A Trip To America

Well kind of…
A country’s embassy/consulate represents that country, and is considered foreign soil, so when this voice went to get his Visa at the US embassy today, you could say he went to America. Unfortunately, this part of America is in a pretty bizarre state…

Some Observations:
1) It was one of THE coldest days Delhi’s had this winter..hmm must be about 3/4 degrees…on checking the weather sites, they claim it’s actually about 8 degrees. I don’t think so..

2) Be sure to know EXACTLY what forms to submit at the counter outside the embassy, or watch how the old goat behind counter almost reduces you to tears making yo wonder if your Visa will be refused even before you set foot inside. *makes rude gesture with longest finger on right hand* – That’s to you, lady!

3) The Loo.
The waiting area inside has a loo. This loo is AWFUL. I guess America feels that us filthy Indians deserve filthy loos, even if they are inside the American Embassy. It is a very TINY LOO. There only 2 cubicles, and one of them is INDIAN style. As much I respect America attempting to respect other peoples’ cultures, this was NOT THE PLACE to do it…

4) Sardarjis. There were loads of them everywhere. But most of ‘em walked out smiling, so that could either be for one of two reasons: 1) American consular officials can tell the difference between Osama Bin Laden and a Sikh (SHOCKING, I TELL YOU!). 2) The sardars are smiling because they entered on a false name, got rejected and are laughing becuase “HAHA, the official didn’t reject me, he rejected somebody else whose name I to0k, HAHA” (Sorry, couldn’t resist an awful joke here..any sikhs who are reading this, I am 50% sikh, so I’m 50% allowed to make that joke ).

5) Propaganda. There is a TV installed in above the waiting lines and displays two videos.
The first is instructions on how to place your fingers on the fingerprint scanner – yes, we are all common criminals, who now have our fingerprints on file with the US government, because we look brown and could be terrorists (Like Timothy McVeigh, for example).
The second video, is a message from Colin Powell….it talks about how The ‘Greatest Democracy’ and ‘The Largest Democracy’ in the world have grown much closer, and also to thank the Indian people for lending a hand in Afghanistan (We’re building roads and mobile phone networks there, plus training the police force) and also in Iraq (not in a military capacity but in logistical and diplomatic ways). Finally the damn fool ends on the following note: In order for India to truly ‘benefit’ from Outsourcing, it should recprocate America’s “generosity” by opening up our country to more trade and free markets and such… So Mr. Powell tries to brainwash Visa applicants, lol.
Along with that is some bizarre poster-size photograph of some parade (4th of July maybe) which is up on the wall. In this photo, you see some a crowd of people, some guy’s rear facade (whom I affectionally titled LardButt) and balloons with the American flag on them… I’m still trying to figure out what I smoked before entering the building…

6) Never ever underestimate the power of an Ivy-League or other American college degree. Those consular officials are just ready and waiting to pounce on your weaknesses, and then you bring out your degree, and then they quieten down, heehee.

So it looks like I shall be on my way to New York/New Jersey soon…

In other news, the number of lost souls is up above 150,000. And this is why it’s been a very subdued New Years over here…although not every Delhi-ite wishes to admit it, but they all have hearts underneath that materialistic/hedonistic facade, and they all felt a little guilty partying in the face of such a tragedy.

May the rest of the year be good/better for all of us lucky enough to see it!

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