On Happiness

Where I get philosophical

So basically, I’ve discovered to figure out if one is happy. Huh? Don’t you know when you’re happy? Well see, it’s like this. Happiness is such an intangible sort of thing. Is one happy after having an orgasm? Possibly. After eating chocolate? Probably. Abusing a substance? Artificially. Ok, ok enough of ramble.

Phoenix/TTG’s definition of Happiness

Happiness is being able to say:

I could be dead tomorrow, and it wouldn’t matter me

Yep. That’s it. Anti-climactic, possibly but I don’t think so. Of course, once can criticise that statement and poke holes in it. But too bad. It’s late at night, and I’m too lazy to ramble more.

Resurrection

I am almost whole again

This voice has spent the last 16/17 hours reconstructing his blog. It is almost done. What’s left to do?

• Enable all of the outgoing links, which currently point to an odd place
• Enable the viewing of all the images embedded in the site
• Inaugurate a new design?

One thing that is causing me great regret is that there are 2 posts which seem to un-recoverable. This is a shame. It takes away from my complete-ness. The reason completeness is so important is that I feel as though I couldn’t continue writing into the future, unless I had the cushion of my past. Well, I have it now. Restored to almost full glory.

In other news, unrelated, I have 2 sets of relatives from USA over these days, and we just saw the Academy Awards.

The First One (part 1)

On girlfriends and reminsicing about the naughty 90s…

TTG STATUTORY HEALTH WARNING: This post is a personal ramble more for autobiographical purposes than for winning Booker/Bastiat prizes. Ergo Caveat Lector…

2 minus 1 Nation Theory

I think we can all safely call the 2-nation theory an abject failure.

So we approach Diwali 2007. Another Diwali, another festive season. Went to the Great India Place mall yesterday, with A and her ’sisters/cousins’ or they will be once she gets married. Her Fiance ditched me, leaving me at the mercy of so much oestrogen (or however that’s spelt). The mall is huge, the Metro line is almost built, and the DND toll bridge just keeps expanding westwards and eastwards. Ah progress

Speaking of Progress…

Dear Musharraf – thank you for declaring an Emergency in Pakistan. Will somebody please suggest the disbanding of Pakistan as a country? Please? Those people are better off under Indian rule. Pakistan and Bangladesh are both ridiculous jokes as countries go. It’s time they stopped pretending to be separate countries and re-joined the Indian Union. We all know this is the ideal solution for everyone, though nobody wants to say it. Why is it ideal (WARNING: MBA Bullet Points ahead)?

• Those nukes will no longer be pointed at India, but a part of it. Safer.
• With more Muslims as a part of India, communal violence will decrease, not increase
• We’ll wipe out the stupid Taliban threat and send Bin Laden packing
• The people of Pakistan/B’Desh will actually get a taste of economic growth, political stability, and RELATIVELY more AUTHENTIC democracy.
• KASHMIR KASHMIR KASHMIR

And I’m sure you can come up with more advantages.

As a start, I suggest the Indian Government make this announcement on live television now.

And then, as step 2, we’ll rename both Countries Purav & Paschim Islam Pradesh or some such thing temporarily before reverting to the actual state names (Punjab, Sindh, Baluchistan, East Bengal, e.t.c) while the transition takes place.

Then we need to appoint some temporary leaders. Ambassadors, this is your chance. Make ‘em the viceroys or Chief Ministers of the new states. Say you that you will give moral and diplomatic support to all citizens of the former Pakistan/Bangladesh in their fight to rejoin the Indian Union. Let them rally round the Indian Embassies as a focal point, and get rid of their existing idiot leaders. I’m willing to wager many of these people will happily join up.

Of course, there is the issue of whether we want this rabble to join our country. I say yes, we do. They will be much better off under Indian rule than not. But I’m no George Bush. I don’t suggest we walk in with an army and impose Indian rule on them. I think judging by recent events, it should be obvious which country these people want to be a part of. If we all get together and nudge them in that direction, maybe we can bring this transition about peacefully. I’m serious.

Yea, you can call it a crazy idea all you want. I know I’m right, and you know it’s the truth.

A short vacation

So I’m off to Bombay for 4 days…

…where I will get to see lots of celebrities and ‘High Net-Worth’ Individuals at an art exhibition being hosted by my sister. I will also attempt (for the 7th/8th time) to try and keep an open mind about the place, and see it the way everyone else sees it. I have been unable to do that thus far (if you’ve read any of my previous blog posts, that would be pretty obvious). I’ll do this by wandering the city by myself in search of….er.. I have no idea. Well maybe I’ll just walk along Marine Drive ogling at couples and pretending to be a Shiv Sena gangster. Or not. It’s 9.30 am and I am very sleepy. Yawn. So the to the 3/4 lurkers out there contributing to my hit counter, I’ll see y’all on Monday, or later.

Just so that it’s recorded…

Basically….

I had a dream last night, where I dreamt of a kazaki (cossack?) girl who used to be in my school. I thought I had a crush on her in school, but it only lasted for about a day – had to do with being dumped by first girlfriend…  This kazaki was a bit _too_ decent for me…

Anyways, she had nice eyeliner in my dream, and all we did was have a passionate conversation. I wish knew what it meant…. dreaming about somebody you haven’t even given more than 5 minutes thought to in over 11 years…

Ah well. I will go look her up on Facebook…

I’m smart, and now I have backing for it too

Brahma Chellaney thinks I’m smart

At a recent conference held on India’s Energy security, Brahma Chellaney took a break and went for a walk with a friend of mine. He was questioning why we Indians revere everything done by the British, and how, in his view, we should level Rashtrapati Bhavan and all of the New Delhi Area. On hearing this ‘radical’ opinion, my friend was reminded of me, and she told Professor Chellaney – “I have a friend who feels exactly the same way” to which Prof. Chellaney is said to have responded: “Your friend is a smart guy.”

*pats self on back*

Of course…. this is all hearsay, and completely unconfirmable, so don’t sue anybody over it….

Urban Pind (squared)

On Delhi

Pind is Punjabi for gaon which is Hindi for village.

(So the title is such because most people consider Delhi to be a pind. An Urban Pind.  )

Went to Urban Pind last night for the first time ever. Was quite impressed with the place, they’ve done it up well. Plus, it was ‘expat’ night last night, though honestly, these days, any night is expat night in most of the bars/clubs/pubs in Delhi (and elsewhere too I assume. Lots of white people travelling through India these days). The crowd was good, the music kicked ass, and a good time was had by one and all. I attribute some of this good time to my previously-mentioned colleague A. Somehow, whenever I go out with her, I end up having an excellent time. There will be a post on our fun trip to Bangalore soon, which will explain more. Or not

 Anyways, just the whole night scene Delhi serves to remind how this city has been on the ascendant for a while now, until the next plunder. Allow me to explain. I have become obsessed with Khushwant Singh’s ode to Delhi called “Delhi, A Novel”. I don’t think it’s in print anymore, but I highly recommend you get a copy. While Bombay will have its Midnight’s Children and its Maximum City, Delhi has “Delhi, A Novel”. It’s when you read that you really begin to understand things. How many ‘big’ cities rose (and fell) 100 years before Rome? After reading the novel, you get to see a cycle.

1) Foreigners invade Delhi.

2) Delhi-ites fight back

3) Foreigners murder lots of Delhi-ites, plunder the city, and then govern their kingdoms from there.

4) They then proceed to get increasingly decadent, going native, all the while falling further into complacency

5) Go back to 1)

Sure, in the old days we were dealing with Mughal Emperors and such like. Then we had the British. Now we have ‘ministers’ some of which are Prime and others are just Chief (with some Foreign & Home thrown in ) But the cycle continues. They invade, they plunder, they go native, and then they get invaded again.

And thus the story goes on as it has for a 1000 years.

It’s interesting what prompted that ramble. I was busy drinking my Vodka Tonic in Urban Pind, when a bunch of ‘Expats’ decided to order some Hookah (or Sheesha if you prefer) and were passing it around. Another bunch of ‘expats’ – the Mughals were doing that in the same place about 800 years ago.

Some things never change.

So here I am

where’s here? Here’s there of course, where else?

If you actually look my last post, you will know that I went back and read some of my old posts, and what I realized is that I need to blog. Not to get laid or to get a book deal, but because the blog actually ends up turning into a little autobiography, one way or another. What was the mood at the time. What was I thinking? (The “what was I thinking” feeling comes up often, especially when I see the woman_who_I_thought_was_my_girlfriend_but_she_did_not-related posts).

So yes, where am I? Well it’s been 2 years, and I am still travelling to Gurgaon to work. Only, I’m working in a building that didn’t exist 2 years ago. I am also travelling on a stretch of road* which used to take me 1.5 hours to cross on a good day (2 years ago), and now only takes 45 minutes. That, my friends, is called progress. I am car-pool-partner-less now, but not alone in the car.

The Colleague

I take a female colleague with me, whom we shall call A. Me and A have an affinity for the song Umbrella by Rihanna. We sing it at the top of our beautiful voices, when we’re driving back sloshed from a night out at Cafe Morrison (erstwhile Gourmet Gallery in South Ex)or Saket Buzz or Vasant Vihar Opus-but-now-the-new-so-called-Turquoise-Cottage.  Now, now folks it’s nothing like that. A is getting married shortly. Yes yes, this situation resembles a mess I got into in Melbourne, which resulted in the Delete Blog button being pressed, but it won’t happen this time assure you. Her fiance is a nice guy, worth marrying by the looks of it.

The Job

I work for a ginormous Multinational company whom I shall not name, but shall call Big Blue. If that rings a bell, don’t give yourself a cookie, because it doesn’t require much effort to figure out who I am talking about. Big Blue is cool. It lets me work from home (although I haven’t fully taken advantage of that). Big Blue let’s you take a day off without having to ask for permission (but if you do this often enough, you and I know both know what would happen). But you see what’s interesting is that to an extent, I was working for Big Blue, even when I wasn’t. HUH?

Well you see, Big Blue got kicked out along with Coke, Common Sense & Prosperity in the 1970s, by our good Christian Hindu Fundamentalist George Fernandes. Now, when Big Blue left, its assets were appropriated by Indian entreprenuers, as were Coca-Cola’s. Thus we ended up with these oh-so-pure Indian brands. Campa Cola, Thums Up – built on the corpse of Coke. Ex-Big Blue employees banded together and created their own firms as well. One of them, called Hindustan Computers Limited (now a US$ 4 billion enterprise, apparently) went on to do quite well. I worked for it from 2002 to 2005. Then I worked there for 2 months in 2007. And then I left it, to work for Big Blue. So I’ve never really left Big Blue you could say.

Wow, what an awful ramble. But I’ll leave it here to remind me of how much my writing has deteriorated.

*ok ok, it’s actually National Highway 8, which will take you Bombay if you let it. And being the Original Delhi-ite, I would never let it do that to me!

Odds & Ends

Tis a slow weekend

 

That stupid “It’s Raining Men” song is going through my head, due to the Maruti SX4 ad. How the F am I supposed remain heterosexual if I am accidentally caught singing that song ? (Although, in this country with its skewed sex ratio it ain’t that far from the truth…but then nobody says Hallelujah because of that…)

The Delhi govt. has done some interesting things, lately, and I wonder what the consequences will be. The drinking age has been lowered from 25 years of age to 21. Finally, a case of laws beginning to match reality.

 

(Obligatory Ivy-League Alma Mater mention). My university’s motto (in Latin) was:

 

Leges Sine Moribus Vanae

Which translates to: Ceaser suffers from gas because he ate a burrito last night. Kidding. It actually translates to: Laws without morals are useless

And I’m sure Ben Franklin came to that conclusion after looking into his crystal ball to see some of the laws framed by the Indian government.

(End of Alma Mater mention)

The other interesting thing the Delhi government did is make it legal for women to work as bartenders. Of course, as has been mentioned a trillion times before, India is a free country, but only in name many a time. India suffers the Asian confusion of considering “Freedom from..” instead of “Freedom to”.

By framing idiotic laws like preventing women from working in bars, India has given you freedom from drunken men molesting women. By preventing people under the age of 25 from drinking, India gives youth the freedom from inebriation (or parents the responsibility of actually raising self-reliant human beings). So, just like we got Freedom from the British, all of our laws are designed to give us freedom from things. Newsflash: They don’t work.

Instead let’s try a different approach – women should have freedom TO work where they choose – so let’s repeal the stupid law that prevents them from doing so. (I’m skipping the alcohol example because I think we all get the point.

 

Just saw a Discovery Channel documentary on the Delhi Metro. I knew it was a Big Deal for the country and the world in general that the Delhi Metro exists and functions, and the show just went on to prove that. I was especially impressed with the Delhi Metro control room, which looks like those cool sci-fi control rooms you see in so many Jerry Bruckheimer movies, big screens and men in ties.

I am attracted to a woman at work. She’s a hottie, and she works as an auditor for the Quality department. Now people working in the Quality department need to have a certain trait. This trait is Anal-Retentiveness. Shame she works in the Quality department. We could have had a passionate affair, having sex by the coffee machine and on my boss’s desk after hours. Ah well. She’s a long-legged single-eyebrow raiser, which really turns me on. I can only raise one eyebrow by screwing my face to make me look constipated. Even then, nobody is sure I’m raising an eyebrow or trying to poop my pants.

I hope my company lets me resign on Friday.If not, I’ll be back here to bitch. Oh wait. Even if I do I’ll be back here to bitch.

My Perfect Lover

This one’s for Scout & RTD2

Side Note to anybody from MBS who is reading this: No, I’m not in love with her.

So since it was my birthday last week, I threw a party. Now I hate throwing parties, but Bombay Boy forced me into it, saying something about freeloading off other people and their parties, and not throwing one in return.

So the highlights of the party included lots of debauchery. A certain woman walked in and announced loudly to everybody that she broke up with her boyfriend, to anyone who would listen. <SARCASM>I wonder what she was trying to achieve by that admission</SARCASM> . She walked away with a partner towards the end of the night…

The French Finesser decided to avenge the mess I made outside his apartment last week. His bathroom was taken, and I was awfully drunk, so I tried to make it to the elevator, and failed, so threw up right outside his doorstep – hey at least it was outside. But he still had to clean it up, so he was pissed off. So when I threw my party, he walked into the bedroom, and threw beer all over my bed while I was otherwise occupied, the son of a bitch.

I attempted to smoke my first cigar along with my Birthday Twin (the Balinese Beauty), which we received as a joint present.

The Sexy Singaporean was drunk, and throwing herself at every man. And the irony of it, the day she was finally throwing herself at me, I had to resist her, because of my decision (see below).

I got twenty-f-ing-seven birthday bumps. Ouch. My back hurts.

Ok enough rambling, it is also after this debauch party, which will go down in history for a lot of people, that I discovered a woman who comes close to being my perfect lover. I would not have thought that such a woman could exist. But she does:

1)She shouldn’t be too thin, nor too fat. Just a teency-weency bit on the plump side.

2)Her birthday should be on the same date as me, so that I never have to remember it.

3)She should have no qualms about calling me up, asking me to dinner, and then picking me up in her current boyfriend’s Toyota Camry.
4)She forgives ..ahem..’poor performance’ with the following quote:

In my experience, it takes three trials & three errors to know a woman’s body

(It was the first try).

5)She appreciates that you don’t get something for nothing, so in exchange for being helped with her Stats homework, she sends porn, without being asked to.

6)She’s blunt and forward enough to say: My boyfriend is out. I’m alone. Come over.

7)That she’d rather spend the cold winter day half naked under covers, than doing anything remotely constructive.

I never realized how fun much it is, to be ‘The Other Guy’.

Oh and on an unrelated, self-promotional note, there’s this post (Sniff, sniff, sniff)

Further From The Womb, Closer To Death

Happy Birthday to Me

This Voice just turned 27 (you wouldn’t be able to tell it from the writing, I know I know). I was about to say that I feel old…”VERY OLD”…but it’s been done before

And as I go through the 2 year old list of things that I was supposed to have done (reporduced below):

A quarter century has passed me by, and I still:
1)Don’t own an island in the South Pacific
2)Don’t own a villa on the Med
3)Don’t run a multi-billion-dollar company which threatens to own the World
4)Don’t run that Indo-American Film & Theatre Production House with my aspiring director friend (Anita), and closest non-relation (VeriKa)…
5)Haven’t got my MBA

And so I blog instead…..

