I’m smart, and now I have backing for it too

Brahma Chellaney thinks I’m smart

At a recent conference held on India’s Energy security, Brahma Chellaney took a break and went for a walk with a friend of mine. He was questioning why we Indians revere everything done by the British, and how, in his view, we should level Rashtrapati Bhavan and all of the New Delhi Area. On hearing this ‘radical’ opinion, my friend was reminded of me, and she told Professor Chellaney - “I have a friend who feels exactly the same way” to which Prof. Chellaney is said to have responded: “Your friend is a smart guy.”

*pats self on back*

Of course…. this is all hearsay, and completely unconfirmable, so don’t sue anybody over it….

Urban Pind (squared)

On Delhi

Pind is Punjabi for gaon which is Hindi for village.

(So the title is such because most people consider Delhi to be a pind. An Urban Pind.  )

Went to Urban Pind last night for the first time ever. Was quite impressed with the place, they’ve done it up well. Plus, it was ‘expat’ night last night, though honestly, these days, any night is expat night in most of the bars/clubs/pubs in Delhi (and elsewhere too I assume. Lots of white people travelling through India these days). The crowd was good, the music kicked ass, and a good time was had by one and all. I attribute some of this good time to my previously-mentioned colleague A. Somehow, whenever I go out with her, I end up having an excellent time. There will be a post on our fun trip to Bangalore soon, which will explain more. Or not

 Anyways, just the whole night scene Delhi serves to remind how this city has been on the ascendant for a while now, until the next plunder. Allow me to explain. I have become obsessed with Khushwant Singh’s ode to Delhi called “Delhi, A Novel”. I don’t think it’s in print anymore, but I highly recommend you get a copy. While Bombay will have its Midnight’s Children and its Maximum City, Delhi has “Delhi, A Novel”. It’s when you read that you really begin to understand things. How many ‘big’ cities rose (and fell) 100 years before Rome? After reading the novel, you get to see a cycle.

1) Foreigners invade Delhi.

2) Delhi-ites fight back

3) Foreigners murder lots of Delhi-ites, plunder the city, and then govern their kingdoms from there.

4) They then proceed to get increasingly decadent, going native, all the while falling further into complacency

5) Go back to 1)

Sure, in the old days we were dealing with Mughal Emperors and such like. Then we had the British. Now we have ‘ministers’ some of which are Prime and others are just Chief (with some Foreign & Home thrown in ) But the cycle continues. They invade, they plunder, they go native, and then they get invaded again.

And thus the story goes on as it has for a 1000 years.

It’s interesting what prompted that ramble. I was busy drinking my Vodka Tonic in Urban Pind, when a bunch of ‘Expats’ decided to order some Hookah (or Sheesha if you prefer) and were passing it around. Another bunch of ‘expats’ - the Mughals were doing that in the same place about 800 years ago.

Some things never change.

So here I am

where’s here? Here’s there of course, where else?

If you actually look my last post, you will know that I went back and read some of my old posts, and what I realized is that I need to blog. Not to get laid or to get a book deal, but because the blog actually ends up turning into a little autobiography, one way or another. What was the mood at the time. What was I thinking? (The “what was I thinking” feeling comes up often, especially when I see the woman_who_I_thought_was_my_girlfriend_but_she_did_not-related posts).

So yes, where am I? Well it’s been 2 years, and I am still travelling to Gurgaon to work. Only, I’m working in a building that didn’t exist 2 years ago. I am also travelling on a stretch of road* which used to take me 1.5 hours to cross on a good day (2 years ago), and now only takes 45 minutes. That, my friends, is called progress. I am car-pool-partner-less now, but not alone in the car.

The Colleague

I take a female colleague with me, whom we shall call A. Me and A have an affinity for the song Umbrella by Rihanna. We sing it at the top of our beautiful voices, when we’re driving back sloshed from a night out at Cafe Morrison (erstwhile Gourmet Gallery in South Ex)or Saket Buzz or Vasant Vihar Opus-but-now-the-new-so-called-Turquoise-Cottage.  Now, now folks it’s nothing like that. A is getting married shortly. Yes yes, this situation resembles a mess I got into in Melbourne, which resulted in the Delete Blog button being pressed, but it won’t happen this time assure you. Her fiance is a nice guy, worth marrying by the looks of it.

The Job

I work for a ginormous Multinational company whom I shall not name, but shall call Big Blue. If that rings a bell, don’t give yourself a cookie, because it doesn’t require much effort to figure out who I am talking about. Big Blue is cool. It lets me work from home (although I haven’t fully taken advantage of that). Big Blue let’s you take a day off without having to ask for permission (but if you do this often enough, you and I know both know what would happen). But you see what’s interesting is that to an extent, I was working for Big Blue, even when I wasn’t. HUH?

