, and why Einstein might be wrong.

Possibility #2 ……It’s New Years. Acquaintance is Lonely….

Anyway, so while this is happening, alcohol is inducing brain-stew in my mind. I’m thinking: “[Bad-word-for-fornication]!I have failed in my attempt to display my evolutionary mastery over the other primates at this social gathering. I will be relegated to a group of low-quality hunter-gathers. Alas! Woe is Me!”

TRANSLATION: “FUCK! I suck! I’m a loser!”

After hanging out at this party, all of the people were supposed to head on to another party elsewhere. But TTG had to sit down and take stock of the situation:

There are no single women here (there were only 4 women including Acquaintance, and the other 3 came with their boyfriends – this country has too much COCK I tell you!). Acquaintance has found her partner for the night. The party we’re going to may be no better..so…is there any point in hanging around here?

Further, being curfew boy, I have actually had a gazillion arguments with my dad this past festive season…
Is there any point in risking worse relations with my father without any potential for “action” tonight?

The word NO came blasting through the ethanol-induced haze in my mind.

So while Acquaintance and BASTARD were busy discussing the Benefits of Gene Therapy and Effects of Global Climate Change alone outside, TTG decided to put on his shoes and get his goonda jacket.

“Where are you going?” asked a sloshed chap.

“Oh just to go get something from my car” I replied.

And he drove back to his Cousin’s party…with his ‘tail’ between his legs.
Of course Acquaintance being a naive woman with oh-so-friendly intentions and all calls TTG about 30 mins later, wondering where he’s got to:

“I thought you said you were going to spend New Years with us” said she.

TTG’s mind is screaming – “YES, BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY!”. But instead his voice responded with “I did spend New Years with you”. (I was at her place till 1 am).

Awkward pause…..”….Ok….” said she.

“Ok, bye” Said I.

The End.

Waking up today in the morning, hungover, and scrooed, I realise maybe they were just discussing Particle Physics, however unlikely. But it’s too late now. Argh. To be free of Self-Esteem issues and to just have a good time. How difficult is that really? Now, how to face Acquaintance after all this? (Mercifully, I’m leaving soon!) Alcohol, you’ve betrayed me once again in my hour of need. That’s it, I’m turning to Cocaine instead.
New Year’s Eve/Day you’ve done it to me again too. But no matter. The rest of the year will be better. I think.

Now that all’s been said and done, I can even go forth and reveal who the acquaintance is.

But as you can see, they WERE discussing particle phsyics. Ah well.

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