Voice From A 2.5-World Country

This one’s for Scout & RTD2

Side Note to anybody from MBS who is reading this: No, I’m not in love with her.

So since it was my birthday last week, I threw a party. Now I hate throwing parties, but Bombay Boy forced me into it, saying something about freeloading off other people and their parties, and not throwing one in return.

So the highlights of the party included lots of debauchery. A certain woman walked in and announced loudly to everybody that she broke up with her boyfriend, to anyone who would listen. <SARCASM>I wonder what she was trying to achieve by that admission</SARCASM> . She walked away with a partner towards the end of the night…

The French Finesser decided to avenge the mess I made outside his apartment last week. His bathroom was taken, and I was awfully drunk, so I tried to make it to the elevator, and failed, so threw up right outside his doorstep - hey at least it was outside. But he still had to clean it up, so he was pissed off. So when I threw my party, he walked into the bedroom, and threw beer all over my bed while I was otherwise occupied, the son of a bitch.

I attempted to smoke my first cigar along with my Birthday Twin (the Balinese Beauty), which we received as a joint present.

The Sexy Singaporean was drunk, and throwing herself at every man. And the irony of it, the day she was finally throwing herself at me, I had to resist her, because of my decision (see below).

I got twenty-f-ing-seven birthday bumps. Ouch. My back hurts.

Ok enough rambling, it is also after this debauch party, which will go down in history for a lot of people, that I discovered a woman who comes close to being my perfect lover. I would not have thought that such a woman could exist. But she does:

1)She shouldn’t be too thin, nor too fat. Just a teency-weency bit on the plump side.

2)Her birthday should be on the same date as me, so that I never have to remember it.

3)She should have no qualms about calling me up, asking me to dinner, and then picking me up in her current boyfriend’s Toyota Camry.
4)She forgives ..ahem..’poor performance’ with the following quote:

In my experience, it takes three trials & three errors to know a woman’s body

(It was the first try).

5)She appreciates that you don’t get something for nothing, so in exchange for being helped with her Stats homework, she sends porn, without being asked to.

6)She’s blunt and forward enough to say: My boyfriend is out. I’m alone. Come over.

7)That she’d rather spend the cold winter day half naked under covers, than doing anything remotely constructive.

I never realized how fun much it is, to be ‘The Other Guy’.

Oh and on an unrelated, self-promotional note, there’s this post (Sniff, sniff, sniff)

Happy Birthday to Me

This Voice just turned 27 (you wouldn’t be able to tell it from the writing, I know I know). I was about to say that I feel old…”VERY OLD”…but it’s been done before

And as I go through the 2 year old list of things that I was supposed to have done (reporduced below):

A quarter century has passed me by, and I still:
1)Don’t own an island in the South Pacific
2)Don’t own a villa on the Med
3)Don’t run a multi-billion-dollar company which threatens to own the World
4)Don’t run that Indo-American Film & Theatre Production House with my aspiring director friend (Anita), and closest non-relation (VeriKa)…
5)Haven’t got my MBA
And so I blog instead…..

So what’s changed? Only #5…. …well it’s on its way to being crossed out…

Ah the blogger I hate the most, caught with his pants down…

The fact that me and Atanu Dey dislike each other is well known. I’ve called him a fucking bigot with his tongue in The White Man’s Arse on Desicritics mailing lists, and he’s responded by calling me a cretin and other stuff.

So imagine my joy at seeing this latest post of his.

Why joy - well it’s because he’s been saying that Freedom of Speech doesn’t matter (yet) for India and Indians previously. Read this post and the post it fisks
So let’s see. First, it’s more important to get our people well-fed, so the lack of democracy doesn’t matter, but now all of a sudden, we are being criticized for not implementing our freedom of speech laws enough.

Gotcha.

Sorry, just in case it isn’t clear, this is what the Supreme Emperor on India’s Lack of Development said in a previous post:

I am sure there are those who will immediately retort that the Singaporeans don’t have the freedoms that are normally associated with a liberal democracy. And I am also sure that the person making that statement is sitting comfortably well-fed in his nice office or home accessing the world wide web for knowledge and entertainment. For the average schmuck in a third world country, he would any day trade in his imaginary freedoms for a decent shot at a full stomach, a roof over his head, and a chance to get his children educated. After the average schmuck has achieved those basic necessities, he would ask for all sorts of goodies that a liberal democracy provides. And that is when the society should become a liberal democracy.

The sequence is important.

But now all of a sudden, we have a reversal of stance (because he will take any opportunity to put Indians down, in favour of the Yanks, the epitome of Human Evolution).

