Lest we forget…

There is a reason your country is still called a Democracy…and it’s a damn good one

In recent times, good ‘ol democracy has come under attack. Democracy in India, democracy in Pakistan.

Apparently, “We” are not ready for democracy. Democracy, they tell us, requires some sort of nonsense called an enlightened populace, i.e. Switzerland. Others will tell you that ‘pure’ democracies are nonsense anyway, when all you really need are Republics.

Some pompous armchair idiots even go so far as to claim that democracy doesn’t matter to the average Joe (or Ramu) when all he wants is to feed himself and his kids. (Then of course, they conveniently contradict that statement when it goes against their overall bias of hating India, but that of course, is another story).

Then there are the more conventional types of morons - the ones who first say that India was better off under the British, and also who cares about Democracy when you can host Olympic Games, and build flyovers. Besides, aren’t Indians just a bunch of indisciplined louts which need an Iron Hand?

Some people point to the latest atrocity in West Bengal to point out that Democracy is not working in this country at all. The irony is that everything that has happened in Nandigram just goes to show what A GOOD THING it is that India is a democracy, and not anything like China.

Shame. On all of you.

2 minus 1 Nation Theory

I think we can all safely call the 2-nation theory an abject failure.

So we approach Diwali 2007. Another Diwali, another festive season. Went to the Great India Place mall yesterday, with A and her ’sisters/cousins’ or they will be once she gets married. Her Fiance ditched me, leaving me at the mercy of so much oestrogen (or however that’s spelt). The mall is huge, the Metro line is almost built, and the DND toll bridge just keeps expanding westwards and eastwards. Ah progress

Speaking of Progress…

Dear Musharraf - thank you for declaring an Emergency in Pakistan. Will somebody please suggest the disbanding of Pakistan as a country? Please? Those people are better off under Indian rule. Pakistan and Bangladesh are both ridiculous jokes as countries go. It’s time they stopped pretending to be separate countries and re-joined the Indian Union. We all know this is the ideal solution for everyone, though nobody wants to say it. Why is it ideal (WARNING: MBA Bullet Points ahead)?

• Those nukes will no longer be pointed at India, but a part of it. Safer.
• With more Muslims as a part of India, communal violence will decrease, not increase
• We’ll wipe out the stupid Taliban threat and send Bin Laden packing
• The people of Pakistan/B’Desh will actually get a taste of economic growth, political stability, and RELATIVELY more AUTHENTIC democracy.
• KASHMIR KASHMIR KASHMIR

And I’m sure you can come up with more advantages.

As a start, I suggest the Indian Government make this announcement on live television now.

And then, as step 2, we’ll rename both Countries Purav & Paschim Islam Pradesh or some such thing temporarily before reverting to the actual state names (Punjab, Sindh, Baluchistan, East Bengal, e.t.c) while the transition takes place.

Then we need to appoint some temporary leaders. Ambassadors, this is your chance. Make ‘em the viceroys or Chief Ministers of the new states. Say you that you will give moral and diplomatic support to all citizens of the former Pakistan/Bangladesh in their fight to rejoin the Indian Union. Let them rally round the Indian Embassies as a focal point, and get rid of their existing idiot leaders. I’m willing to wager many of these people will happily join up.

Of course, there is the issue of whether we want this rabble to join our country. I say yes, we do. They will be much better off under Indian rule than not. But I’m no George Bush. I don’t suggest we walk in with an army and impose Indian rule on them. I think judging by recent events, it should be obvious which country these people want to be a part of. If we all get together and nudge them in that direction, maybe we can bring this transition about peacefully. I’m serious.

Yea, you can call it a crazy idea all you want. I know I’m right, and you know it’s the truth.

There should be a medal…

For knowing what happens next….

So the first link comes from the Other India, who seems to have hired some kind of newbie who isn’t in the mould as the others. This is a very moderate, tempered article, relative to the usual crud.

And the second link goes EXACTLY according to plan, from our own beloved Hindu. (Link courtesy Recursive Hypocrisy .

What am I going on about? Why THIS, of course!

A short vacation

So I’m off to Bombay for 4 days…

…where I will get to see lots of celebrities and ‘High Net-Worth’ Individuals at an art exhibition being hosted by my sister. I will also attempt (for the 7th/8th time) to try and keep an open mind about the place, and see it the way everyone else sees it. I have been unable to do that thus far (if you’ve read any of my previous blog posts, that would be pretty obvious). I’ll do this by wandering the city by myself in search of….er.. I have no idea. Well maybe I’ll just walk along Marine Drive ogling at couples and pretending to be a Shiv Sena gangster. Or not. It’s 9.30 am and I am very sleepy. Yawn. So the to the 3/4 lurkers out there contributing to my hit counter, I’ll see y’all on Monday, or later.