Well you see, Big Blue got kicked out along with Coke, Common Sense & Prosperity in the 1970s, by our good Christian Hindu Fundamentalist George Fernandes. Now, when Big Blue left, its assets were appropriated by Indian entreprenuers, as were Coca-Cola’s. Thus we ended up with these oh-so-pure Indian brands. Campa Cola, Thums Up - built on the corpse of Coke. Ex-Big Blue employees banded together and created their own firms as well. One of them, called Hindustan Computers Limited (now a US$ 4 billion enterprise, apparently) went on to do quite well. I worked for it from 2002 to 2005. Then I worked there for 2 months in 2007. And then I left it, to work for Big Blue. So I’ve never really left Big Blue you could say.

Wow, what an awful ramble. But I’ll leave it here to remind me of how much my writing has deteriorated.

*ok ok, it’s actually National Highway 8, which will take you Bombay if you let it. And being the Original Delhi-ite, I would never let it do that to me!

Revisting Past Glory

Man, I never realised I was good…I actually find my old posts interesting.

So to the few people who accidentally stumbled onto this blog instead of AyatollahKhomeini.com, allow me to introduce myself to you. I am TTG, erstwhile blogger, victim of a sting operation of the Delhi Times (circa 2005), and chaser-after of the now almost famous eM. In that previous life, I was a very prolific blogger. But quantity does not equal quality my friend. Don’t believe me? Well, if you’re a single woman in Delhi, go stand at your nearest street corner, and shout at the top of your voice - “I NEED SEX”. The result will be a substantial quantity, and as for quality… well…

I digress. I was at work today, researching an unlisted company (i.e. not on the stock market, and therefore with no publicly available information) when I stumbled upon a site called The Wayback Machine. Which for some bizarre reason has archived my site. Only some of it. The beautiful obituary I wrote for my grandmother is lost forever, along with her. But there were other posts which are still there. Go and have a look if you’re tired of sending Valentine’s Day cards to yourself. Some of my posts were so good that they engaged even me! Imagine their effect on you! Anyway, let me then announce to the world at large, that I hereby begin the TTG Atlantis Setu Samudhram Recovery project. I need to get the blog posts from The Wayback Machine site, and get them uploaded onto this site. This is a massive task, requiring:

•  7000 slaves,
• a beautiful wife who is played by Aishwarya Rai and who dies after giving birth to my 14th son child
•  and an architect whose hands I will eventually cut off so that he may not repeat the task ever again.

Oh wait. That’s been done before! Damn you ISKCON Temple, always stealing my thunder!*

*If that joke went straight over your head, there’s not much I can do to help you understand it except maybe this might help

Odds & Ends

Tis a slow weekend

 

That stupid “It’s Raining Men” song is going through my head, due to the Maruti SX4 ad. How the F am I supposed remain heterosexual if I am accidentally caught singing that song ? (Although, in this country with its skewed sex ratio it ain’t that far from the truth…but then nobody says Hallelujah because of that…)

The Delhi govt. has done some interesting things, lately, and I wonder what the consequences will be. The drinking age has been lowered from 25 years of age to 21. Finally, a case of laws beginning to match reality.

 

(Obligatory Ivy-League Alma Mater mention). My university’s motto (in Latin) was:

 

Leges Sine Moribus Vanae

Which translates to: Ceaser suffers from gas because he ate a burrito last night. Kidding. It actually translates to: Laws without morals are useless

And I’m sure Ben Franklin came to that conclusion after looking into his crystal ball to see some of the laws framed by the Indian government.

(End of Alma Mater mention)

The other interesting thing the Delhi government did is make it legal for women to work as bartenders. Of course, as has been mentioned a trillion times before, India is a free country, but only in name many a time. India suffers the Asian confusion of considering “Freedom from..” instead of “Freedom to”.

By framing idiotic laws like preventing women from working in bars, India has given you freedom from drunken men molesting women. By preventing people under the age of 25 from drinking, India gives youth the freedom from inebriation (or parents the responsibility of actually raising self-reliant human beings). So, just like we got Freedom from the British, all of our laws are designed to give us freedom from things. Newsflash: They don’t work.

Instead let’s try a different approach - women should have freedom TO work where they choose - so let’s repeal the stupid law that prevents them from doing so. (I’m skipping the alcohol example because I think we all get the point.

 

Just saw a Discovery Channel documentary on the Delhi Metro. I knew it was a Big Deal for the country and the world in general that the Delhi Metro exists and functions, and the show just went on to prove that. I was especially impressed with the Delhi Metro control room, which looks like those cool sci-fi control rooms you see in so many Jerry Bruckheimer movies, big screens and men in ties.

I am attracted to a woman at work. She’s a hottie, and she works as an auditor for the Quality department. Now people working in the Quality department need to have a certain trait. This trait is Anal-Retentiveness. Shame she works in the Quality department. We could have had a passionate affair, having sex by the coffee machine and on my boss’s desk after hours. Ah well. She’s a long-legged single-eyebrow raiser, which really turns me on. I can only raise one eyebrow by screwing my face to make me look constipated. Even then, nobody is sure I’m raising an eyebrow or trying to poop my pants.

I hope my company lets me resign on Friday.If not, I’ll be back here to bitch. Oh wait. Even if I do I’ll be back here to bitch.