The main stream media will probably not have the guts to tell it to the leaders like it should. We, the average citizens, have to speak up and express our disgust at the craven surrender of our freedom that is at the core of being a free human.

So what is it the average citizen of this third-2.5-world country should be doing? Should s/he be giving a shit about Democractic freedoms or not? Oh wait, the previous post said average “shmuck” and this one says average “citizen”. Shmucks and Citizens are different species. Duh.

Yea Yea Yea

This blog turned 2 years old on the 10th of May (see the category “First Post”). In that time it has gone through makeovers, sting operations, abusive comments (and abusive posts), rants, ramblings, gratuitous pictures of women and other various oddities.

I wasn’t quite sure how to celebrate BlogDay. Should I just dedicate one of the 10 beers drunk on the 10th of May to my Blog? A picture of a cake? A rant? Should it just be ignored?

Couldn’t decide.

So instead, I’ll leave you with a picture from a recent road trip.

Now, that, my friends, is an Apostle. Well, it’s one of Twelve..er…Ten..er..Eight? Basically there were 12 limestone formations, called the 12 Apostles, along a road called The Great Ocean Road in Oz. They, unfortunately, are crumbling away, but that leaves for some breathtaking rock formations.

(more posts coming soon, as the road trips have come to a temporary halt…)

Only 3 more to go…(Celebrating a small victory)

And what a term it’s been. At the start of this term, the introductory Prof said

Celebrate the small victories

So I am. Another prof said

Despite anything anybody may have told you or you may have heard, may I just say that Australia welcomes you, and with open arms

What a contrast from my introduction to America, which went something like this: “Stupid Immigrant, feeding off our government, stealing our jobs, daring to criticize the greatest country on Earth”. Of course, 75% of the 70 people in the MBA class are International students so maybe it’s pandering to your audience.

Went for lunch to an Italian Restaurant on Lygon St. with Freddy Mercury, the Sexy Singaporean and a few others.

This is Freddy Mercury. A Parsi/Bawa from Chennai, and a reasonably good friend of mine. Knows English and Tamil, and something which pretends to be Hindi. Has seen almost no Bollywood movies ever. When asked to sing a Bollywood song, this is what he broke out with:

Mera Haathi Mera Saathi, Kab aayegi tu

Thus causing enourmous howls of laughter. While we’re on the subject of haathis, the serious lack of Punjabis and North Indians here has also led to a corruption in the name of the only reasonably decent Indian restaurant around here. It’s called Kake di Hatti (complete with the picture of little baby ‘kaka’ wearing a red turban at the entrance). But when Freddy attempted to say it:

Haathi ka kakka? Haathi ki tatti? Kakka and Tatti?

Well regardless, the food was good. He lives in the same building as me, and his flatmate is Bombay Boy, whose pic I haven’t put up yet, because all the ones I have of him are too embarrasing (sleeping with hairy belly sticking out, bending over to get pen but looking like he’s giving his neighbour a BJ, you know that sort of thing).

(Gratuitous Pic of Sexy Sing below)

Ignore the guy next her. He’s Dowry. As in, he’s a sticky close friend which caused Bombay Boy to remark “Yeh to Dahej mein milega” - i.e. if I were to marry the SS (no thanks), he’d be along in the Dowry. Anyway, so we were walking to the restaurant for lunch, when SS yells “Look at that, there is a DILDO growing on this tree”. So we dismiss it as a regular SexySingaporean-ism (of which there are too many to quote), but then I look up, and sure enough, a large fake penis is hanging from the tree. And it turns out, that there are four of them. In Australia, it seems, they grow on trees. I shall take a picture and post it up soon. I took one with my cellphone, but it didn’t come out right

Hmm, what else… In order to foster “teamwork”, “people-skills” and other stuff, you’re put into groups of 5-6 people at the start of term, and then are forced to submit a few group assignments in your various subjects. Those groups are called Syndicates, and here’s my syndicate, doing what it does best. Drinking.

There are a few more posts coming, just thought I’d whet the appetite. I have 2 weeks of break, and nothing to do during those 2 wks, so expect a few rants and stuff.

In the meantime, I leave with my regular diet. A jug of beer, and potato wedges with “sweet chili” and sour cream. Sweet Chili has no chili and lots of sweet. It’s a popular flavour here in Oz. You even get Rice Cakes with that flavour. (ignore the ciggys. I’m a non-smoker)

Ta for now, for a day or so.

Message for Scout - I have answered this tag before, but was gonna answer it again in a different way. So hang on.