So what’s changed? Only #5…. …well it’s on its way to being crossed out…

Happy Belated BlogDay

Yea Yea Yea

This blog turned 2 years old on the 10th of May (see the category “First Post”). In that time it has gone through makeovers, sting operations, abusive comments (and abusive posts), rants, ramblings, gratuitous pictures of women and other various oddities.

I wasn’t quite sure how to celebrate BlogDay. Should I just dedicate one of the 10 beers drunk on the 10th of May to my Blog? A picture of a cake? A rant? Should it just be ignored?

Couldn’t decide.

So instead, I’ll leave you with a picture from a recent road trip.

Now, that, my friends, is an Apostle. Well, it’s one of Twelve..er…Ten..er..Eight? Basically there were 12 limestone formations, called the 12 Apostles, along a road called The Great Ocean Road in Oz. They, unfortunately, are crumbling away, but that leaves for some breathtaking rock formations.

(more posts coming soon, as the road trips have come to a temporary halt…)

End of Term 1

Only 3 more to go…(Celebrating a small victory)

And what a term it’s been. At the start of this term, the introductory Prof said

Celebrate the small victories

So I am. Another prof said

Despite anything anybody may have told you or you may have heard, may I just say that Australia welcomes you, and with open arms

What a contrast from my introduction to America, which went something like this: “Stupid Immigrant, feeding off our government, stealing our jobs, daring to criticize the greatest country on Earth”. Of course, 75% of the 70 people in the MBA class are International students so maybe it’s pandering to your audience.

Went for lunch to an Italian Restaurant on Lygon St. with Freddy Mercury, the Sexy Singaporean and a few others.

This is Freddy Mercury. A Parsi/Bawa from Chennai, and a reasonably good friend of mine. Knows English and Tamil, and something which pretends to be Hindi. Has seen almost no Bollywood movies ever. When asked to sing a Bollywood song, this is what he broke out with:

Mera Haathi Mera Saathi, Kab aayegi tu

Thus causing enourmous howls of laughter. While we’re on the subject of haathis, the serious lack of Punjabis and North Indians here has also led to a corruption in the name of the only reasonably decent Indian restaurant around here. It’s called Kake di Hatti (complete with the picture of little baby ‘kaka’ wearing a red turban at the entrance). But when Freddy attempted to say it:

Haathi ka kakka? Haathi ki tatti? Kakka and Tatti?

Well regardless, the food was good. He lives in the same building as me, and his flatmate is Bombay Boy, whose pic I haven’t put up yet, because all the ones I have of him are too embarrasing (sleeping with hairy belly sticking out, bending over to get pen but looking like he’s giving his neighbour a BJ, you know that sort of thing).

(Gratuitous Pic of Sexy Sing below)

Ignore the guy next her. He’s Dowry. As in, he’s a sticky close friend which caused Bombay Boy to remark “Yeh to Dahej mein milega” – i.e. if I were to marry the SS (no thanks), he’d be along in the Dowry. Anyway, so we were walking to the restaurant for lunch, when SS yells “Look at that, there is a DILDO growing on this tree”. So we dismiss it as a regular SexySingaporean-ism (of which there are too many to quote), but then I look up, and sure enough, a large fake penis is hanging from the tree. And it turns out, that there are four of them. In Australia, it seems, they grow on trees. I shall take a picture and post it up soon. I took one with my cellphone, but it didn’t come out right

Hmm, what else… In order to foster “teamwork”, “people-skills” and other stuff, you’re put into groups of 5-6 people at the start of term, and then are forced to submit a few group assignments in your various subjects. Those groups are called Syndicates, and here’s my syndicate, doing what it does best. Drinking.

There are a few more posts coming, just thought I’d whet the appetite. I have 2 weeks of break, and nothing to do during those 2 wks, so expect a few rants and stuff.

In the meantime, I leave with my regular diet. A jug of beer, and potato wedges with “sweet chili” and sour cream. Sweet Chili has no chili and lots of sweet. It’s a popular flavour here in Oz. You even get Rice Cakes with that flavour. (ignore the ciggys. I’m a non-smoker)

Ta for now, for a day or so.

Message for Scout – I have answered this tag before, but was gonna answer it again in a different way. So hang on.

A Word about Blogrolls

And sausage rolls
With each change in my life, I find a change in my audience.Despite being being Bloxually Inactive, I’ve been linked by a few people lately, and I just wanted those people to know that I haven’t updated it out of sheer laziness – have mercy – my exams are less than a week away, and the end of Term 1 is nigh. You can expect a self-congratulatory, decadent, reminiscing type of post around then (which I formulated last night, but put off due to guilt – studying and all that).

That’s all I had to say.

What about the Sausage Rolls? Well nothing really. Sausage Rolls in Australia are basically the equivalent of ‘non-veg’ patties in India, only the internal constitution is mashed beef/pork (and you were expecting something phallic instead weren’t you).

Anyway, they taste really bland and awful, and the only reason I mention them is to give a nice sub-heading to go with the heading. Sometimes, I do things just for the esthetic appeal you know.

And finally, there’s this:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Some Administrative Stuff

Addressed in order of the comments received

On Ayn Rand
She’s a (deceased) crackpot bitch, who believes that men should rape women as the only true act of love or something (please, spare me the lectures on how I seem to miss the true nature of what she’s been saying). However, at the same time, she managed to articulate that which was always present in my mind, and probably in the mind of a lot of other people. Which is how it is – some of the greatest psychos in history also came up with some of the most interesting theories. Am I a fan of Ayn Rand? No. I read Atlas Shrugged (exactly 4 times, which is very low for somebody like me), and for the most part, the book is shit. It is one long rant (and considering my pedigree, I know a rant when I see one). Some parts of the book are good – specifically the thoughts that go through the men who were working for Taggart Railways before the accident in the Tunnel. That one portion of the book sums up things in India so well, that the rest of the shyte the book is filled with is forgivable.

The Fountainhead on the other hand, is brilliantly written, and nice and taut. No ranting, interesting dialogue and stuff. I wish more philosophical/ideological books were written with that tone.

On Moderation (Comment Moderation, not Alcohol)
My comment policy is as follows – every single comment that anybody makes shall be published EXCEPT comments that reveal my e-mail address, physical address, telephone number or other confidential personal information. Personal attacks, cursewords, attempts to defame, and really brainless attempts at creating an analogy between moderating comments on your blog (private property) and being in support of government regulation shall be allowed to go through. Of course…this moderation is ‘faith-based’ – you have to take it on faith that I actually do let defamatory comments through.

So in case the intelligence-impaired are still asking why retain moderation at all – it is to maintain some control over what is currently my intellectual (the word intellectual being used extremely loosely) property. The concept of private property/intellectual property, unfortunately, is not comprehensible to communists, so this idea may go straight over their heads.

On Calling People Fornicating Jokers (Cop Out)
Who exactly was being called a Fornicating Joker was intentionally left ambiguous. This was for legal reasons.

On mentioning the WTO
I never said that the aforementioned people were talking about the WTO. I brought up the WTO.

On Unintentional Humour
This post is either in jest or is out and out trolling/flamebait.

On Mandal II
Thank God Australia is offering citizenship so easily. Bye bye India, I’ll come back when you come to your senses. (ok not really, I miss Chicken Tikka too much – plus I have to vote the current government out of power).

Journal Entries

Based on previous posts, I think you can expect low quality from this one too…

This blog is hereby renamed “Tarun’s boring life and sordid lovelife journal” from here on in. There’s not much left to blog about. See, the thing is, one gets so drained from the classes, that one is no longer in the mood to be angry and ranting – plus being frustrated in other aspects used to help fuel the anger. In case it isn’t clear, here are the classes I’m taking for this term:

• Accounting (for Managers) (Argh)
• Managerial Economics (Argh)
• Data & Decisions (i.e. Statistics. Argh)
• Marketing (for Managers)
• Managing People for High Performance

As you can see, it’s enough to keep one busy. So instead, I’ll just narrate the events of a party last Friday.

So I lied when I said I wouldn’t be mentioning the Sexy Singaporean again, I figure I’ll de-introduce her gradually. 

So this Friday was ‘Fiesta Latina’, yep a Latin Party. When the Peruvian Pair (which consists of the Perfect Peruvian and her husband (unfortunately)) invited everybody to this party, I fired back with “WHen I do the Salsa, it looks more like the Nacho sauce, and less like the actual dance”, but the Husband replied with “Don’t worry, all of us will just be hanging around the bar anyway”, so I said ok I’ll come too. 

So I walk in to the party with my flatmate, and check out the scene. Tis a nice party.Observe if you will, in the corner sits the Sexy Singaporean, in a pink top and a towel skirt. What pray tell is a towel skirt? I have no idea, but it looked like she’d wrapped a towel round herself, so I call it a towel skirt. 

Now, in the “Dummies Guide to Picking up women”, it states that you should “play it mean, keep them keen”. SO that’s what I did. I danced with every woman that night except the SS. Net result? Well she danced with recently-made friend and fellow classmate – Bombay Boy (who is in direct competition with me for this woman. He’s a hardcore Shiv Sainik. We’ve had a lot of almost-violent fights, but more about that some other time).  Anyway, nothing happened between the two of them, and Cinderella-like she disappeared at midnight, like she always does. 

So because I’m a total bastard, today I send her a message saying: “I’m hurt. No, not only am I hurt, I am deeply offended. You didn’t even dance with me at the party”.

Her response: “You didn’t ask”.

Note-to-self: Don’t mess with 28-year-old Singaporean woman.

(Once you’ve got up off the floor laughing, allow me to continue with this journal entry).

So mid-way thru the party, the French Finesser decided to play a trick on some of the other guys hanging around the bar. He tells the bartender – 3 shots of tequila, and three shot glasses with water please. Bartender returns with the request. This tequila happened to be clear like vodka/water and not yellow like the one I’ve known. DOn’t know why. Maybe this one had no piss in it Anyway, net result, French Finesser had 3 shots of water, and another classmate of mine (a Parsi dude who looks like Freddie Mercury-who-was-also-Parsi-BTW) ended up having to be dragged home by me and Bombay Boy.

So after the party, we all wandered around an area in Melbourne called ‘Brunswick Street’ which is where everybody hangs out to grab their Souvlakis and Slice-of-Pizzas after some hardcore clubbing. Suffering from a major ‘Munchies’ attack, we’re trying to hunt down a place to eat, and we run into LastGermanStanding Boy and girl-mentioned-in-previous-post-who-rubbed-up-against-me-at-the-local-bar. (There are reasons for not mention her nationalistic alliteration – I don’t wanna ruin her rep). 

LastGermanStanding Boy is obviously making a move on the very drunk woman-mentioned-above, and in the middle steps TTG and tells her: “You’re a very mean girl. You just danced with me once tonight”.

So girl unlocks from LastGermanStanding Boy, and locks on to Tarun and starts kissing him and cooing: “Is this mean? Is this mean?”. Ahem. Tarun is a little taken aback, and most hot-blooded males’ reaction is to pounce. But as has happened to me on Numerous occasions I tend to freeze and get shocked that here’s a woman actually behaving like she’s attracted to me (or very drunk? Heh). Now LastGermanStanding Boy is standing there with a very I-wish-it-was-WWII-and-you-were-a-Jew look on his face..and I was dying of starvation. And TTG thinks equally with his stomach as much as his you-know-what.

So he tried to have his cake and eat it too shall we say, by dragging girl with him to pizza place, but girl stayed rooted due to drunkenness. Drunk Girl? Pizza? Drunk Girl? Pizza? Argh. Pizza. Well in all fairness, LastGermanStanding Boy got there first.So I had to unlock, and leave Drunk Girl to LastGermanStanding Boy, and go on and eat not-so-good Pizza and drag Parsi friend home in a cab. 

The End.

Note to Thungachi – I have been getting your e-mails, and apologies for not replying. I do have a lot say and will reply in another day or two – PROMISE!

Heteromosexuality

Argh

Apologies to those who were expecting more frequent blog-posting, the but the issue is that people in my business school have discovered this blog, and some of them read it too. Most of them save it for a weekly class we have called “Managing People For High Performance”. As you can expect, it’s best to be surfing the web during that class (We have wireless net access throughout the school, and laptops are allowed – nay required- for many classes).

Farewell-la

Here, we say goodbye to The Sexy Singaporean. She will no longer be appearing on this blog – mercifully she hasn’t discovered it yet… I think. Why goodbye? This is why:

You go out to a Thai Restaurant with her,  The Incredible Indonesian (otherwise known as the Balinese Beauty – see the previous post for pictures of SS and II) and the Magnificent Malay( who has not been photographed yet).

Anyway, so over an unfuckingbelievable dinner, the Sexy Singaporean proceeds to make fun of one’s lack of biceps, and punjabi amount of hair…She even offered to wax me…

Sigh.

Another Moan-And-Groan

I’ve discovered why it is that I’m single.

Note-to-self- when sitting on a bed in a woman’s room, if that woman is sitting next to you, and she’s previously told you she thinks “she’s falling in love with you (just kidding”), and she mentions something about how some of the girls got together and voted yours truly one of the better-looking guys in class (second to an Italian), and she’s been teasing you about being gay (and you shoot back with – “well let’s go to a private room and I’ll show you just how gay I am”)…you’re supposed to make a move. Otherwise, she ends up going out with a guy whose name, if pronounced as it is written, would be slang for masturbation. But it’s not the woman that bothers me, it’s the principle of the thing – i.e. missing the signals. 

2nd Note-To-Self

When a woman starts rubbing up against you in the local bar, mentioning how “she doesn’t have game” and you compliment her and tell her that she has lots of game, and when she makes you promise to come back when you go to the bar to get drinks, and ahem, continues to rub up against you, it’s a signal. Argh. 

WTF?

(and Laugh Out Loud)

Ok, WordPress (or some mysterious hacker – whom I shall call Fucker just because I’m an abusive bugger) keeps displaying a “Happy Diwali” post at the top of my blog, even after I’ve DELETED the bloody post.

Well I can’t be bothered to fix it, I have an exam at 9 am tomorrow – yes on a Saturday. Sniff Sniff.
A belated Happy Holi to everybody.

And a 1% chance with the Sexy Singaporean. Went for dinner with her yesterday. Asian women are all the same, be they South Asian, or Southeast Asian. Over some ‘Mee Goreng-no-seafood-no-egg’ (basically chicken and spicy thick noodles ), she went at me rapid-fire:

“Where’s your family,do you have any siblings, why did you leave America, do you like it here, will you go back, where is home for you, why do you want to work in singapore, don’t you likie Australia, Singapore is expensive if you’re single, when can I see your apartment”.

Phew. I wonder what the results of that evaluation are (no I didn’t show her my apartment. It’s dirty.)

<!– –>

More nonsense

(and a picture)

Melbourne, from my balcony

Ok, so since I have wasted far too much time being me, the Sexy Singaporean now looks on me as a brother. Argh. And the other e-mailer, well it looks like she really was just kidding. Women are just out and out weird.

In the meantime, done some more assignments, read a few blogs, and went to a few parties.

Benefits of Globalisation and the Internet.

Quotes of the Year

Yes, I really don’t have anything better to do. Sorry guys!

Quote of the Century
“You blow me, I blow you!”

Context: I walked in to the b-school canteen, trying to avoid 2 of my friends who are some serious nicotine junkies. So I was just kind of bitching about smoking to The Sexy Singaporean. So she says, in her singsong Singaporean accent: “Ya, I don’t like it when people smoke either, so when they start smoking, I start smoking too”… So I’m saying “…Ok…and why is that…?” And then she starts gesturing wildly in front of her face with her two fingers in a “V” and she goes…”You blow me, I blow YOU!”. Was in splits for the rest of the day. Kept repeating that comment to everybody until people started looking at me funny.

The second quote is a bit of mystery. I can’t quite figure out whether I should “do” anything about it. Well it’s not a quote – it’s an e-mail:

you’re so funny man. i think i’m falling in love with you or something. no just joking not inebriated like you. well just wanna ask if you could forward the picture you sent me to K. i accidently deleted it and she just wanna see it that’s all. oh by the way data&decisions on monday was so confusing nobody explained it to me like you did. i think you should do a part time here. hahahaha. see ya

Is that a hint? Or is it just somebody being funny (it’s a very gorgeous South-East Asian girl). Any ladies reading my blog out there, please to comment and help me. I’m very dumb when it comes to these things (or over-smart?)

