Yea, Me Too

A Year End Post…

Look 2005 has gone. Welcome to 2006.

The End

Ok hmmm, do I have any New Year Resolutions? No, not really.

Any past regrets from the last year? Some.
Anything special I want to share about the past year? No, it’s all on my blog anyway.

What the f am I posting for then? No Idea.

Happy New Year everyone!

What did I do last year for New Years? Well I’ve been back in India since February 2002. But between Feb 2002 and September 2005, I have had no social life (part of this is because of a very unhealthy 3-year long relationship with a nasty female canine – yes, Bestiality…). So…last year, me, my sister, my cousin and his wife went to a restaurant called ‘Ploof’ in Lodhi Colony and had dinner. After dinner, we drove around like a bunch of fuckfaces, and ended up celebrating New Years on Aurobindo Marg, midway between Jor Bagh and Green Park. Now just like there is a Barista ‘Creme’ in South Ex, an upmarket Barista, there is the Cafe Coffee Day Lounge in Green Park….all the waitresses there (and I mean ALL of them) wear the shortest skirts I’ve ever seen and all have bleached hair and all are tall and model-like. So after celebrating New year’s on the middle of the road we went to the CCD Lounge and had a coffee there.

Twas the strangest New Year’s ever. This year I hope it will be better spent.. let’s see how it goes..

The Sepia Mutiny Spat…

Anna wrote this

So I wrote this in the comments section:
2 · TTG on December 29, 2005 06:12 AM · Direct link

Blah blah blah blah. At the end of the day we’re all Americans, whether we’re Canadian or mexican. What’s an arbitrary line drawn across a map? At the end of the day we’re all white, whether we’re French or German, Allied or Nazi, what’s a little skin colour there….oh…wait…this is Sepia Mutiny….but I assume the Sepia refers to a time period, ya know like sepia-tinted photos. Why stop at the Sepia colour. We are all great apes at the end fo the day. I recommend you really get politically correct, and rename this site: Additonal-Melanin-Coloured-Primates-From-A-Part-Of-Pangea-Mutiny. Why do you stop at Sepia. How dare you not include people from the rest of Asia. From the rest of Eurasia. From the rest of the universe. Why is your arbitrary separation more sensible than mine? Especially considering Pakistan & Bangladesh are only 50-something years old. India is far older.

As really difficult as this seems to be to comprehend – the Idea of India is a very very old idea, far older than you my dear. And it is not the prejudiced, exclude-the-muslims-and-pakis-type idea that some random commenters seem to believe. It actually does stand for something. It is a place of refuge, for parsis, for tibetans, for buddhists, for nepalese. It is a place where Hindus and Muslims, despite everything actually do live together. It’s a place which spawned at least 17 different reformist movements. Stop f-ing diluting my country’s name with a bunch of jihadis. And you’re right, Pakistani food IS very similar to Indian food….that is because it bloody well is Indian food, for [bad-word-for-fornication]’s sake.

http://25worldcountry.blogspot.com/2005/09/south-asian-my-ass.html

So she got pissed off and wrote this:

7 · A N N A the Orthodox on December 29, 2005 08:30 AM · Direct link

Stop f-ing diluting my country’s name with a bunch of jihadis.

Yeah? I could ask you to stop f-ing with my identity, my processes of self-definition, my memories of my late father on this day when I lost him, just a few years ago. Where does that get us? I’m not trying to fucking dilute a damned thing, got that? And if that paki food which jihadis eat is so familiar to you b/c it’s INDIAN then guess what, those jihadis are Indian and part of your ancient concept, too. If you want to claim it, claim all of it. Where does this get us? Did you even READ the second part of my post? We are coming from wayyy different places, that’s why we’re never going to agree, that’s why the nastiness towards us is pointless.

Anna’s post and TTG’s response, illustrates that there *is* a difference between Indian-Americans and Indians. A failure to recognize this is usually the precursor to a full-fledged flame war. Differences between Indians and Pakistanis may not mean much in the American context as evidenced by the fact that many second-generation and even first-generation immigrant desis are happy to identify themselves as “South Asian.”

Sigh. I was honestly hoping that I was clear and not offensive, I don’t want to be flambed, not today of all days. Did you read the second part of my post? If someone as nice as you didn’t understand what I wrote, bleary-eyed in the middle of the night/morning, then I’m fretful. This is what I was trying to say: I totally grok the huge difference between “them and us”, that’s why I talked about not being able to understand the other’s backstory, after not living anything close to it.

If second-generation desis feel irritated by the failure of many recent arrivals to recognize the “American” component of their identity [I am not suggesting that Indian-Americans are schizophrenic in that they have two distinct parts to their selves:-)], then they should recognize that attempts to emphasize the “unity” of all South Asian identities can irriate many Indians/Pakistanis/whatever.

Thank you so much for being so diplomatic and kind with your words, I really appreciate that. I do recognize that our stance can irritate “them”. Do they realise the same? Are they tolerant enough to agree to disagree? Or is this too addictive and easy a meme to give up, since the rants which include possessive statements about anatomy are too fun to write? What kills me is this– do they think that we love India any less? That we aren’t as proud, that we don’t cherish her history and beauty as much as they do? Love isn’t a finite resource. I can love India AND still have some pink, heart-shaped stuff to spare.