A coincidence and a yawn…

So let me hereby state that I am no relation to the CM of Delhi, nor do I have (ewww) carnal knowledge of er…

Interesting. I write a post about Delhi, and why it’s the best-maintained city in all India.

And then today, this article appears in Mint, where the Chief Minister backs me up (well sort of)…

 And the best that Bombay can muster is this, linked to by Dilip D’Souza also a few days after my post, no less. To begin with, we have some unfair criticism and mis-statement of facts….

This isn’t Delhi, where public outcry ensued after Richard Gere recently planted a public kiss on the actress Shilpa Shetty at a fund-raiser.

Now, if someone had actually read newspapers, this is what they would have found:

The pair had appeared at a press conference in New Delhi as part of a campaign to preach safe sex to truck drivers in India, the country with the world’s largest proportion of HIV sufferers.

‘No condom, no sex,’ Gere shouted in Hindi to thousands of truckers who roared his words back in unison at a dusty fairground.

They whooped and whistled as Gere swooped on Miss Shetty to kiss her on her hand and cheek. Nationally, however, the reaction was of violent disapproval

(Emphasis Mine). Now for those of you who passed your English exam, the above paragraph says that in Delhi, the truck drivers were whooping and whistling (I’m pretty sure you could take that as approval) however it is NATIONALLY, that the disapproval was voiced - why is Delhi being blamed for this? Further, where else do you think people will protest about something - in front of fucking Karan Johar’s house or Rashtrapati Bhawan. Public outcry in Delhi MY ASS!

After her fashion show, Dé explained to me Mumbai’s social architecture. “If you are in Delhi, it’s which minister you know,” she said. “If you are in Chennai, it’s all about which caste you are. In Calcutta, it’s what your grandfather did. But in Mumbai, it’s not about that kind of rigid social structure any longer. It’s about what you have done.

Yea. Right. “Mumbai” where people from the North are discriminated against - “You’re from Delhi?” / “You’re Punjabi“ with an upturned nose. A place where non-vegetarian people may be banned from living in certain neighbourhoods. Right. No caste prejudices here. No no no, it’s not who you know at all in Bombay. So what if you are related to Bal Thackeray> Oh yes, that’s right, he’s not a minister. How VERY different from Delhi. Ah yes, Dawood Ibrahim is not a minister either. Yep, it’s definitely not about who you know in Bombay, not at all. Oh you don’t know Yash Chopra, or have a Khan or Kapoor in your last name? Well then, let’s sign you on to my next blockbuster, because, of course, it’s what you’ve done. Somebody get a shovel and a gas mask please… 

Now the rest of article is just typical NYT trash. Example:

The culture seeks the kind of innocent enchantment Bollywood movies promote, yet the city’s red-light district, Falkland Road, is populated by prostitutes who pose in cages, and the country now ranks third in the world in people living with H.I.V. (roughly 2.5 million), according to a 2007 report from the United Nations.

Now what the writer of this article CONVENIENTLY forgotten to mention (because it would have ruined his oh-so-flowery contrast) is that this statistic is DOWN from ranking NUMBER ONE in the world with the most number of people with AIDS. Why? Because the UN counted wrong the first time, and a more comprehensive count revealed what some people already knew - THAT HIV IS NOT AS PREVALENT IN INDIA AS THE SCAREMONGERS WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE. But let truth not stand in the way of good journalism, as the Times Of India would say. This is further backed up by the Daily Mail quote from above (the description of Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty) which states “in India, the country with the world’s largest proportion of HIV sufferers“. Between the Daily Mail article and the NYT article, the numbers were revised downwards….

And then it just gets funnier and funnier:

Despite the fact that she was raised in a palace with 30 servants, India’s culture then, she said, was not one of constant acquisition

Oh man, what a riot. Asking a real-live princess to comment on the daily-lives of Indians back in the day. Gee, when I was a feudal lord living in my palace, I didn’t see many of my subjects indulging in ‘acquisition’. WHAT AN INSIGHT! Not a culture of acquisition. This is just great…

Yes.. a Mumbai Moment alright.