ButterChickenLit is where it’s at, man.

Oh and here are some responses to the comments on the previous post

Autumn Stone – do u live in Melbourne? If not, not much point in getting my e-mail eh?

Brown Magic – no ma’am this is me passively looking, not actively. If I were actively looking, then I would be doing things very differently. I didn’t really expect the bartender to call me back. It just a “Fun thing to do when you’re 7 beers down”. As for the Nepali waitress, to quote Al Pacino in Scent of a Woman, the day you stop looking is the day you die.

RT – didn’t think you’d be much impressed, pleasantly surprised. As for sounding like my mother, ok so I confess I could have been a little bit more intelligent about my spending habits, but it’s hard when you’re used to getting reinforcements at the end of the month

Karma – sorry for dropping of the map, net access is limited, and have been busy giving exams and stuff. This leaves me with limited time, and I use that more to say what I want than respond to other people – because the “Say What I Want” is therapeutic.

Parth – where have ya been!

Pareshaan – apologies – see the comment I left for Karma

TTG-on-the-barbie

Salaam Namaste from Melbourne(short post)This not a what I learned in the City post coz I ain’t really seen the city yet.

But from what little I have seen of Australia, I love it.

What i love even more is that Dual Citizenship between Australia and India got legalised last year. So this means that when they do institute private sector job reservation quotas in India, I won’t have to change citizenship to Pakistan, I can just flee to Australia instead.

Oz seems like America without the stupidity.
Ozzies don’t think they’re the centre of the universe – they even know there are other countries outside their own.

Ozzie women are hot, and ozzie Men are not. This means I’m in with a chance.

Imagine an America where everybody drives on the correct side of the road, and you have Australia, complete with suburbs and wide freeways going thru the middle of nowhere. They even have roundabouts here.

Now I just need to find a place to live…I wonder how long I can depend on my family-friend’s hospitality.

Oh – and most importantly – the cellphone service here is just like India. The true mark of civilisation – fully regular decent GSM 900/1800, no incoming charges, and cheap prepaid. Joy.

Ignore the read more, you blasted people from the lands Up-Over.

Oh and that’s “Mel-bun” not “Mel-born”. Wokay?

Complexity (and Delhi Blogger’s Meet Announcement)

Lots of rambling

STICKY POST. Updates (however sparse, below)

I’m panicking. I have to book an airline ticket. I have to find a place to live. I have to pack. I have to fulfil a few goals I’ve recently set for myself. I have to meet a few people, and defy a few curfews

I’m suffering from ‘CrapBlogger’s block. (Do crapbloggers actually suffer from blocks? Do androids dream of electric sheep? Does the crud that develops in the corner of my eye every morning have a name, or is it just called EyeCrud?). Some people have ACTUALLY called me up and told me they check my blog first thing in the morning for updates. Guys, I really have nothing to say these days. So I’m filling in with autobiographical stuff instead. Maybe things’ll change in the New Year, or maybe when I get to Melbourne… who can say.

Amit Verma is going to be in Delhi on the 2nd of Jan, and there is going to be a Delhi Blog Meet in his honour. Saket/Vulturo is heading back to Bombay to take up his new job the day after. And it will be the last Delhi Blog Meet that I will be attending for a while as I go off to Melbourne to sell my soul (get an MBA) and qualify for a lower rung of Hell. Hey at least I’m in the VIP Lounge. The Lawyers and Socialists, Delhi Auto Rickshaw-walas and MCD officials are still a few levels below me :-p. I wonder if I’ll get to meet Nehru when I’m there…
Anyway, come one come all, to see the Tamasha, when Free-Marketeer Amit Verma clashes against Shivam Vij, and also has his impressions of TTG changed.

Mere ex-rival ki shaadi hai.
Ok here’s some boring personal information. Since I went to high-school in Delhi, I have more High-school-related stories while I’m here. So anyway, in my High School (twas a very SMALL and Private school), there was a competition between some of us…sort of. The guy who was #1 in class had held that position throughout, so we never challenged his might. But the #2 position was up for grabs, and there were 3 people in contention for that slot. By the time we graduated, I was the one who got it. Ha. Without even putting any real effort into it. But there were two other guys vying for that slot. One of them was like me, a not-much-effort-type dude. But the third guy…he was insane. He used make a note of all of OUR grades after every exam, he used to slash his wrist when the woman he loved wouldn’t return the lurrrvee..he used to get help from IIT professors to study Physics (and I still beat him. Stick it in yo-face!). (In school, he had a thing for a woman who is now a newsreader on one of them fancy English-speaking channels, I think it’s NDTV 24×7).
Anyway, he’s getting married this Jan, and it made me realize that my time is coming soon too. You see, I’m 26. This means that by Indian standards, I have hit marrigeable age. Many an old crone has checked me out from head to toe and asked me pointed questions about my job and salary filing it away for future match-making. Mercifully, my parents want me to actually be “settled” before I get married, so they keep pushing away offers, saying that their son has to get his MBA before he can get married. This means that I have till May 2007. The day I graduate, I will probably be expected to get on a horse and ride to Verma’s Banquet Hall (or the Maurya Sheraton..). Somebody is gonna have to explain to my parents that I don’t plan on getting married until I’m 35. And I would like to have slept with the woman before I marry her…. The thing is, that I’m a late bloomer. I had my last milk tooth out when I was 12. I learnt to walk when I was 2, or something. Right now, I have not learnt enough about women to prevent ending up as my wife’s bitch. I’ve just barely escaped a Delhi-Woman’s grasp and her mind games (and her new Italian Sausage). And women who don’t want to hold power trips over you are a rare and beautiful breed (you know who you are )
Does anybody else foresee a little family trouble on the horizon? Argh.

Okay, I’m publishing this post, but I’ve realized that the quality of this blog has really really really degenerated. Don’t expect me to write again until something/someone lights a fire under my ass. I’m off to play SimCity4. Goodbye for now, and may you all have a Happy New Year.

The Shame Of It All

Sad New Year’s Story…This is what Saket would call catblogging.

Something about the change of year brings me bad luck…

So…since about 1991, I haven’t celebrated a decent New Year’s Eve party. 99% of my New Year’s “celebrations” are bizarre occurrences. Let’s add a another pathetic one to the list….

So I go to an …acquaintance’s place for a party…I know this acquaintance somewhat. It’s been a brief acquaintance. She knows I like her in a non-platonic way (although…the feeling is not mutual). I decide that I will make out with her before the end of 2005 (or in the wee hours of 2006).

So I get to her place, complete with a half-bottle of Tequila, sit down, hang out, drink and talk.

The usual stuff, you know, like drinking games, and small talk.

Enter Big Annoying Stupid Tall Assholic Retard Dude. (or BASTARD, for short). Every attempt of mine at getting the woman alone, is thwarted by BASTARD. I go to the kitchen? He goes to the Kitchen. She wants to get to her secret stash of Vanilla Vodka (eww), I come along….and BASTARD barges in as well.

So this is not going so well, but TTG decides he’ll find a way to dispose of BASTARD…

But he doesn’t. Instead….BASTARD manages to get the woman alone…and then they disappear out into the balcony for about 20 minutes…

Possibility #1 – They went out to discuss Nuclear Physics, and why Einstein might be wrong.

Possibility #2 ……It’s New Years. Acquaintance is Lonely….

Anyway, so while this is happening, alcohol is inducing brain-stew in my mind. I’m thinking: “[Bad-word-for-fornication]!I have failed in my attempt to display my evolutionary mastery over the other primates at this social gathering. I will be relegated to a group of low-quality hunter-gathers. Alas! Woe is Me!”

TRANSLATION: “FUCK! I suck! I’m a loser!”

After hanging out at this party, all of the people were supposed to head on to another party elsewhere. But TTG had to sit down and take stock of the situation:

There are no single women here (there were only 4 women including Acquaintance, and the other 3 came with their boyfriends – this country has too much COCK I tell you!). Acquaintance has found her partner for the night. The party we’re going to may be no better..so…is there any point in hanging around here?

Further, being curfew boy, I have actually had a gazillion arguments with my dad this past festive season…
Is there any point in risking worse relations with my father without any potential for “action” tonight?

The word NO came blasting through the ethanol-induced haze in my mind.

So while Acquaintance and BASTARD were busy discussing the Benefits of Gene Therapy and Effects of Global Climate Change alone outside, TTG decided to put on his shoes and get his goonda jacket.

“Where are you going?” asked a sloshed chap.

“Oh just to go get something from my car” I replied.

And he drove back to his Cousin’s party…with his ‘tail’ between his legs.
Of course Acquaintance being a naive woman with oh-so-friendly intentions and all calls TTG about 30 mins later, wondering where he’s got to:

“I thought you said you were going to spend New Years with us” said she.

TTG’s mind is screaming – “YES, BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY!”. But instead his voice responded with “I did spend New Years with you”. (I was at her place till 1 am).

Awkward pause…..”….Ok….” said she.

“Ok, bye” Said I.

The End.

Waking up today in the morning, hungover, and scrooed, I realise maybe they were just discussing Particle Physics, however unlikely. But it’s too late now. Argh. To be free of Self-Esteem issues and to just have a good time. How difficult is that really? Now, how to face Acquaintance after all this? (Mercifully, I’m leaving soon!) Alcohol, you’ve betrayed me once again in my hour of need. That’s it, I’m turning to Cocaine instead.
New Year’s Eve/Day you’ve done it to me again too. But no matter. The rest of the year will be better. I think.

Now that all’s been said and done, I can even go forth and reveal who the acquaintance is.

But as you can see, they WERE discussing particle phsyics. Ah well.

Isa Da Heppy-Burday

(Punjabi for Merry Christmas)

I am on strike. I simply refuse to rant. It must be the festive season. Actually, maybe it’s because I’m just generally Happy, with a capital H these days. I regret to inform you that I’ve mellowed out…well let’s see how long it [bad-word-for-fornication]-ing lasts.

Observations:

The fastest a Hyundai Santro Xing (not the eRLX model) can do on the NOIDA toll road is 140 Km/H before the Engine says Uncle (and Aunty too).

The fastest a Honda City (new model, but not VTEC) can do on the NOIDA toll road is 180 Km/H but then I ran out of Toll Road. Boohoo.

It’s cold.

Patrix, your 2 posts on your return to India sucked. But not for the reasons that Vulturo is afraid of. Oh if I were just a little unhappier, this post would be a rant

A blogger who shall remain nameless(not Dilip D’Souza) actually dared to reject a comment I had left on his blog one day. And it was the most innocuous comment too. It said: “Hey Samit, nice meeting you at eM’s Party. BTW, since I’m referring to you on my blog, just thought I’d let you know”. Just publishing it here so that the truth is not lost to anus of blog history. Or something.

Saket’s new name is 12DrinksAhead. Further, the !$#@#!$@#! dared to call my blog a ‘CatBlog’, when he was only OneDrinkAhead. I swear by the blood of a squished malaria-bearing mosquito, I will have my vengeance, and then some.

Aanchal, nice Christmas/Birthday party.

Last of all, The Trump Card – This is what I bring out when I’m on my last ditch attempt at getting a woman to date me:

Me, aged 2.5 years old. Photo pasted in passport which got me to Hong Kong.

“See..now if you go out with me, we might fall in love and get married, and then YOU could have a baby as adorable as that picture”.

Little TTGs running around all over the place. Oh what a fantasy!!!!!

ignore read more (after you’re done pulling my cheeks…ahem, the UPPER ones!)

Oh and a question to the rare people who actually visit my blog:

“King Kong” or “Chicken Little”? Which would you see and why. Discuss.

More random stuff

Of Horse Woman, and other trivial matters (I ripped off somebody’s blog name! The shame of it all I tell you!)Ok, so first off, I’ve been terribly sick with a cold for the past 3 days. Why? Because I haven’t bought new winter clothing since 2000. The connection? Well I only have two sweaters, and two sweatshirts. The sweaters make me look like a grandpa (they’re my dad’s), the sweatshirts make me look gay. So whenever I go out, I wear a shirt, with a T-shirt underneath and my gangster jacket (If I’m unshaven, I think it makes me look like a goonda). Thing is, that isn’t enough for Delhi weather these days, so I got an awful cold, and have been totally out of it.

Related to that point, is cold medicine. Cold medicine makes one drowsy. Along with the sleep come some of the most bizarre and intense dreams. Having taken the first dose of medicine after a trip to Turquoise Cottage, I dreamt about TC the whole goddam night. The only thing missing in that dream was a wild orgy. But that could be because I don’t remember all of it…. The next day I was re-reading Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead just because I can, and the dreams were full of people talking in those solemn mind-reading tones you find in those books.

I’m going blind.
NO, not because of masturbation, you freaks! Because my monitor is on the blink.
Here, take a look:

The image is squished. Can anybody tell me if 17″ monitors are available for around Rs. 4000 anywhere in South/Central Delhi? The sardarji we buy our computer stuff from tells me that a shitty 15″ comes for 4600, and I think he’s ripping me off. Looks like I’ll have to get my butt to Nehru Place soon…

The Return of HorseWoman.
Who is horsewoman? HorseWoman is a woman I met 2 years ago. She’s my mother’s cousin’s girlfriend’s daughter. I’m completely serious. Anyway, I met her, and I thought she was hot, but I was very much into my ex-girlfriend-who-wasn’t. Since there wasn’t much happening with my girlfriend-who-wasn’t, we decided to take a break. During that break, I called up horsewoman, and met up for coffee, because I wanted to show my girlfriend-who-wasn’t that she shouldn’t be taking me for granted. Biatch. Now horsewoman is very hot (tall and fit), but there are a few issues…if you haven’t guessed it yet…she’s obsessed with one thing, and one thing alone…Do I really need to mention what it is she’s obsessed with? And I mean obsessed. Her phone’s wallpaper has horses, the sms tone is a horse neigh, there are posters up in her room, and of course, she is an expert rider….ahem… the er… fact that she’s good at riding studs….is the part that appealed to TTG. (Plus the fact that horse-riding breaks hymens…so…..). Look, this is a male blog. This is how this male thinks. Get over it. Anyway, so we’re out for coffee, and we run out of things to talk about really quickly. Now TTG knows something about everything, so he usually mentions a buzzword here and there, and that gets the conversation flowing….but when it comes to horses…I had to give up. After asking idiot questions like “What kind of horses are native to India – did they originate in Arabia” and other such stuff, I had to quit. I almost reached a point of desperation and was about to ask her loudly in the middle of Barista: “CAN WE GO MAKE OUT NOW? We’ve talked for 30 minutes, that should at least equal a tentative first kiss?”. But I restrained myself. Anyway, to cut a long story short, me and horsewoman met once again, we went out to Steel with her friends, but Horsewoman is a decent woman who doesn’t drink, and she didn’t dance much, and she didn’t seem to want to make out either…so after Steel, I drive her back to her place…and instead of opening the door and getting out of the car…she’s sitting there waiting….awkward moment, because I’ve already decided that (yech)I’m still in love with my girlfriend-who-wasn’t and can’t really get myself to make any moves…so she’s waiting…and I had to just like say “OK, well BYE…” and then she opened the door and left. HorseWoman, I just want you to know it wasn’t your fault.

I think HorseWoman suspected I was psycho, because after that night, we never went out again, but she did call me over to her place a year later to do some psych tests for her project (her undergrad major was psych)…This must have been some form of revenge…(trust me, it wasn’t an attempt to seduce me).

Anyway, after that she disappeared, and we didn’t speak to each other again, until I figured I’d re-establish contact with her this September, in an attempt to get over my ex-girlfriend who wasn’t. So we finally go out for coffee today (after 3 months of phone-tag. She’s busy in IAS coaching classes, and playing games, clearly!)
She’s as hot as ever, and she no longer just talks about horses. She’s looking at a few potential men right now to get into a serious relationship with. I tried to convince her that you’re only young once, and flings are the way to go…but she didn’t seem to buy it. Sigh. And now I’m on my way to Melbourne.

Update:
I’ve just realized…that to this day, I have never asked HorseWoman what her last name is…or even when her birthday was/is….Just goes to show where my priorities lie…

Which brings me to my last point. I got my visa today. Yay. AUSTRALIA, HERE I COME!

Ari Ari Ari (Adipa!)

