Still Rolling On The Floor….

Ha ha ha ho ho ho….

Aekta and eM had asked me to put up a post of ‘6 Reasons why I’m still single’ or something like that which listed my requirements. I wrote that post (was quite crappy), it’s still saved as a draft.

Then I managed to get access to secret documents, and was just going to post those up…but then decided against that.

Then about a week ago, I had come home very drunk, and written a post which was all wallowing in self-pity - it’s also still saved as draft.

But then I woke up in the morning today…. and read the TOI front page.

My question to you is this: How can you run a military dictatorship….and be called….

PALLOO

Go Palloo! Palloo, Supporter of terrrorism? No wonder Bush dismisses all of India’s claims….he’s probably sitting in the White House thinking… “Naw, not sweet ‘ol Palloo….”

end of post

Delhi Blogger’s Meet - November

It’s that time of month again…

STICKY POST - see below for other updates..

Come one, come all to the greatest show on Earth…and er.. after that show, come to the Delhi Blogger’s Meet!

Scheduled for the SUNDAY, 6th of November. Not quite sure about the time - do we start it at 5 pm? If no problems, then FIVE PM is the time. I’m game for moving it back an hour earlier if anybody wants.
This time, we shift to South Delhi, specifically to the Barista Creme, South Extension Part-I. Barista Creme? Well it’s a quieter, and slightly more snobbish Barista, located in the heart of South Ex. So we should be able to hear ourselves think and speak. Will try and arrange a booking, or at the very least, a sign.

See you all there. Looking forward to more communist vs capitalist fights, and more “you don’t look indian” type comments, questioning my loyalty!

Previous blogger meets here and here

Auto-Gratitude

Gratitude To My Car Pool Partner (I hope you’re not reading this)

When I joined HCL Technologies, I used to get to work by the company bus. This was the pre-Private Radio days (2002-2003). No Radio Mirchi, no Red FM, no Radio City (City Bajao!) - which means we were forced to listen to the driver’s cassette, with classic songs such as:

Lal dupatta Mal Mal ka
Main tumse milne aayi, mandir jaane ke bahaane
Chadti Jawaani
Kaanta Laga
Chod do Aanchal
Laage Chhute Naa

The very observant of you will have noticed that around the same time, EVERY ONE of these songs (except Laage chhute naa) was remixed, with naked bimbos squeezing their back sides, and sticking their ..ummm assets… in your face. Coincidence? I think NOT!

Anyway, our company withdrew the subsidy on the bus service, so instead of paying 500 rupees a month, we had to pay 1000 rupees.

(I should warn you at this stage that there is no point to this story. Just writing stuff down).

1000 rupees to listen to Main tumse milne aaaaaaaayeeeeee, Mandir Jaane Ke Bahane everyday for 20 days?!…I think NOT!

So another guy on the bus, a nice Surdy dude called DP decided to try and organise a Car Pool with me and a 3rd dude who lived nearby. We call had cars, so could alternate every day. We picked up two extra stragglers and a happy time was had by one and all.

Then one day, one of our car pool bunch resigned. His spot was taken by an attractive Bong woman, whom I shall call M.

The change in the Car Pool was drastic. There were no more Hindi cuss words while driving. The driving itself improved (marginally). There were no more perverted comments about the women in our company. We had to restrict our conversations to the weather, politics, movies, e.t.c. In effect, the presence of the woman had transformed us from Men into Ogres (or is it vice versa, I can never tell ).
I was the first one to break this new unspoken agreement, when we were driving one day and a cycle-wala decided to defy the laws of physics, with a loud “FUCK!”. There was then a tense silence for the next 4.29 seconds when the other guys were wondering what the M’s reaction would be…there wasn’t any.

Emblodened, the next transgressor of Traffic laws received the title “BASTARD”. The next one I named “BITCH!”. (Yes, maybe this borders on Tourette’s Syndrome…).

Anyway, I took that brave step, the men in the car loosened up a little, and although M never cursed herself, we took to it with gay abandon. It was a decent victory, in the War of Sexes.

Anyway, as time progressed, our Car Pool members resigned, one after the other, so that finally it came down to just me and M.

And I just wanted to say thanks to M, because M is forced into being cooped up in a metal cage (with me behind the wheel every alternate day) for 2.5 hours every day.