My Theme Song

Ok, so the last few posts have been absolute crud, and this is because, I am actually suffering from Blogalysis/Rantalysis

Blogalysis: n. An inability to blog brought on by having too many topics to blog about, and not knowing which should be brought to the fore.

Rantalysis: n. An inability to rant brought on by feelings of immense anger/hatred/frustration felt on reading a Socialist/Communist/”I’m in support of Free Markets but…”-ist

Anyway, so since I’m suffering from these -alyses, I decided to pick another frivolous topic.

If your blog had a theme song, what would it be?

Now, while a lot of people will give profound and spiritual answers (some song by Dylan, or The Doors, or Hendrix, or U2), you have to understand, that I’m Punjabi. So instead, I’ve decided that the honour for the TTG Blog Theme goes to…:

Baraa Barsi – Bombay Rockers

Basically, if I were a little more shameless, I’d have that song playing in the background everytime you visted this blog, but I have some standards, however sparse, so I’ll just ask you to pretend it’s playing everytime you visit my blog.

Baraa barsi is some Punju folk that the dholwalas always sing in Punju weddings. They make up verses, each dedicated to family members, (so when they sing the verse with the word ‘Mama’ in it, the Maternal Uncle bounces out of the circle into the middle and does the Indian Wedding Uncle Dance (usually with some Scotch in his hand, OF COURSE).

ooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkk…..that being said, The Bombay Rockers have of course, remixed it in their Punjabo-Danish fashion, and I hereby declare it the Theme to Voice From A 2.5-World Country.

Now if I was a famous blogger, I’d have started a new Blog meme, and tagged 4/5 people. But you see, I am an elite blogger, and therefore, have no such pretensions :-p. But if you DO get inspired by this post, remember to link back, complete with bend-over-backwards-praise.

BTW, Yes, I am fully aware about Operation Duryodhan (Gratuitous Link), and I have nothing to say, because all has been said about that. And of course, there was the whole goddam after-party post

I even wrote a whole rant about it…but there were so many cusswords in it, that I got a notice from Blogger saying I needed to pike down (ok, not really).

The Yumnam Effect

A “Page 3 of Blogging” style post…

Went to a party last night. Met Samit Basu there. The conversation went as follows:

Me: Hi
Samit: Hi.
Me: You’re Samit? Samit who?
Samit: Samit Basu.
Me: Oh cool, Duck of Destiny right? Congrats on your Book Launch. By the way, I’m TTG
Samit: Ah yes of course, you’re the Elite Blogger!

Samit is a lot younger than he sounds on his blog. I was expecting a 36 year-old, and got a 26 year old instead.

Anoushka Shankar is back with her ex-boyfriend (the one she’s been with fer 10 years or so), the old half-breed Goat! Will these two lay off each other and give the rest of us a chance. “Tango” (friend and blog commentor) is gunning for the boyfriend, and well we all know about me. Tango was meant to sell me to Anoushka tonight…but she(Anoushka) was liplocked…

Hmmm what other gossip do I have….none at the moment…

Social Ambiguities

nd other randomnessSex is like Cricket, you’re only as good as your last performance
Sex is like Cricket, the REAL deal is the 5-day game
Sex is like Cricket(for men), wood is a necessity, as are balls.
Sex is like Cricket, why settle for 4, when you can hit 6
Sex is like Cricket, without protection, you could be out for 9 months
Sex is like Cricket, you will be punished for blocking incoming balls with your leg
Sex is like Cricket, if you’re not in sync with your partner, one of you’ll get run out.
Sex is like Cricket, everyone wants to be (Wo)Man of the Match
Sex is like Cricket, you really ought to Pace your Innings (you might not get two!)

Ok, just thought all that stuff up on the spot (no, really!).

Additions by RTD2

Sex is like Cricket, practice makes perfect.
Sex is like Cricket (for straight men), you’d really like to bowl a maiden over.
Sex is like Cricket, sometimes a silly point can be dangerous.
Sex is like Cricket, it’s easy for me to get stumped in both.
Sex is like Cricket, it’s all (Indian) guys think about

***

So… you go out for dinner with people from the Business School you’ve just got into. They’re paying for it. Do you go against the crowd, and not order the set dnner? If everybody else is having White Wine, do you go for the Red? (if you’re me, you say Fuck It and do so…).

Anyway, today I meet my ex-Car Pool partner for dinner (her name is M, she’s been on this blog before). I figured I’d give her a nice treat and stuff, and we could sorta say goodbye properly. (Besides, she’s an attractive Bong women, and TTG likes having dinner with attractive women, Bong or otherwise )
So the thing is, she’s (happily) married. And we’ve not had any physical contact ever (duh). Is it appropriate to give her hug? A handshake? (More on handshakes later – I hearby declare shaking women’s hands to be illegal. You might as well just stamp a sign on my forehead saying “I AM NOT MAN ENOUGH TO BE GAY EVEN” rather than shake my hand…). Been wondering about this for a while – HEY I’ve had nothing better to do for the past month, OK!

In other news, what do you get as a birthday present for somebody you’ve met recently? It can’t be too cheap, because you don’t wanna look cheap (although maybe a birthday card would do). It can’t be too expensive, because a)You’re a miser, and the person doesn’t merit an expensive present yet :-p, b) it might freak said person out. But you wanna get on this person’s good side Problem is, what’s too cheap, and what’s too expensive? And this isn’t a close friend. Shopping for close friends, at least for me, is next to impossible! Argh! Well ‘cept this one time when I got my closest friend an answering machine – and that was a strong hint, because that pig never used to return my calls (this was in America, about 4 years ago – SMS hadn’t been invented there yet, I’m serious!, plus we were broke college students, so we couldn’t afford cellphones). I suppose tying a red ribbon round me in my birthday suit, and jumping out of the birthday cake and saying SURPRISE! is not a good idea? Yea, didn’t think so. Ah well.

Social ambiguties, I tell you. They’re annoying.

Nishel – My Belle

Promotion/Pimping.

I need to get me a fur coat and an old Cadillac.

Hey folks, above you see an old high-school friend of mine. Her name is Nishel. She’s of Bihari origin, but is based out of the UK. Nishel wanted me to do a whole blog post on her. Why? Did she attempt to prevent the adulteration of petrol? Nope. The upliftment of the Dalits? Nope. But basically because she’s hot, and she’s single.

And she also sent me the following mail:

why arent i on your blog? i want to be on your blog! put my pics on there!!!

Now I wouldn’t have done justice to the poor IIM grad, or to any Social Workers, but I think I can do justice to her.

So this is Nishel, who’s based out of London, UK. Apart from a whole bunch of interesting things, she’s helped manage the Tommy Hilfiger stores here in Delhi, and was responsible for handling the opening of the Moschino store in Mumbai. So guys, if any of you happen to be in London, and think you match her criteria, leave a comment.

(Yea, I had a big crush on her, but she won’t go out with me. )

DhanyavaadDena

Thank You
Ok, so I’m not American. I don’t even really like Turkey (it tastes like fake Chicken, if ya ask me). And Cranberry Sauce…er…I can take it or leave it alone.

Anyway, thing is, lately I’ve made some new friends here in Delhi (yes, it’s possible :-p).

They consist of the following – an ABCD woman – S, a regular American dude (white) – M, and a Columbian woman (who’s lived in Washington, DC for awhile) – A.

Cold Turkey
So the thing is, these crazy foreigners were really missing Thanksgiving (well A wasn’t). So they figured they’d hunt down some place here in Delhi that would be doing a Turkey dinner.

The response wasn’t very encouraging – None of the 5-Star hotels knew what Thanksgiving was, and no turkey dinner there. The American Diner wasn’t hosting anything special for Thanksgiving either. It turns out there are only 2 places in all of Delhi (India?) which serve turkey – The first is Subway. The second is the Oberoi Charcuterie in Vasant Vihar. (Well there may be other places, but these are the only two I know).

So anyway, S succumbed to a viral, so she was out. That left me, M & A. I told them that since they don’t want to be eating Butter Chicken on Thanksgiving, we should go to The Olive Bar & Kitchen (yes, it’s the Delhi version of the Bombay one).

So we get to the Olive Bar & Kitchen place, which happens to be hosting a private party in the outer area.

WPP
It is at this point where I shall now discuss WPP – White People Privilege.
My two friends got to the place before me, and on entry, they were asked if they had a reservation, to which they replied that they did. After being asked that question, they were let in to the Olive Bar, and instead of proceeding to their table, they gate-crashed the private party (which was easy to do, because you had walk through the pvt party to get to the inner part of the restaurant). So they were munching on free kebabs and wine for about 10 minutes, until I arrived. Now as fair-skinned and ‘non-Indian-looking’ as I am (there will be a rant about this soon), I’m still Indian enough (is it the beer belly? ). So not only was I asked if I had a reservation, I was escorted to my table personally, so that I could not accidentally get to the free wine/food. Now, my friends had to join me inside, because we weren’t part of the private party, but I lied pretty easily, and told them my friends were from the party, so could we just attend the party first, and then eat dinner later? There were no arguments or anything – this could only be accomplished due to my friends being foreigners. I’m sure I’d be refused if we were all brown!

The Blog Mafia
So we had a delicious dinner at Olive…and midway through dinner, I spot a North-Eastern-looking shrimpy-boy standing outside, in the private party…. yes, it was my Nemesis – none other than James (Bond) Ranjan Yumnam. So I point him out to my two friends (who read the whole story about this), and M – who is about 6′ 3″ or so, and well-built says “Let’s go and kick his ass dude”. I was a little hesitant at first, wondering what I’d see in the paper tomorrow, but I came around
So me and M walk up to the Old Goat, and my friend proceeds to trash the guy’s ethics, and says how he’s surprised that he can make money out of lying so much, and then terminates things by calling him a cocksucker. (I stood silently by while this happened). We then proceeded to return to our dinner.

An interesting night….

Best.Scam.Ever.

Does anybody have 3500 rupees to spare?

So here’s what I got in my e-mail today….

Thanks for your interest here are the details for you:

THE GROUP

We have a group of hot sexy fun loving beautiful gals, men and couples from India and NRI visiting India,who want to have Erotic fun with decent broadminded gals,men,couples.They do not need any compensation. They just want to share their wild hot fantacies and maitain privacy at the highest level.

You may accompany them for movies,Fun parties,pleasure trips and hot fun.Our gals/cpls will never ask for money since they come from rich and decent families and belong to top MNCs,Modelling, Fashion world and own Business.

Here you need not to pay any amount to any member except one time annual membership fees. However If u wish u may be compensated handsome amount by our gals up to Rs. 4000 – 10000 per night for satisfying her erotic desires,However,it purely depends between partners.

Our gals and couples enjoy all types of kinky fun like oral, anal fun, threesome and group fun, fun in swimming pools, bath tubs, secret open places,swapping and lots of more … Most of members also get together several times a month for group fun and exploration of fantasies. So if you are interested in making fun relationship, you must be very extermely broadminded with all these interests.

SILENT FEATURES

We provide happiness through creating opportunities to meet wonderful companions and partners for pleasure n fun. We provides an environment and opportnunies for decent broad minded men, fem and couples to meet similar minded most refined men, females and cpls. We endeavor to provide a discreet and personal service.

Once you join, you may have fun with our members at your own place, at
their own place or at any place mutually agreed by both partners. You may also have fun at our nice secret places like farm house and luxury independent houses in Posh locality, provided by high profile members.

You can avail our services anywhere in India without paying additional payment. There will be no limit on the number of times for fun. We are absolutely determined to provide highest level of service, ensuring discretion,professionalism and integrity. We promise to be honest, reliable and friendly at all times.

MEMBERSHIP FEES

you need to pay membership fees Rs 3500 in advance.The membership will be valid for one year so you have to renew membership every year with the amount of 3500.This is only one time requirement after that there is no need to pay any amount to gals or us. Membership fees for singles couples are same.

Our members belong to decent rich families and need not money, they just want fun. For joining you have to pay only annual membership fees. After this there is no need to pay any amount to gals or us. Membership fees has to be paid in advance directly into Bank a/c by cash/cheque.

SERVICES AVAILABLE IN FOLLOWING CITIES ACROSS INDIA

Allahabad, Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Bareilly, Bhubaneswar, Chandigarh, Chennai, Coimbatore, Dehradun, Faridabad, Ghaziabad, Goa, Guwahati, Gurgaon, Hyderabad, Jammu, Jaipur, Lucknow, Ludhiyana, Kanpur, Kochi, Kolkata, Kochi, Mangalore, Massoorie, Meerut, Mumbai, Mysore, New Delhi, Noida, Patiala, Pune, Shimla, Trivandrum, Vadodara, Varanasi and Vishakhapatnum

HOW WILL YOU JOIN WITH US

We shall send a membership form through Email, in which we require some information from you. If Your form gets selected for our club then you will get assigned a member no. to recognize you among other members and bank a/c details. Then you need to pay membership fees in advance directly into bank by cash/cheque/transfer.

HOW WILL YOU PAY YOUR MEMBERSHIP FEE.

You would need to pay membership fees by cash directly into bank a/c.We will send u a/c details and bank name once your form get selected for our club.We do not accept membership fees personally. No contact reference and pics would be provided before membership joining due to our strict privacy policy.

HOW WILL YOU FIND A PARTNER

As you get registered with us we will send you profiles,phone numbers and number of pics for your selection. You need to select one or more pic and call to us then finally we will fix the date and time for ur fun. Few gals/couples don’t wish to provide their pics at initial stage. After developing some understanding through Emails they will provide you pics.

You may also directly contact with gals whenever and wherever u wanna fun she will ask your member number and immediately will give u a date for meeting..

PRIVACY

We have strict privacy policy since Privacy and secrecy is our first priority and we do expect same from our members. You must be free form all decease. We provide all details, contact numbers and pics only after registration. We do not provide Any reference and pics before registration.

At this stage we totally avoid t o giving our phone numbers and addresses due to maintaining privacy but as u get registered with our club you will start to receive all sort of things, Like our phone no. and address from all the places in india wherever our network exists.

SO IF YOU ARE INTERESTED

If you want to be a part of this group then ask for membership form which will send to you by email by mentioning Single /couple. After the filled form is received from your side then we will send you the member no. and Account details if your form has been approved for membership

Thanks

Gosh, this is the best ripoff e-mail I have seen in a long time!!!
Is anybody willing to lend me 3500 rupees so I can see what happens? (I have a feeling I’ll see my name in the paper when they find out I sent this ‘pimp’ 3500 bucks….)

<!– –>

Randomness

Can’t think of a sub-heading

Laloo has been kicked out of Bihar. Yay. But will there be any change? Who can tell.

I tried to export all my posts to WordPress But gave up 1/5th of the way. Too complicated, and annoying. wordpress.com doesn’t allow u to change the template. What’s up with that? If you’re giving free hosting at least give everybody full control.

Confession: I actually like the main song from Neal’N’Nikki. Yes, I need to get my head examined. ‘I’m the Neal, I’m the Man, Rockstar, Superstar…’. Argh. ‘Main tab bhi itna cool tha, jitna main aaj hoon…’. Sigh.

Being unemployed means you get to sit at home and download lots of pirated music. As depressing as ‘Yellow’ is, I downloaded it, and now I’m hooked to it too. Suggestions for good music to download will be appreciated. Anything to get Neal ‘N’ Nikki out of my head!

Saw Harry Potter on Monday Night. I actually thought it was a decent movie, though many people disliked it. Yea, Lord Voldy-Whatsit should have hammed a little less, and been a little more scary, and some things should have been explained better – like what priori incantatem is all about. And how come we weren’t treated to a little of the Quidditch World Cup Final? The dude who played Ron does a great job. Cho Chang does look pretty attractive.

Google Analytics, is interesting, but a bit slow in loading up. Interestingly it gives me the following map:

Or well maybe non-interestingly. I guess it should figure that Delhi people visit my blog the most, followed by B’bay. The most visits come from USA, but they are much more fragmented (naturally).

And finally there’s this:
Went to see the movie with an old female school friend. I realized that I was attracted to this female friend (shocking considering never really had any feelings for her before). But this friend is actually into Anoushka Shankar’s(The Sitar Playing daughter of Ravi) ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend is a looker, being a half-breed/mudblood and all (He’s half Spanish, half Indian). Anyway, so in conversation with her, I found out that Anoushka is currently very single…but she’s in California. So apart from figuring out The Next Big Thing and learning how to use WordPress, I have to figure out how to get Anoushka Shankar to date me. (We actually met once, when she was not so famous, but I doubt she’ll remember me. Ah well).

Outsourcing. No Worries.

Why the World shouldn’t worry

Disclaimer: This post is based on no researched facts. It is completely based on the contents of my head. Read at your own risk

America, is of course worried about outsourcing to India, and how all its jobs are going down the tube.

But lest ye think that India is all ok about everything, there has been lots of talk over the past few years that India will lose its edge to China, or the Philippines, or Estonia or somewhere.

No.

This whole outsourcing thing will actually just cease to be an issue soon (for Americans) and Indians also need not worry. Here’s why:

1)Indian salaries are rising much faster than American salaries are falling
In the outsourcing industry (software, BPO e.t.c), the average pay hike, for the past 2/3 years has been a whopping 30% (no sources, this is just based on my anecdotal evidence). A pay hike is expected every year in the software industry! This when inflation is a low (by Indian standards) 4%! Now the SOLE reason for outsourcing is cost. If that cost advantage disappears, there will be less outsourcing. If salaries in India are rising fast (in this sector) eventually outsourcing becomes less lucrative. Another reason for this salary rise is a shortage of skilled workers in India!!!

This brings me to point 2

2)There is no other competition
If India is going to become more expensive, then the work should just shift to other countries which are cheaper right? No. Why? Because the uniqueness of India, lies in BOTH the quality and quantity factor.

India has a large number of qualified and engineers, and continues to churn them out. Other countries may be able to match on quality, but few will able to match on quantity. Quantity is an important factor, because of the way outsourcing works (in India). Put simply, it’s “Throw 2 billed engineers and 2 shadow resources on this problem, and get it done!”, i.e. have four people do the work while you’re only charging for 2. Even within that equation, those 4 engineers are making more money as compared to the pre-outsourcing days. No other country has the amount of qualified engineers that India does to enable it to perform outsourcing cheaper rates than the Indians! They may be able to sustain it temporarily, but the wages would rise faster in a smaller country than they do in India. So attempting to outsource (on a large scale, i.e. the type of stuff done in India) would be a very temporary phenomenon, short-lived.
Okay so quality and quantity. Now here’s another crucial factor: Time Zone.
The bulk of outsourcing comes from America. India is 12 hours ahead of 1 or 2 US time zones. What does this mean? This means that you can provide 24 hr support to American customers, and charge DAYTIME rates for the full 24 hours. While India is also handling US daytime customer service, the nightly stuff is what makes the huge difference. You have somebody who is (sort of) up and perky in their time zone, but working through the American night time. This makes it theoretically possible for an American company to get something like 18 hours of work done in an 8 hour workday, by farming problems over to the Indian wing after their office hours. While this is not something revolutionary, it is successful because companies who would not be able to afford this before can do so now! (Multinational corporations have been using timezones to their advantage for centuries, but now even without a global presence, smaller companies can make use of this).

Wait. If we’re talking population, what about the only other 5000+ year-old civilization in the neighbourhood?

3)What about China? Nothing.
India has nothing to fear from China in the software field. For lots of reasons.
One of them is English. Yes, we’ve been hearing for a while now that the Chinese government is pushing Chinese people to learn English. But this is already true of many people in India. English and Hindi are part of the Indo-European language tree. Chinese is not. It is much, much easier for an Indian to learn English, than for a Chinese person. This is not to say Chinese people will always suck at English, but this an obstacle in the way.
Another important language issue is the language of the operating system. In India, computers using local languages never took off, for a variety of reasons. But in China, Windows, Linux e.t.c they are all in Chinese. Now if your customers are American, they’re probably using the English version of Windows. If you’re in India, so are you. So What? Weelll, technically, an American company could ship its English product over to a Chinese company, but then there’s added overhead: If the American company’s software product is in English, there now needs to be an interpreter betwee n the Chinese developers and the English designers….and some things can be lost in translation. But in India, you learn Computer Science in English. And thus, certain things are instantly clear. Language makes a difference…

Ok now the thing is that determined Chinese can overcome this. But there’s another big hurdle against them. A Chinese worker is already more expensive than an Indian one!. I say this again, with no evidence. I base this simply on the GDP per capita for the two countries. China’s GDP per capita is higher than India’s. This means, in a very inaccurate sense, that China’s income is higher than India’s. This means that the cost of a Chinese worker (his/her wage) is higher than an Indian worker’s. So not only do Chinese not have the requisite large pool of English speaking graduates, but the ones they do have will already be more expensive than Indian ones.

Add lack of a decent legal infrastructure to handle IT issues, and the lead that India already has in Software/BPO, China is not a threat in this particular sector.

Conclusion
So..in conclusion, eventually outsourcing will peak, then drop, and that day is not far. Also, although I dismiss the competition, it doesn’t mean that they won’t get some small share of the pie. Eventually, faster than people think, outsourcing to India will no longer be the value for money it used to be, and that will be end of the large scale trend. In order for the Indian software companies to survive, they will have to “move up the value chain”, into the consulting biz, and also by developing their own products. Infy, Wipro and TCS already have their own products, and other big companies are working to develop their own, to shut up cynics, who constantly crib and question: Why doesn’t India ever produce a Google or a Microsoft? And consulting is already happening.
End result: India gains a reputation in a “knowledge” field, and if leveraged correctly. gets to exploit it as Brand India. As for the Americans, eventually the outsourcing will drop off, some jobs will move back, and Americans will eventually discover the Next Big Thing and ride the next wave.

Azaadi (Freedom)

Naukris and Chokris

More personal rambling

In March 2000, a cocky young Punjabi man studying Computer Science & Engineering at the University of Pennsylvania was lying on the grass on a hillock on the Swarthmore campus in South Philadelphia. He was lying down, with his eyes closed, on a beautiful sunny spring day, waiting for the suburban train to arrive. There were only two words going through his head at the time, and they were – I’m Happy.

Why?

The gorgeous Trinidadian woman of Indian descent, with that cool singsong accent, had reciprocated his feelings for her, the previous day.

And that day, he had just cleared the final round of interviews for an internship with Amazon.com. They were offering him what in hindsight looks like a humble amount of money, but at the time was the largest amount of money he had ever seen against his name!
How do you think this interview has gone so far? he was asked, mid-way through the second round. His response: So far so good, I think. I made it into the second round, didn’t I?

In other words, he’d got a naukri and a chokri

He went on to work for Amazon.com, but hated his life in Seattle. Seattle, while a beautiful, beautiful city, can be very, very lonely. The young engineer still remembers those days of solitary confinement with some trepidation. Eventually, the loneliness led to misery, and the engineer’s work suffered. Add to this, some damn fools decided to ram airplanes into buildings on the other side of the country. All of this meant that after the Engineer’s OPT ran out, he would not be able to get an H1-B work visa. So he was laid off, and made his way back to India, no longer the cocky young engineer of March 2000.

In other words, no naukri, no chokri.
(Er.. the Trinidadian woman had disappeared a long time ago).

So returning to India in 2002, the young man remained unemployed for bit, but did not ever lose hope, because in the back of his mind he knew he’d get out of it somehow somewhere, sometime. He went to the gym and wrote common e-mails to his friends, showing pictures of the “New India” complete with angry rants (a pre-cursor to the Voice From A 2.5-World Country days). Then one day he got a call from HCL Technologies, they wanted to interview him. He went for the interview, and they turned him down. Then they called him back, and interviewed him again, and this time, he was accepted as a Stipend Trainee.

A Stipend Trainee?? After working for Amazon.com?! Well you see the thing is, in India, only 6 months of work-ex, even at the #1/#2 online retailer in the world isn’t really valued…Plus this engineer spoke with a strong accent (not quite American, not quite British, but definitely not Indian), and everything he said wasn’t really comprehensible. Further, they were afraid that, coming from America, he wouldn’t fit in, and probably expected a Mercedes(Benz) to ferry him between work and home.

Why did he say ’sweet’ of products and not ’soot’ of products? And what’s up with the letter Double-Yoo? Everybody knows it’s Dubloo.

But still, one of the managers had faith in him and decided to try him out. So began a new chapter, in a new company for the young engineer.

One day at the end of 2002, he went with his sister to a book launch – some Old White Dude had released some Kama Sutra-related book. Here he met a tall thin dark Jain woman, with her English boyfriend. He blanked out the English boyfriend, and concentrated on the woman. This must have had some mystical effect, because the English boyfriend went off to Costa Rica the next day, and thus began a ridiculously long (and ridiculously painful) relationship with the Jain woman.

So in effect, he’d got a naukri and a chokri

Three years, and one “Star Performer” award later, we move to 2005. The not-so-young engineer has stagnated in his job, and his relationship. The woman’s long gone, and almost forgotten too, with a little more time. The job? Well, he quit yesterday. Two months of being unemployed before another chapter begins, in a business school on the other side of the equator. Where you celebrate Christmas on the beach, and Shrimp-on-the-barbie has nothing to do with sea creatures on dolls.

No naukri, no chokri!

The cycle keeps spinning…

*Naukri, Chokri = Job, Woman in Hindi

Divergence

Just some more personal rambling

Read only if you’re totally bored

So the way it works is that, in my mind, I have this vision of the woman I happen to be “seeing” (for want of a better word). When things are good, my mind’s vision and the actual physical woman converge, superimposing each other. When things go bad, they head in the opposite direction. When things end, there is complete divergence. There is the woman in my mind’s eye, as I want her, and as I would like her to see me. And there is the real actual physical person, who no longer has any relation or bearing to the woman in my mind. Eventually, all the memories get blocked out, a few stubborn ones persist, and some crop up at random times – when a song plays, when I drive a little too rashly, when I feel especially sorry for myself e.t.c. All this falls through a sieve, until only those memories which match the criteria defined by the woman in my mind’s eye remain. The result is a little pantheon of women in my mind, which share the same names and physical features as real living beings who’ve basically moved on with their lives. Like the mostly-pathetic person that I am though, I continue to rever the women in my mind, even though they no longer exist as I wish to see them. I don’t think I ever really get over them…

I have a theory, and the theory is that sometimes, there is only 50% convergence, but you keep optimistically hoping that the convergence will increase. In this hope, you spend 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, some people even get married, hoping for a convergence. If you’re lucky, maybe the convergence actually happens, not so lucky, you see the two different images diverging slowly, and realize it’s time to discard the image and “look for a new model”, as Vulturo says.

But how do you forgive yourself for ignoring the fact that from day 1, the images were divergent? That you kept trying to superimpose your mind’s vision on the real person, with usually terrible results. When your brain keeps telling you “these images don’t fit!”, but you keep telling it, “They will, they will, eventually!”. And then one day, you wake up and finally see jusy how far apart those images are. Divergence.

There ya go RTD2, my response to The Milkshake Challenge

Last of the short stories..

A little therapy (see previous post)

So she is with another guy. Does it really matter? What was left of our “relationship�? anyway? Phone calls, which only I used to make, at my own expense. What loss is there really, for me? None, except loss of face. The worst thing you can do to a man is kill his Self-Respect. Quoting Ayn Rand: No. The worst thing you can do is kill a man’s pretense at it, because true Self-Respect cannot be killed. She’s so right.

(Sorry, just had to cross the limit there. It’s not even a short story anymore. So what?)

“It’s not you. I just don’t feel like being physical with anybody right now”.
“That was the way I felt at that time. I meant it then“.
“If I find another guy, why can’t we still be friends? Don’t you see that what we have is beyond labels?”.

If you fall for this tripe, who is to blame, other than yourself? Can you really claim the “Purity of the Victim” simply because you chose to hope that even though the signs are bad, things will improve? Life is cruelest to the Optimist – but only if s/he stops being an Optimist. This is one more lesson learned. Be Optimistic. But listen to your brain. This should never have continued past 2 months. That it went on for 3 years is a travesty, and could be viewed as time wasted. But it served its purpose. Is there any point punishing yourself? You made a mistake – one which you’ve made before. So what?

Oh and one last thing:

“You’ve have gotten closer to me than any other guy has ever been”.

“Closer-than-ever” guy has known her for 3 years, and can usually tell what she’s thinking while she’s thinking it, and can sense when things are heading South (like they did).

Recently-met-lucky-bastard gets to sleep with her after having known her for about 2/3 months.

Is sex just sex? Who got closer to her? Yes, this exposes me in a poor, homosexual-type light, but it also exposes hypocrisy. To one man, she reveals her favourite colour, to the other, she reveals her body, and she gives herself to him. Who got closer?

One of them was just an over-glorified Best-Friend (”Let’s not put a label on our relationship”).

Again, you only have yourself to blame, if you believed this tripe. Time to move on, and find somebody who is less of a hypocrite.

Short Stories…

I’ve been tagged

Here’s my attempt at writing a short story, in 55 words. Not much of a story. But I think it says a lot.

After three years of love, hate, arguments, space, relationship labels, men & women, they were ready for a break. An indefinite break. Isn’t that the same thing as Goodbye, he wondered? Then Geetanjali walked past him, onto the dance floor. Perfume alluring, dressed to kill. *Smile* Yes, we need an indefinite break

Not the best I can do. I might even cheat and rewrite it. Ha!

Well instead of cheating I’ve just deformed the idea.

Here’s some more of the story

Did I love her?, he wonders, on an hourly basis. 3 years. How can I still be uncertain? Is that internal Void because of her, or is it simply because the last occupant has left, without a replacement? She may now be possessed by another, and equally possess that other. That drives me crazy.

* * *

Some random flashes of memory. Cuddling in a basement bed in London. Fighting outside a South Delhi multiplex. Getting a head massage in a New York taxi. Trying to figure out what life would be like if we were married. Married?! Fuck me! I’ve got places to go, and Wild Oats to sow!

* * *

In an old sci-fi classic, a character wonders: Why can’t I grieve? In the same tone, He asks: “Why don’t I miss her?�? Where is that dull ache? That feeling of being incomplete. Why don’t I feel it? Was it all for nothing? Then self-admonishment. You have reasons to be Happy. He realizes: I am.

* * *

He’s given his notice. Less than a month left before he is free. Being idle scares him. Being lonely scares him. But a new life beckons. Will I be up to the challenge? Yes I will be, this time. Having attempted to make his mark in the Northern Hemisphere, he now crosses the Equator.

I tag Shiv and Karma

Thank YOU ALL

I’m going to London….

I just wanted to thank everybody for their gift of unconditional positive energy. It worked. Special thanks to Karma for helping out with that. If you ever need some positive energy for your own purposes, you know where to get some….

A Request….

For some positive energy…
So it’s like this…there is a friend of mine who I care about more than anything else in this world whom I am going to try and see in London. But, in order for me to get to London, I need a Visa. I will be going to get that Visa this Thursday. But in order for me to get that Visa, I also need to get a few papers from my company, which have been mailed from California on Friday, but have not reached me yet…and may not reach me in time for my appointment. (Due to circumstances beyond my control, this is the only time I can got for the appointment).
Anyway, so as an experiment, I am asking all those people who pass my site, to donate or lend me some of their positive energy – i.e. just a ‘best of luck’ or a ‘you’ll surely get it’ type deal. I’m not much of a religious person, but I do believe there is a powerful force (or multitude of forces) at work in the world. The universe is too perfect to have sprung up randomly. But we’ll discuss those metaphysical issues later. Right now, could I ask you for some totally-renewable, environmantally-friendly, and healthy positive wishes?

Thanks.

Happy Valentines Day

Some comic verse to make it worse..

I do not have much to say
this special Valentine’s Day
For I am all alone
short of money and cellphone
living the single life,
with no girlfriend or wife
but many women friends
who drive me round the bend
But despite my current state
I use this space to dedicate
To all who view this page
a day free from hate and rage.

I Leave you with the lyrics from one of my favourite songs -

“These Words” by Natasha Bedingfield:

These words are my own

Threw some chords together, the combination D-E-F
Its who I am, its what I do, and I was gonna lay it down for you
I tried to focus my attention, but I feel so A-D-D
I need some help, some inspiration, but its not coming easily

(bridge)
Tryin to find the magic,
Tryin to write a classic,
Dontcha know, dontcha know, dontcha know?
Wastebin full of paper,
clever rhymes- see ya later

(chorus)
These words are my own, from my heart flow,
I love you, i love you, i love you, i love you,
There’s no other way to better say
I love you, i love you

Read some Byron, Shelley and Keates,
recited it over a hip-hop beat
I’m havin trouble sayin what i mean,
with dead poets and a drum machine

You know i had some studio time booked,
but i couldnt find the killer hook,
now you’re gonna raise the bar right up,
nothin i write is ever good enough

(repeat chorus twice)

I’m gettin off my stage
the curtains pull away
No hyperboles to hide behind
My naked soul exposes
woaaaaah

(repeat bridge)
(repeat chorus
I love you I love you, thats all i got to say
cant think of a better way, and thats all i got to say
I love you, is that ok?