The dialogue always runs as follows:

ME:”Good Morning Ma’am”
M: “Good Morning Sir”
ME: “So how was your weekend? Mine was awful”
M: “Mine too. I saw ‘No Entry’ over the weekend”
ME: “Ah, yes, but the Question is…did the MOVIE…see…. YOU?!”
M: “Argh. yes the movie saw me”.
ME: “BASTARD, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!@@!”
M: “So are we taking MG road or the Highway?”
ME: “NH 8 of course, FUCKING MOVE, BITCH!#^@$%@! MG Road sucks”
M: “No it does not, NH8 Sucks”
ME: *Squeezes steering wheel really hard, attempts to rein in exploding vein* “WHY DO I ALWAYS get the idiots who want to drive at 2 km/h”
M:*Starts singing the opening to “Life is a Flower” by Ace of Base* “We live in a free world…”
ME: “Ah yes, but the question is..does a free world live in-”
M: “No, a free world does not live in me”
*Song ends*
M: *points at radio* “Why are we listening to this?”
ME: “There’s nothing better to listen to”
M: *Flips through the stations, comes to rest on a Punjabi song I start singing, quickly changes. “This is all your fault.”
ME: *45 minutes later, stuck in a traffic jam on NH8(The Highway)* “This is all your fault”
*Finally get into Kapas Heda (otherwise known as Hell on Earth)*
*Almost get hit by two Tata Sumos, 1 Qualis, 1 Innova, 3 cyclists, 2 motorbikes, one scooter and 8 pedestrians
ME: “Have I ever told you how much I hate this place?”
M: No
*5 minutes and 2 near-accidents later*
ME: “Have I ever told you how much I hate this place?”
M: No
*5 minutes and 2 near-accidents later*
ME: “Have I ever told you how much I hate this place?”
M: No

And then finally, we get to Work:
M: “Bye”
Me “Goodbye Ma’am!”

Anybody who can tolerate me for 2.5 hours everyday, not out of choice, for 3 years, deserves some thanks. So Thank You M. Especially for the past 2 months, where you’ve given me the support I needed the most. Thanks for tolerating The Vengaboys, and various other injustices to the word music, which were stored on my iPod.

And finally, M, it’s a shame you’re married. I’d be hitting on you, left, right and centre if you weren’t! :-p

Again, hope you don’t read this!

I’m leaving….

…On a Jet Plane. E.t.c. e.t.c.
So at last my departure date approaches - just 4 more days since I cross continents and get back into the Sub-Continent.

In the meantime, I notice I’m not the only Voice who think s/he’s from a 2.5-World Country. There are other bloggers noticing that India’s a 2.5-World country too…..

Here

and

Here

Great going, guys!

Go IGI!

It’s your Birthday, go IGI!
Ok, first off, it’s not really IGI (Indira Gandhi International Airport)’s birthday. The Go ___, It’s Your Birthday, Go ____ is a line I ripped off from an old Taco Bell Ad. (or ‘Commercial’ as they say in the New World)

Anyway, that is neither here, there nor anywhere. Somebody really observant will have noticed that the post above this one (TTG In The Big Apple) was posted before this one)… well that’s true, but i wanted this post to come first, because I feel things should be in chronological order of my getting in to America…)

Ok so not having been out of the country for 3 years, I was very pleasantly surprised to find the departure area of IGI airport looking different!

Allow me to explain. For those who don’t already know, pre-1991, India was a hardcore Socialist country. Socialist thinking runs as follows:

“Planes need a place to land. So let’s build some place for them to land on/in”.

This is the core philosophy behind all airports (except the newly upgraded Cochin Airport) in India. this is what gave birth to the twin monstrosities in Delhi - The Palam Airport (Domestic) and the IGI. Bombay’s airport is bigger, and only a little better….

This of course can be contrasted with the capitalist philosphy of airport building (which can be observed in Hong Kong, Singapore, Dubai and most of the West).

“We’re a small teency-weency place, but if we act as a midpoint for the world, make our airport look like a shopping mall and handout a free mercedes everyday, we can make tubloads of money, and boost our tourism!”

So When a visitor landed at IGI airport (pre-2005) the visitor would be greeted by shady looking policemen, the strong smell of Phenyl, intermittently flashing tubelights (or ‘flourescent lamps’) and a blood-thirsty escalator that would remain non-functional between periods of swallowing poor NRI children as they enter India.

And the departure area…well let’s just say that if you make it past immigration, you’re just happy to get out.

2005 (and probably onwards)
When you land you get greeted with bright lights, nice uniformed and professional security staff from the Central Industrial Security Force (do not ask me what was the purpose behind this formation of armed men…I have no clue, and fear to delve…),
a working escalator and lift.
There are nice plasma display screens everywhere displaying flight info
Outside the airport is still an AWFUL MESS of panic and traffic. The departure lounge however has finally had a makeover:
It is now home to 3 duty free shops, a ‘Subway’ (the sandwich place), and a Reliance Webworld Cyber Cafe (Where they fleeced me for 100 rupees for a half-hour’s worth of surfing time It has a nicer, cleaner look too.

So from the epitome of Socialism, the airport has started looking like a small corner of a third-rate mall. In another 2/3 years, based on the Government’s plans, it will start looking like a world-class airport.

So Go IGI, it’s your birthday, Go IGI!

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