Oh and special thanks to Karma, for letting me be her online Valentine

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A Long Walk (off a long pier)

A (typical?) interesting day in New York
This post was meant to be about my company’s guide to America for its Indian employees. But I was too lazy to go through that document and post the funny stuff here. Also, because I have no politically-charged stuff to write about, this post is just a (maybe-boring) journal entry.

Ok, so as some of you may know, TTG is in New York. After shifting from one place to another all of last week, I finally have a small cubby hole of my own to call home for the next 6 months or so. Anyway, not knowing anybody (who lives close enough to me) in NYC, I figured I’d just get on the subway, and aimlessly wander around Manhattan. So I left my basement cave in ultra-ethnic Jackson Heights (I owe Sulekha.com for this place!), hopped on the subway, and got off at 42nd St (Times Square). About 4 years ago, after lunching there, at the Olive Garden, I wandered off North with an old friend of mine. We walked, along Central Park, from Times Square to the Gugenheim Museum. This time, I decided to head South, in search of the Apple Store, to see what the iPod Shuffle looked like. On the way I stopped in Old Navy, and didn’t find anything I liked. Then I stopped in H & M, and saw a supercool blazer for $129. But I had feeling that I was too overweight for it So anyway, I just decided to walk far south, along 7th Avenue, and it was at some point in that journey that I decided to go see the WTC site instead. I did not lose anybody in 9/11, although it is somewhat connected to my being laid off 3 years ago, but then everything is connected to everything.. Also, while many people have been to the WTC viewing gallery, I have only peed in the basement restroom…so I guess I don’t really have any attachment to it, but I figured I’d go there simply because I could. So after one very sweet, delicious Cappucino and Chicken Fajita from McDonald’s, I was off searching. I knew that I just had to follow 7th Avenue southwards and I should be able to find it. I didn’t want to ask anybody, because of my own prejudices – I assumed that if they found somebody with brown skin asking about the WTC, they’d have me arrested or something. But it turned out to be easy to spot. Amidst a thick concrete jungle is a gaping hole, and now a big construction site – which will be home to: The Freedom Tower, a big park, two large square pools which represent the towers, and a futuristic transportation centre which will house the PATH trains and the NY Subway. It’s really odd, most of New York is surrounded by the regular city noises, but the construction site is eerily quiet…but then again maybe the workers are off on Saturdays..
Strange, I went looking for iPod shuffles, and instead end up at the site of America’s worst terrorist disaster. By this point I was very tired (Hey I walked something like 42 blocks, of course New York blocks are shorter!), so I boarded the E train to head home. When I got on, I saw to African American kids sitting in a corner counting some money. Then, as the train started moving, these two kids walk to the center of the carriage, shout “Ladies and Gentlemen, can we have your attention please?”. Then they turn on a small stereo they were carrying, and start break-dancing, in the middle of the subway carriage. Usually, the subway is full of people who look perpetually grumpy. These guys managed to put a smile on their faces, and mine too. They did some pretty cool acrobatics too, and then proceeded to ask for donations, which caused my wallet to be $1 lighter. Then 2 subway stops later, they were gone, replaced by the usual bunch of black, white, yellow and brown faces crowding the subway…..
Finally I got off at Jackson Heights, only to be greeted by the now-familiar Bangladeshi-owned Indian restaurants, sari shops and Patel Cash & Carries dotting the area. All-in-all, an interesting day in New York.

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Return of the Jedi

Coming to America…

So after being away from USA for 3 years, I make my way back, to steal a few jobs and dollars. Who woulda thunk it?

Anyway, unfortunately, my net access will be limited, so I guess I’ll be taking a break from blogging.

So until the next blog opportunity I leave you with the following:

I’ve read in many places the following line:

We need fifty years of double digit growth in per capita income for Indians to catch up to today�s western standards.

Question: Is it imperative for India to reach a stage where 1 billion people are demanding iPods, running around in SUVs and whining about lack of wi-fi availability?

I think the aim should rather be to ensure that the poorest of the poor get to preserve some semblance of their dignity. That their stomachs are at least 75% full.
Let’s get it straight – India is NEVER going be remade in the image of America. And nor should it be. But looking at the above quote, no wonder people think reforming India is a losing battle? Why do we have to aim for today’s WESTERN STANDARDs? Can it not be argued that “The West” is kinda post-development? I mean even if we aimed for the level of development or per capita income achieved by western countries in the 80s, isn’t that good enough to get things moving? Of course, the above quote might be used to simply indicate how much of a disparity, but it’s still dumb..

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Some advertising

Not much is New, and the Old is beyond monotonous…

1) If you haven’t already, please check out the previous post (Delusion of Grandeur), and comment on it! I will be pushing that particular post for the next few blog entries, (then probably do a write-up any issues related to it, if people actually bother to add something interesting to what I’ve written!).

2) http://web.archive.org/web/20060518130304/http://www.keyhole.com/ – all I can say to this is WOW!!! Keyhole is a company (now) owned by Google, and basically, it holds lots of ultra-detailed satellite photos of the world. Of course, it is mostly America-centric, with some other places like Europe and Pakistan thrown in !#@#!$@. You view these photos by downloading a small client application on to your computer – BEWARE – this application is very CPU- and Bandwidth-intensive. The application itself is amazing, the way it can zoom in to a street address in America (I used it to take a peek on my old address, and lots of other people’s addresses!!). I must have wasted at least 3 hours on this alone. Unfortunately, street addresses outside America don’t work (but Verika, I still managed to find Marble Arch in London and view it from above and there are no photos of India (could this be for some Indian National Security reasons? Anyway, this site is great and allows one to waste loads of time zooming in on people’s houses, offices, stadiums or the Statue of Liberty of wherever. It is KICKASS! Just bear in mind that you will need a FAST net connection, and FAST computer (I’d say a P4 with 512 MB RAM at the very least). Check it out!

3) And finally,
I would like to introduce to you Benjamin Feen’s photo album. Why is this important and who is Benjamin Feen? Ok well first, I don’t know much about him – I assume he’s an American software engineer. Anyhoo, he’s in Hyderabad for a month, and the thing is, for once, a non-indian is showing fairly balanced pictures of India – I stumbled onto his blog from BoingBoing. Instead of finding a nice little poor village with cows, he shows you Hyderabad (well most of it – there are too many pictures of jewellery, but hey I think he had different audience in mind. Anyway, check it out just so you can see a teency-weency bit of Hyderabad…. Anyway, naturally his pictures fall in line with this Voice’s beliefs so he gets some free advertising (don’t know if he wanted it!)

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Delusion of Grandeur

Unity in Diversity, why not?
Ok, well it’s another slow news week, so slow in fact, that people’s comments in blogs are already being labeled “Worst Comments of Year”, which is pretty funny considering how early into the New Year we are.

Anyway, after reading one of Akshay’s older Posts (see the link to Trivial Matters in my External Links Section) on an India-Pakistan re-unification, I decided to document the idea on my blog, for future reference. The idea of an India-Pakistan re-unification is an old one, nothing new there. But I’m suggesting a South Asian Union, or a United States of South Asia (USSA anyone? :-p).

Ok even that idea is pretty old (and new – people look to the EU for inspiration..). But nobody seems to pursue it. Since cynicism seems to be a trait inherent in South Asian genes, most people probably envision the idea, decide that it will never work and then carry on with their lives.

However, since my life is currently in limbo (when isn’t it?), I decide to not “move on” and preserve the daydream in a blog entry.

So here are contents of my daydream:

Kashmir & Eelam and the 7 Sisters
A United States of South Asia, consisting of the following countries:
India (of Course), Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Nepal, Bhutan and Kashmir.

Yes, I’m counting Kashmir as a country in this daydream, and so, solve the Kashmir problem in one fell swoop (I am soooooo amazing…). See, instead of belonging to India or Pakistan (which is a zero-sum scenario presently), if Kashmir was a separate State of South Asia, it would a) be part of both and neither of the countries at the same time, and b) give the Kashmiris the autonomy that they’ve always wanted. The same applies to the Tamil Eelam – instead of being a small chunk of Sri Lanka, the new Tamil homeland would be the (former) Indian state of Tamil Nadu, clubbed with Jaffna (Sri Lankans, I apologise, I don’t know if that offends your sensibilities. Bear with me, it’s just a daydream at this point…)
Finally, “The 7 Sisters”, the 7 states of India which lie beyond “The Chicken’s Neck” which are also continuously fighting for a separate Bodoland and Nagaland – they can get that too. If we look at present day, Nagaland for example would be a NEW country carved out of an existing one -however, if all of the surrounding countries are part of larger union, nagaland/bodoland/Eelam all just become autonomous provinces part of the greater whole…again the extremely naive optimist in me believes this is the ideal solution for all the Sub-Continent’s territorial disputes…Saying Kashmir is a part of India will always piss a Pakistani off. Saying that we’re all citizens of the USSA? Does that rankle in the same way? Well..not to me…

Leadership, Governance & Laws
I envision the Union to be a loose federation, having a rotating presidency like the EU. So this is kind of how I see it: There is a Governing Council, which consists of the leaders of all the 6/7 countries/states, and one of them is the President. his presidency rotates every 3 years? 2 years? 4 Years? by country, which is the only fair way to distribute it, in my opinion.
Every member union must have a democracy in place, either presidential or parliamentary. Monarchies, dictatorships have no place in this union. This is because this voice has lots of faith in Democracy as the best form of government. The other reason all of the countries need to be democracies is so that they can follow a somewhat common set of laws. Each country would be able to implement the lowest common denominators for example on Human Rights, protection of Minorities e.t.c. Hell, this union would consist of so much diversity, that legislation for preventing discrimination would have to be pretty broad.

Travel & Trade
Of course, travelling within the Union should be free (i.e. without the need for a passport). This free movement is necessary for the union to be a success economically, and politically.
Trade of course will also be completely free (i.e. a Customs Union, like the EU) . Again, this will require that all the union members follow the same basic legislation …

“A Grand Army of the Republic”
Heh, to rip off a line from Star Wars Episode II, just think of the sheer size of the armed forces of the USSA. Of Course…in Star Wars, the 1000-year-old Republic’s Grand Army was just a precursor to formation of The Empire…hey I can live with that But it would be nice if India and Pakistan didn’t have their missiles and nukes pointed at each other. Further, think of the pooling of resources and cost-savings. We’d be the only Defence force in the world which had both F-16s and MiGs!! (As far as I know, anyway!)

“The #1 Cricket Team in Universe”
Contributed by RTD2 (see comments)
Tendulkar, Dravid, Sehwag, Jayasurya and Inzy’s batting, Shoaib and Murli’s bowling, and the rest (please no flames on who I have left out or ignored. Cricketing debates require a separate blog altogether!) Of course, this would also take away one of Cricket’s fiercest rivalries, but what to do, we United South Asians would be Like That Only! Note to World: Please ignore result of Asia XI vs Rest of World XI played recently….

Ok, these are just some of the visions that I’ve been having recently. Some people will ask, at this point, WHY? Well, some reasons are already mentioned above

- Solves the Kashmir problem (in my view, of course)
- Will go a long way towards enriching the inhabitants, especially the smaller members – as an Arrogant, Pompous Indian, I think Bangladesh, Bhutan and Sri Lanka would benefit from having free access to a large Indian and Pakistani market
- Resolves a few border disputes, and integrates the sub-continent in a way that Indians (like myself) are always fantasising about
- and other reasons which, when they occur to me, will be added to this post

Of course, there is milennia of mutual distrust, and a fear of loss of identity and culture that may come with such a union, not mention all sorts of other disputes (Do we allow Indians to freely settle in Pakistan/Nepal/Bangladesh and vice versa? Can they own land? Won’t they steal each other’s jobs? Will the Caste System spread or be destroyed? Will 300+ Muslims vs 800 Million Hindus, make the infighting even more bloody, or will it reduce polarisation, like in the pre-British era?)

I just wanted to get the ball rolling, and hopefully get lots of input from anybody who passes by this blog….

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Attempt to prevent a Spillover

 One small step for Delhi, one huge leap for Indians…So I was driving home from work today – twas a working saturday – YECH! Anyhoo, anybody familiar with New Delhi will have an idea about a place called ‘Dhaula Kuan’. This is basically a big-ass crossing where traffic all points of the world converge. 3 Years ago, this was an awful place where the traffic jams knew no end. 3 Years ago to recently this place was a nasty mess of construction (as is most of New Delhi today). Finally the darn crossing has been completed, and now it’s possible to travel in any of the directions without having to stop at a traffic light, whereas before this was just a crossroads with 4 traffic lights and chaos.

But being New Delhi/India, just having a signal free road is never enough to prevent traffic jams (I mean, if a cow is sleeping between two out of 3 lanes, the most well-planned roads and crossings will not help you).

Out of the other countless problems is what I like to call “Spillover”. In this specific context, it refers to the commuters waiting to get onto a bus. Instead of waiting in a line (Line? What be that, bhaisaab?) on the pavement/sidewalk in an orderly fashion, most people waiting for the bus tend to spill over onto the road…sometimes this spillover extends to the end of the first lane of a 3-lane road, thus causing the bus to stop in the middle of road so as to not flatten passengers (it doesn’t always succeed at that mind you). Anyway, in a city of 14 million people (This number is greater than the entire population of many European countries), Spillover can be a real problem.

So the spiffy-looking Delhi Traffic Police actually decided to something about this – to be fair to the Traffic Police of Delhi, they actually do their job more often than not, it’s just that there are so few of them to go around. They’re more courteous than their other brethren (could this be because you tend to be paying them traffic fines, by any chance?).

They were actually standing on the pavement/sidewalk with their nightsticks (about 4 of them I guess) blowing whistles loudly and actually preventing pedestrians and waiting commuters from spilling on to the pavement. It was an interesting scene. As all of us motorists drove by, it looked like some sort of welcoming parade to see a long line of people standing on the pavement, desperate to set foot on the sacred stretch of black tar they were so used to occupying till yesterday. It was actually funny. And it helped prevent a usual traffic jam. If the traffic police actually manage to keep this up, I’ll be forced to take a picture of this new phenomenon and post it to my website.

Here’s to more semi-revolutionary ideas like this one – what comes next I wonder? Lane Driving? Let’s see…

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More on Defending India…. Part 1

Indian democracy is something to be proud of
OK, there’s not much new happening in my world. Haven’t been blogging with much frequency lately, but then this voice is giving that blasted GMAT exam so as to get into ISB and push my own standard of living up…but that is neither here nor there. Since there’s not much new stuff happening, I’ll harp on some old stuff.

Ok first off, you know your country has moved up in the world when it stops appearing in the political section of the Economist, and moves into its Economics section. Being an avid subscriber to the Economist, I’ve been noticing this gradual change occur over the past 4/5 years. But with greater publicity comes greater criticism. Especially when one makes the statement China is way ahead of India, in terms of development.

MYTH – Democracy is what is holding India back. As Arun Shourie, the ex-disinvestment minister put it (as a reason for why nothing gets done) – “In India, everybody has a Veto”. I would just like to state for the record that this is bullshit. There is a strong voice within and without India, that respects the “order” and “discipline” with which China functions. I’d like to tell all of those people that if it wasn’t for Indian democracy, they wouldn’t even be able to freely make that criticism. China has a nice way of dealing with dissent – it’s called Jail (and some extreme cases, Death). Yes our population is out of control. But as Indians, we believe in reproductive rights – this means that a woman will NOT have a her ovaries removed by hospital staff after her first child-birth in India. Even though Human-rights violations MAY occur on an almost daily basis in India, they are not mandated as a part of the foundation of our Country. They are unconstitutinal, illegal, and the perpetrators CAN BE brought to justice – the framework for all of this exists, and works more often than the media and Cynical Indians would have you believe.

Here’s a another critical point – Women. Yes, there are still a gazillion atrocities committed against women. Yes, it’s still unsafe for women to walk the streets alone at night (Although I would like to state it wasn’t much safer for the women who were attacked in the Wharton School bathrooms by a rapist – TWO YEARS IN A ROW). Anyway back to my point – the biggest proof that democracy works in India is the number of women in power. Are these women repectable, the epitome of Morality, or even woman that I like? Nope. Still, here’s the list:

Vasundhara Raje – Chief Minister of Rajasthan

Uma Bharti – Chief Minister of Madhya Pradesh

Jayalalitha – Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu

Sheila Dikshit – Chief Minister of Delhi

Mayawati – Ex-Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh, Low-Caste (and also stupid enough to try and secretly construct a Shopping Mall next to the Taj Mahal – reason she was kicked out of power).

Mamta Bannerjee – Head of Opposition in West Bengal

Sushma Swaraj – ex-Health Minister

Honorary Mention – Indira Gandhi – ex-Prime Minister (deceased)

Sonia Gandhi – Congress Party President
Behind every great man there is a woman….She’s not the leader of India – but she damn well could have been. First time I’ve EVER heard of anybody renounce Prime Ministership! Yes she got where she did only because she married a former leader…but before you point your finger repeat after me: SON OF A FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE USA.

All of these women were in positions of power. Influential positions. As much people would like to believe that these women probably got here through their connections or whatever, the fact is that they got voted into power. I voted for Sheila Dikshit myself and am a fan of hers…And after they got voted, they were (and are) accepted by most of the public. For a country as “backwards” as India, this is a big step. I could draw a parallel with a 200-and-something year old democracy which is YET to ELECT a woman into a position of significant power (Currently 8 of the 50 states have a woman governor)…but I won’t…

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Find your Political Direction

Left,Right,Middle?
I stumbled upon this website: The Political Compass
Basically the site asks you a bunch of semi-obvious questions to determine your political leanings (i.e. Communist/Capitalist, Individualist/Collectivist, e.t.c). Of course, the site is a little Ameri-centric, so not everybody may have an opinion on the issues mentioned. Anyway, I always considered myself to be somebody who was right-of-centre as far as my politics went. I am all for capitalism and the free market, but a dose of Clinton-stylye liberalism is good too. Anyway, this site gave me a -0.25 leaning to the left, which means I am actually split down the middle! And it showed me to be heavily for the individual (-4.97) as opposed to being in favour of a collective will – that part didn’t surprise me, I never really liked everything that The Borg* stood for. But I find it funny that I’m actually right in the middle as far as left-wing/right-wing goes, I always thought I was more on the right-wing side! On the other hand, this test could be completely meaningless. Check it out for yourself!

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It’s an Upside-Down World….

So He Won….
With a majority this time and no cheating…..sigh. Ah well, I guess the ‘peaceniks’ and the ‘commies’ will have a few more wars to protest against. As far as I’m concerned , today is a sad day for the world.

The really odd part is that the Indian Media and stock market are both really happy that Bush is in power, go fucking figure!!

The Stock Market is happy because they assume Bush won’t put an end to outsourcing, and Kerry would have. Frankly I think Kerry was just doing a little pandering and would not have gone through with his threat.

The Media is happy because of some bullshit statement that Bush made about visiting India in the first year of his 2nd term if, he got a 2nd term. Basically the foreign ministry and the media think Bush is better for India than Kerry. I keep wondering how this can be, when Bush considers Pakistan a major non-NATO ally, and India is never mentioned, (nor thanked for helping set up the Afghani infrastructure, or for helping out the American troops in Iraq with the non-military support).

I would rather an American president did not have India on his radar at all….the American people (including American businesses, heh) sure, but not the president…

So Congress wins in India, and Bush in USA. Talk about unexpected, and upsetting.

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Country Metaphors???

So heading back home thru the art-form that is New Delhi Traffic, I caught the RJ* rambling on about how Manoj Night Shyamalan said that his latest movie – The Village could be seen as a metaphor for America.

WARNING – SPOILERS AHEAD – DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE

As somebody who’s only spent 5 years in America and spent 25 years approx. hearing about it from one source or another, I struck me as true in some senses, but very simplistic…but then it’s only a 2 hour long movie.

So to escape the persecution of the “Outside World” these people break away, going to a place out in the middle of nowhere. Ok sounds like America somewhat. All of them have an awful story about the outside world, and how harsh it is. Then they get attacked by the “creatures” in the woods, which prevent them from leaving their self-centred isolated world, which of course turn out be self-created. Yes, that seems like America to me too. But of course, as self-sufficient as their village is, they still have to depend on the outside world for a few things – the quest to get medicine, for example. And the outside world depends on them too somewhat – those security guards that man the perimeter, they salary was probably paid by the the Rich owner(s)? of the village (most likely William Hurt still has all his father’s money). And even if one of these vilagers does venture out of their village, she’s the Blind one. She leaves the village with her single purpose, and so does not stop to try and get a sense of what the outside world is really like. Then she heads straight back home, to safety. Yep, sounds like the America I know again…

Steven Spielberg’s new Movie The Terminal has just released in India, and the above RJ says that this is also another metaphor for America. He quotes Spielberg as saying “All of America can be found in the shops, restaurants and offices found inside any airport terminal…like some sort of Nowhere Place”….alrighty…will have to see that movie for myself and decide…..

On the other hand…. one could look at a blank sheet of white paper and say it was a metaphor for a rainbow in some way or the other, so all the above could just be hot air….

So after all this rambling, I pose a question to anybody who brushes past this site -
What do you see as a metaphor for India?

To get the ball rolling, here’s my two paise:
I see India as a really really old and fragile vase, always on the brink of shattering. This vase has been shattered and put together quite a few times over the years. And each time it becomes whole, it’s never quite the same, because the shards that are glued together to make it whole come from entirely different sources – sources which one would never think of mixing together. Oh and it doesn’t have a smooth round shape. If you look at it from one angle, it looks kinda appealing. Turn this vase just by 1 degree and it looks ugly, misshapen, very badly formed. And each time you look at it, you will see something different.

Well there’s my contribution. Anybody else with a more interesting one?

*RJ is short for Radio Jockey. In India, People on the Radio are called RJs and not DJs, because here, the term DJ is reserved for those people who play the music at clubs/parties, and are part of that whole dance/hiphop/remix culture. Odd, but true.

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A Good-News Update

802.11g Among The Suticases and The Stench
So New Delhi Airport has gone Wi-Fi, like other airports across the world. Now all we need is a World-Class airport, as well World-Cass Wi-Fi….someday, when a non-Congress government is in power, we will have that World-Class airport…

Triumph Of Democracy(Not that anyone cares)
The mostly-male parliament of Jammu & Kasmir proposed a ‘Women’s Bill’. This bill stated (among other idiocies), that Kashmiri women lose all rights to property within the State of Jammu & Kashmir, if they marry a non-resident of the state/non-Kasmiri. Their reason for doing so wasn’t entirely chauvinistic. Because some idiots decided to alienate J & K from the rest of the Union of India, the Indian Government passed a few laws in the 1950s which stated no non-Kashmiri can hold land in Kashmir. This means that a lot of Rich North Indians, who have the money and power to transform what is an impoverished state into something livable, can do nothing but sit pretty. And in the meantime, all those impoverished unemployed Kashmiri youths can go about murdering the Indian army soldiers, with Pakistani-supplied Kalshnikovs. Anyway, one way to circumvent that rule was to allow Kashmiris to marry non-Kasmiris, and then rule could be partly subverted. So taking note of this fact, the Kashmiri Legislature decided to create the women’s bill. However, after being exposed to a lot of negative media coverage, this bill has been mercifully consigned to the Dust Bin. Look for all the info here and here

The ‘Silver’ Lining
Ok so although we walk out of the Olympics with only one silver for 1 billion people, it wasn’t all that bad. In many events that Indians were competing in, they broke all National Records, and ended up finishing 6th/7th. These means that 2nd & 3rd aren’t that far away, really. As far as this voice has been alive, this the best showing India has had in the Olympics (i.e. the 80s, 90s and 00s)

Till next time, this voice is Silent….

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More Monsoon Babblings

 Slow Week
So now that Delhi is finally getting its share of rain, the UPA government is relaxing a little. But of course, all of Delhi is suffering. Granted, the monsoon brings us our yearly supply of water, but also gives rise to the Annual Supreme Traffic Jam. But this jam only takes place on one particular day every year, because there is usually only one day in the year when Delhi gets 24-hours-worth of rain.A Powerful Woman
According to Forbes Magazine Sonia Gandhi is considered to be the 3rd most powerful woman in the world…. not bad for a broke Italian student learning to speak English in Cambridge….

1 in a Billion, Again
So Major Rajyavendra Rathore gets a Silver Medal in the Olympics. And everybody else is now either disqualified due to doping/stupidity or just didn’t make the cut.

Social Security?
The outgoing NDA government had decided to issue National Social Security Cards anybody who has a job, and contributes to the Provident Fund (Sort of like the 401(k) in America). So now Indians will have Social Security numbers too…

Bollydelphia
Bollywood is finally getting the balls to tackle AIDS, with a new movie called Phir Milenge (We’ll Meet Again). Apparently the story is about a woman professional who contracts HIV from her hubby, and her struggle with the prejudices at work and in society in general. You can count on Bollywood to play up stereotypes and handle sensitive issues with sledghammers, so I doubt this movie will amount to much…but the UN is actually endorsing it!!!?!?!

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Monsoon Babbling

2.5 World Country Weather (for the Newbie)
Seattle is apparently the most depressing city in the world, with the highest (recorded) suicide rate. One of the reasons attributed to this is the weather. To quote most Seattle-ites – “This Year’s weather will be overcast, with light showers (except on the 4th of July)”. Slight exaggeration, but not off by too much. ‘Cept for one or two summer months when you get to see how beautiful Seattle is – There is the Puget Sound in one direction, tall shiny glass buildings in other, the Glorious Grand & Dormant Mount Rainier to the South, and…more buildings and civilisation to the North. Anyhoo it’s really good looking, ‘cept when it’s raining when all is mostly grey and gloomy…..

Approximately halfway across the world lies a pointy/peninsular landmass, which was once a part of Africa some gazillions of years ago. Eventually this land mass broke away, and hit Asia pretty hard. Real hard. Thus the Himalayas were born. Apart from acting as a natural barrier to prevent China from invading India, they also contribute to an annual event which most Indians anticipate anxiously. Having the Tallest Wall in the World to your North, 2 seas, 1 ocean to the South, and some mostly-flat plains in the middle gives rise to the Indian Monsoon. Loosely translated as “Our Water Supply for the Year”. But take pity on a 2000/5000 year old northern city by a river. Everytime March-June rolls around, the inhabitants of this ancient city (Delhi) curse their ancestors and wonder why the $!@#!$$!@#!$@ they had to pick this particular area to settle down in. It may have been nice and comfy 5000 years ago, but these days the Great Indian Desert makes its presence felt in Delhi by sending a few dust storms and hot winds (known as The Loo for some reason) in our direction….these storms are further compounded by temperatures ranging from 45-47 degrees Celcius*. This carries on for a while, and in the meantime, the newspapers decide to rub it in by mentioning how Aqua-Bangladesh is 50% submerged, and there are floods in other parts of the country. All Delhi gets is a thickening of the air, as the humidity rises to an unbearable 90%. Finally, once everything is covered in a layer of dust (or melted due to heat), a huge dark cloud approaches (much like it does in the ‘Ghananana’ song in Lagaan). Then cool winds start blowing and the first drop of Monsoon devastation strikes. Pit pit, pat pat, pit………KABLAAM! KAPOW! And before you know it, you’re going for a swim on the Ring Road. Travel times rise. The 25 Kilometre stretch of MG Road* which connects 5000-year-old Delhi to wannabe 2-Year-New Gurgaon takes 4 hours instead of the usual one. New potholes arise, to replace the old one which were patched up pre-election. The government-run telephone company’s phone lines go bust allowing the pvt-run companies to advertise how reliable their services are. Old trees that couldn’t handle the heat finally collapse and close up a few roads, taking a few power lines with them. Kids run onto to the rooftops, for an impromptu bath, and also to start their kite-flying practise for Independence Day

But most important – Everybody’s spirits rise with the rain.

*The MG in MG Road, doesn’t stand for Mahatma Gandhi, like other various MG Roads throughout the company. Becuase this is New Delhi, the MG stands for Mehrauli-Gurgaon Road. Mehrauli being another ancient semi-city left over from Mughal times, which is now a part of Delhi….

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Musings

Indian Democracy’s Knowledge Addition
Dear Cynical Indian Public, here’s one reason to vote. It teaches you an interesting bit of trivia. I learned that your nail takes two months to grow, from cuticle to tip. How did I pick up this interesting piece of news? When you go to cast your vote, the voting officials mark your right/left forefinger with indelible ink (which is apparently easy to wipe off with turpentine or lemon juice – haven’t tried it meself). Anyway, this mark is placed half on your skin, and half on your nail (at the joint). So basically what happens is that the mark on your nail stays on, (the part on your skin disappears naturally). So over a period of two months (starting 13th May 2004), that black spot progressed from the joint (where the skin meets the nail) to the tip in just under two months – it reached the tip of my nail on the 12th of July 2004.

America Says Sorry
So it’s out in most Indian dailies. America officially apologises to India for strip-searching our (now ex-)Defence Minister George Fernandez. Richard Armitage, currently in Delhi (only for today) to touch base with the new government in power, is apparently “horrified” that something like that could happen. The initial source of this was not the ex-Defence Minister, but an autobiography by Strobe Talbott, in which he claims that George (Fernandez) complained about being strip searched. Georgy-boy himself claims it was far from a strip search! Great, for once America actually apologises for a mistake, and as it turns out, maybe they didn’t make one! It is a bizarre world…

Why our country will remain stuck at 2.5-World for the next 4 years
Reason 1
Mr. Harvard-Educated P. Chidambaram’s budget. He managed to make an ass out of everybody, and basically did nothing except to raise Taxes. He made it seem like he was doing a lot more, i.e. throwing more government money into the black hole known as “Rural Development Schemes”…Yay. Throw money at poor people great. “If you give a man a fish….”

Reason 2
The monsoon, according to this voice, has officially failed to materialise. And even if it does, it won’t be even a tenth as potent as last year’s. I can just see the VHP, RSS saying that this is Will of God for not voting the BJP into power, and also for neglecting to take care of the Babri Masjid Issue.

Reason 3
This one requires a whole new post, which may be forthcoming if I can gather thoughts together to make a comprehensible blog entry. But to keep short it is the fact that most people in this country believe that in order for one class of people to benefit another class has to be suppressed. I.e. steal from the rich and give to the poor. It’s not just our country, but a world-wide left-wing phenomena. This voice, having right-of-centre leanings, finds such a philosophy idiotic, stupid, and just plain false. How about this for a philosophy. Let’s just try and make Everybodyricher. I.e. if the filthy rich are getting even filthier rich, LET THEM. But let’s also get the filthy poor to be a little less filthy. Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? It’s never made any sense to me. It basically stems from the idea that “The Rich make their money off the backs of the Poor”. I see. So all rich people got rich because of slave labour. Ok, enough for now, this will probably be my next post for sure…

Fruit of My Efforts & Nothing New

The Gift of Blab
So This Voice now gets its own GMail account. Yay! That was one of the ulterior motives for starting to blog, hehe.

In Other News…
The below is a standard rant of mine, which I trot out every week or so, simply because I can’t keep it inside me.

The 9/11 inquiry just simply confirmed what the world new 2 years ago, but apparently America did not. How anybody can be so dumb is beyond me. The inquiry basically reveals that:
1) Iraq and Al-Qaeda have nothing in common, and never will because Osama felt that Saddam was a miserable excuse for a Muslim
2) Pakistan was a supporter of Osama Bin Laden, until 9/11 when of course, it had to start kissing American Butt.

This just again goes to show what a bunch of hypocrites Americans are, and then they wonder “Why do they hate us so much?”

As has been stated umpteen times by Bastard Bush himself, “either you’re with us or against us”. Then he went on to name Iran, Iraq and North Korea as part of an idiotic Axis of Evil. But Pakistan, a KNOWN supporter of terrorism, AND Nuclear proliferator is of course nowhere on the list, and in fact is MAJOR NON-NATO ALLY.

Then of course, there is India, which is a democratic republic with the world’s 3rd/4th largest army, a huge population of English speakers, and people who help add to the talent pool of America itself, which gets no thanks, no acknowledgement, and the same racist treatment meted out to people from the Middle East.

India does everything that in the Bush Definition is “Good”, and Pakistan has done everything the “Evil-Doers” would do. Yet somehow, Pakistan is made to look more important than India.
So basically, the Terrorists killing Indian citizens are okay, they’re just Free-Dung Fighters, because hey Pakistan is kissing American ass. However, as India dares to be a little bit more independent in its thinking (and a real potential threat to America in terms of military and economic power-eventually), it is ignored, and also the victim of what can only be a malicious campaign.

Message to Americans: Please Vote Bush OUT!

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The Filth Factor

This latest article in The Economic Times (of India) has prompted a few thoughts….For the past two decades or so, China has been the Darling of the West.
“Look Ma, they’re getting richer”
…. followed by
“Look Ma, they’ve taken our manufacturing jobs”

whereas India has been chugging along at its own little pace, quietly gaining ground, going from 3rd-world, to 2.9-world (1991), to 2.6-world(2000) to 2.5-world. For most educated Indians (and non-Indians too, I guess), India’s rate of change is awfully slow (and the Communist-dominated Intelligentsia/Elites will even tell you things have deteriorated over the past 50 years too….and then take a sip in full public view from their legally-imported/part manufactured-in-India Bacardi-with-Coke… one of those “recently occurring small changes”).

First let’s put that change in perspective. 5000 years (ok maybe 2000 if you go by the available paperwork and other evidence) of cultural conflict, accumulation, annihilation are not going to be wiped out in a mere 50 years of Western-inspired-by-the-Enlightenment Democracy. Now at the same time, in those 50 years, our country has been governed by
a woman, (even if it was thru Family connections – George Bush Jr. Hello?)
Has had a muslim, a low-caste Hindu and a Sikh for president. We’re currently ruled by a sikh, and it could have been a Catholic, white widow….These things are a Big Deal. What has been governing China for all of it history? Totalitarian, old, Chinese Men. The names change (Manchurian, Confucian, Communist) but the governing style does not).

But the Chinese have one advantage over Indians – and that is the Filth Factor. Whether it is New Delhi or New Laloo Nagar, Indians have a tendency to wallow in filth. I don’t have any explanations behind this. We take baths as frequently as we can (and more so than those blasted Europeans at any rate!). And we do try to keep things clean somewhat (in house and garden). But the definitive smell pervading our railway stations (and really sadly, our International Airports) happens to Urine, mixed with rotting vegetables. Add that to the fact that any empty plot of land is renamed “Garbage Dump Indefinitely” and you have foreign investors running to Shanghai in droves! You see, we may be a democracy, may not remove women’s ovaries after their first kid, we may kick butt when we create software, but somehow we forgot to erase the slag heaps, and allow the bio-degrable waste to degrade a bit too freely, in too many public places.

This flaw is, unfortunately, a very VISIBLE flaw. When you walk on the streets of Delhi, you don’t see the world-class software developers, or the fact that Indians value their right to Vote, and their right to free speech. What you do see are banana peels, heaps of slag piled around Big, Shiny multiplexes and (if you’re not in Delhi) clouds of soot being emitted from the larger, diesel powered 4-wheelers. So India may be shining (and this Voice believes that it truly is) but it doesn’t help if that shine is blocked out by the smell of fresh pee. Now that’s what China sorted out first. They cleaned up the pee and poo first, and allowed people to hoo and ha at the wonder that is Shanghai/Beijing/Shenzen/Zuhai e.t.c. They might shoot you for messing up the stitching of a pair of jeans – but at least they don’t pee on the road. And this unfortunate, shallow fact makes a big difference, because of the VISIBILITY. If we want to project to the World that we are Great country(and also to ourselves through World…which as disgusting as it is, is what we do) we’re going to have to clean ourselves up. Literally. The Taj seems small not so Wonder-of-the_World-ish because of the louts and other filth surronding it. You don’t get that sense of greatness from it. “This is a wonder of the world…” not been researched, or even considered as valid? Corruption (China), Poor Infrastructure (South East Asia), Lack of Natural Resources(various), Over-Population(China, Japan), Human Rights Abuses (everywhere, barring Japan, I suppose), Prejudice, Inequality of Women. These factors exist in other places, but none of those (or maybe 1 or 2) places smell of pee.

Comments Welcome …

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Political Schizophrenia (and a new Leader)

So Sonia Gandhi stepped down, and pushed Manmohan Singh forward.

Though not entirely a surprise by this point, the whole drama associated with this
event, has managed to restore some faith in Humanity for this Voice, and I think for many Indians. By her symbolic renounciation, Sonia Gandhi displayed some traits that she should have shown much, much earlier.

She displayed leadership, responsibility, (intelligence), aggression and a strong will. Had she been exuding these emotions for the past few years, there may have been a lot more respect for her, and she may possibly have given Vajpayee a run for his money. But till this past week, nobody knew what she stood for, who she was, can she hold together unruly Indians, is she Indian, e.t.c. In the space of one week, she’s managed to change my opinion of her, and gained a lot of respect.

One small part of me (still partial to the Congress) thinks that she might have made a good leader, a strong and agressive leader for New India, who, as the Economist put it, is Indian by choice, not by birth. Granted, it’s not like she was dying to be Indian, but more that she was married to one…but still. However, the more dominant Right-wing part of me says that she is not an Indian, and many Indians, and most of the West will always perceive her as Italian.

So this brings us to the Prime Minister-elect Manmohan Singh. He’s been called a puppet, soft-spoken, Sonia’s pet e.t.c. e.t.c. but he may turn out to be different. After all, power corrupts, and ruling 1 billion people (with the help of some 545 elected representatives of course) is close to absolute power…
He is India’s most educated Prime Minister, with a Ph.D and thus a Dr. Oxbridge educated, and as he is so rightly called, The Man Who Started It All – The Father of Indian economic reforms (ok they were IMF-motivated).

This Voice hopes that his stint at the top job will be a boring and uneventful one, and that this Voice can finally leave Indian politics alone, and start writing about other things. There has been more than enough entertainment to last out a full 5-year term.

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History in the making?

I never wanted to be the prime minister and that was never my intention”“I have decided to listen to my inner voice and humbly decline the post (of Prime Minister)… “

So for the first time in the History of Independent India, a Prime-Ministerial candidate renounces her post. Not just any candidate, but the Bahu (Wife) of the nation.

And she chose to do it symbolically – I renounce this title, as I am not a power-hungry parasite…. not the regular Indian way, for sure. When it comes to symbolism, Indians tend be pretty sparse, doing things a tad more blatantly than non-Indians.

And the irony of it all – to see the Congress MPs beating their breasts, begging their Italian leader to rule 1 billion Indians, and using the most eloquent English (well sort of) to do it in!

Mani Shankar Aiyar, straight out of a Shakepeare tragedy…
Renuka Choudhary, crying her heart out..
Naveen Jindal saying the Youth of India want this..
Shaqeel Ahmed saying “What do I tell all the Muslims whom I asked to vote for me in YOUR name?”

The political party that booted out all foreign influences and helped create modern India, begging a naturalised Italian-Indian to lead them… !!!

One more mystery to add the long list of questions attached to the result of Elections 2004.

Why did she do it? The rumour doing the rounds is that of a security threat. This generation (and the one before it) of the Gandhi dynasty does not have long life-span as one of its traits. Sanjay Gandhi dies in a plane crash. Indira Gandhi is shot at point blank range by her bodyguards. Sonia’s husband – Rajiv is blasted to bits by what was probably the world’s first suicide bomber, belonging to the LTTE (what an interesting trend to launch)…

But would she really have been assassinated?
This voice doesn’t think so. If she was to be killed, why even let her get this far? Why not just murder her while she campaigns? Why wait till she’s surrounded by taxpayer-financed Black-Cat commando security?

Could it be her kids? Doubtful…

Foreign-origins? Possibly…. there would be at least one slur a day in parliament for sure, each time she gets up to speak….

But frankly I think the real reason for all this runs as follows:
Swiping power now means that by the time Rahul Gandhi comes of age, people really may be fed up with dynastic rule. This could simply be preparing the way for him to take the reigns when he is ready, by sacrificing herself.Better to rule by proxy now, putting Squeaky-clean Manmohan Singh up as the face, and she rules from behind….

More reasons for her decision should be posted in the comments section…
(and u could also see the BBC)

In the meantime, I think it would be cool to have Manmohan Singh as PM. The Business community would be in ecstasy if he does become PM – time to buy some shares in anticipation…

He would be India’s first non-High-caste Hindu PM. While the President’s position has been occupied by A Sikh, a Dalit, and now a Muslim, the PMs have all been Hindu brahmins. A Sikh as PM would be a refreshing change.

Plus let’s not forget, he launched India on its current trajectory, way back in 1991, as the Finance Minister of that Congress government.

Here’s to another peaceful transfer of Power in the world’s largest democracy.

Jai Hind.

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Grudging Acceptance

So it is almost abso-posi-lutely-tively certain that Ms. Sonia Gandhi will be the Prime Minister of the Largest Democracy of the World. It is a tribute to democracy. Italian by birth, this woman married a former (and now deceased) Prime Minister of India. After the death of Rajiv Gandhi, she became a recluse, staying out of active life. And she may well be the face of India for the next 5 years. At least it’s a good-looking face.

There are two specific reasons why all of us Non-Sonia-Gandhi people and BJP supporters will simply have to live with this.

1) The BJP had a pretty tidy majority for the past 5 years. Why didn’t it actively pursue the foreign-origin issue?Instead of bleating about it continuously, why didn’t they go out and pass the law allowing only Citizens of India who are born in India . If the rule is good enough for America, it sure as hell is good enough for us! I guess you could say that we are a “truer” democracy than America because we allow more representation…

2) You have to wonder, why did our founding fathers exclude this issue in our constitution? The whole reason that this woman can become Prime Minister, is because the Constitution of India does not explicitly prevent naturalized citizens from becoming Prime Minister. (If you would actually like to delve in to the Constitution…) The fact this point was not on their minds means that the rest of us ‘Xenophobes’ will simply have to accept this as the ideology and essence of our country.

Now we can either try and change this, or grudging accept the humiliating result that after 57 years of self-rule, we are again, being ruled, by a foreigner.

Finally, I leave you with a quote from the Economist, defending her position:

It should surely be a matter of national pride, however, that India has the maturity to choose as prime minister a leader who is Indian not by birth but by choice.

from the Global Agenda

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Sonia Gandhi? Yes or no?

Ok a few things non-Indians should note:
1) The last name is GANDHI. Any other spelling is incorrect
2) There is no relation between Mahatma Gandhi and Sonia/Rajiv/Indira Gandhi. They share the same surname, but not the same family. Ok, that out of the way..

Here’s an e-mail thread between me and a friend of mine, debating whether this woman should lead 1 billion Indians or not:

My friend writes:

This is some information on prospective PM of India – Sonia Gandhi that every Indian and at least every India lover must know.

1.. Sonia Gandhi is ONLY a high school graduate. It is not even sure if she is Matric pass or fail. Cambridge University has confirmed that they have no Sonia Maino on their alumni list.

2.. Her sister, Nadia Mario, who had never visited India before rushed to New Delhi, after Vajpayee govt.fell, to be by her side amidst reports that she might soon become India’s Prime Minister.

3. Should Sonia Gandhi become Prime Minister, her relatives in Italy would be fully entitled to round-the-clock protection by the Black Cat commandos at the Indian taxpayer’s expense.

4. She worked as an house maid in UK while taking classes to learn English in some no name school. She was from a poor family in Italy but now has almost as much money as Bill Gates (guess whose money is it).

5. During the 1971 war, while all Indians stood ready to fight for the Indian cause Sonia Maino and her husband Rajiv Gandhi went on vacation in Italy.

6. In 1977, when Indira Gandhi and Congress lost elections, Sonia Gandhi with her children and husband in tow took refuge of Italian embassy in New Delhi. Only after Indira Gandhi, Sanjay and his Indian wife Maneka convinced her that they came back.

7. Sonia married Rajiv in 1968 and was eligible to become Indian citizen 5 years later yet she did NOT become Indian citizen till 1984 I.e. 16 years after her marriage) This late bloom of Sonia’s love for India also was out of political consideration. In 1984, Rajiv, was heir apparent and most likely next Prime Minister. It would be awkward for a PM to have a foreigner wife. Voila, Sonia became an Indian Overnight.

8. She has not given a single interview or offered any ideas on a single issue facing India now. Her only qualification is that she married a Gandhi. No newspaper has taken up the issue; no political party is opposing this, people are falling in line as if this is nothing unusual.

9. Sonia became an Indian citizen in 1984 but did not surrender her Italian citizenship. She continues to be simultaneously a citizen of India and Italy as Italian law does not require her to surrender her Italian citizenship or passport. Simply put, Sonia is a dual citizen of India and Italy now dreaming of becoming the next Prime Minister of India (she can also legally become the prime minister of Italy!).

My Response:

This is all fine and dandy however:

1) for 57 yrs we’ve been ruled by Indians. Whether they’ve done a good job or bad is for you to decide.

2) Everybody KNOWS that she is leader of Congress. This means that if Congress wins, she will be leader of the country. In spite of knowing all of this, Congress got a greater number of votes than the BJP. Provided that there was little/no rigging (and there does not seem to be any proof of rigging as yet) this means that this is what a significant section of India wants, so it’s not bending over backwards, but gladly accepting.

3)Sometimes we need an outsider to remind us of how great we are and can be. Did anybody know or care about John Wright before he became coach of India. Does anybody know what his average was? What his experience as coach was? What brilliant coaching skills he had successfully applied elsewhere before becoming Coach of the Indian Team? Info about John Wright

4) This IS after all a democracy. We will get our chance to get rid of her, at least once, in the next 5 yrs, maybe sooner than later.

5) Finally she’s not Prime Minister YET, and if she has sense, she will decide not to be.

There is one slight problem, and that is TINA – There Is No Alternative. Second to Atal Behari Vajpayee, not a single person in India politics seems like a Leader

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Who’s Gonna Trade Your Wild Horses?

And so we’re staring at a hung parliament(well as of 10.55 am IST anyway..).

BAH!

Anyway, today’s voice would simply like to argue in favour of a multi-party democracy, despite its nasty side-effect of causing muddled results and ugly party-shifting MPs. There have been many calls, here in India, for a shift to the two-party system as followed in the USA/UK. Frankly this suggestion is just awful, and should not be used here in India (it barely works in USA and UK anyway!).
People argue this is a must for stability, and therefore good governance.
Question posed to those people: The greatest abuses of power occurred in India under
a) 45 yrs of Congress Party rule?
or
b) 12 yrs of non-Congress rule?

If stability guaranteed good governance, nobody would bother to vote anymore! Keep in the incumbent in power, who needs change! Furthermore, the 2-party system works in USA/UK because their populations are a lot more homogeneous than our country. 12 Big languages, countless dialects, 4 major religions, and loads of sects, and don’t get me started about Caste….

There is NO WAY that two opposing streams of thought can cover all that. You need many more representatives to fill the gaps and complete the patchwork quilt that is India, and despite that, the multitude of parties and ideologies have converged into 2 streams anyway (I don’t include the ‘3rd front’ nonsense. The 3rd front should simply be renamed the losers who refuse to quit – but even they are important).
Further, coalition governments help keep the ruling party’s baser instincts in check. Had the BJP not been part of a coalition, I’m sure the abuses in Gujarat would have been worse(if possible) and hell, they might have spread outside Gujarat! Coalitions force parties to compromise, as opposed to dictate terms, and is that not the true essence of democracy?

Finally, let’s not knock the independent candidates. They are necessary to remind the larger players that there is somebody else who could steal their votes. Somebody else who might begin to matter if a divided nation returns a 50-50 verdict(or 45-45-10 verdict). In America, the 50-50 vote led to the Supreme Court having to decide who would be President!!! But in our country a 50-50 vote simply means that the Clean-Cut man from Pune will be given more importance, and courted by the big players, or the dogged Communists of Bengal will become part of the government. This is after all, a democracy. Every Vote counts.

So let the trading begin, as ugly as it is after all:

Democracy is an awful political system, but the best one out of all the others proposed and practised so far

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