So then 70 comments later, I figured I needed to give a response, so I wrote this:

Cool.

a) My post was not ill-tempered, it was littered with exactly 2 cusswords. Maybe I suffer from Tourette’s syndrome, comprendo?

b)

Yeah? I could ask you to stop f-ing with my identity, my processes of self-definition, my memories of my late father on this day when I lost him, just a few years ago.

Ok….this….is just sad. I made no reference to your father, his thoughts, or anything related personally to him. I addressed a very general problem, and as my blog post itself indicates, this is not a new debate (that post was written months ago). You brought up the topic of South Asian-ism, not me. You didn’t expect to flamed about this? Seriously? Why mention it at all of this was a post more about your father?

c)

What kills me is this– do they think that we love India any less? That we aren’t as proud, that we don’t cherish her history and beauty as much as they do?

Your ‘loyalty’ to India is never being questioned, nor even examined. You’re a 2nd-gen. In my eyes, you hold an American passport, and to me, that makes you American. I would expect you get angry when somebody spit on an American flag, or abused America. I would not expect you to go give your life for India, or to defend it, or to ‘love it’. If you do, great. If you don’t, great. The point is this, can you let the people who live, work, die and pay the taxes in India speak for where they feel they belong? Maybe you are referring to a common identity in the US, if so, I respectfully, kindly, and non-ill-temperedly ask you to refer to it as an American-South-Asian identity. When you guys in America dilute the Indian identity, it HURTS us. Hurts us professionally, socially and in more ways that you can fathom. There is no reason. None. Not a single reason, why ANYONE from India should be fingerprinted while entering the US of A, or doubly scrutinized while applying for a visa. I am asking you as an Indian – has my country done any harm to yours? Has my country vehemently opposed America and asked for all Americans to be killed? Why am I being bracketed with the rest of the people who are? Is it because Americans refuse to see a difference, or because people who have Indian origins refuse to acknowledge a difference? And I am going to say it again, to the person who says that the concepts of India and Pakistan are a COLONIAL hangover. Buddy, you need to go speak to Ashoka and Akbar. They might give you a concept of India, which predates White People Conquest, ok?

And if that paki food which jihadis eat is so familiar to you b/c it’s INDIAN then guess what, those jihadis are Indian and part of your ancient concept, too.

Show me an Indian suicide bomber/terrorist/jihadi, and I’ll eat my words, whether they taste Pakistani, or Indian.

Let people who want to call themselves South-Asian continue to do so. There’s no point in trying to convince those who have already made up their mind. Instead, it’s better to concentrate on those Indian-americans who have not formed their identity yet. The ones who are still in school or college. The ones whose minds can be molded. They are the ones we are working on, and changing their mentality successfully so that they don’t want to associate with anything Pakistani or Bangladeshi (Sri Lanka is just fine).

MoorNam, this is a bizarre statement. Sri Lanka is not fine. In Sri Lanka, they specifically wanted to escape the nonsense that occured on the Mainland, and thus turned Buddhist to a great extent. They also wanted to be different. Plus…they aren’t Indian. They’re Sri Lankan. I am not stating their need to separate themselves as either a negative or a positive, but as a fact.

We are coming from wayyy different places, that’s why we’re never going to agree

But then why stir this hornet’s nest at all – and just let. it. go. You brought it up. Not me.

Anna, my calling myself Indian does not cause the amount of hate directed against Muslims/Pakistanis/Bangladeshis/Anybody else to spread. I am not exhorting people to go out and kill the non-Hindus, or all the Pakistanis/Bangladeshis. While some of the commenters who want to specify themselves as Indians DO want that, I don’t and have never said that.

I am simply asking the world to recognise, that Indian does not = Pakistani. What is so wrong about this? I am not saying we can’t live in the same world or the same dorm room. Let’s just recognise there is a difference, and take it from there.

No difference between a Pakistani-American and an Indian-American? Great. I wish all you American-South-Asians and your fingerprinting and your samosafests well.

And just tell me this – if it’s ok to call all of us South Asian, is it then ok to call Muslims the same, and ignore their national boundaries? Shouldn’t we then scrutinize all Muslims everywhere as possibly being Jihadis?

After all Muslims also share a common culture right? Regardless of national boundaries?

Please, let’s recognise the differences. An Indian Christian ain’t the same as an Eastern Orthodox one, and so on and so forth.

I don’t believe recognising a person’s differences means you can’t “Share The Love” with them. It just makes your world more colourful, and diverse.

Further, while my initial post is not the most respectfully worded, what I do object to is the tone of condescension in the Sepia posts that seem to so totally just dismiss the FOBs back here.

They didn’t know what it was like to be the only Indian, hell, the only Asian, fcuk it, the only non-white kid in school. They didn’t have classmates circle them and make “oooh-wah-wah-wah�? noises by quickly touching their lips with their fingers, over and over again, in some horribly insulting mimicry of a misnamed kind of Indian. They didn’t walk a mile in my moccasins. So they don’t know where I’m coming from, just like I can’t even commence imagining what it’s like to walk a few kilometers in their chappals. I just think if you give me what’s on my Christmas list, this blog (ahem, and this world) would be an even awesomer place.

Do YOU know what it’s like when 5 bombs go off in your city, and maybe you have lost your loved ones? Do you know what it’s like when the car park of a shopping mall might just turn into a blood bath on any given day? That something as simple as watching a movie might be the last thing you ever do? Do you know what it’s like to live in the fear that anyday, people might just barge into your college and start killing Science Professors?

And then to have your so-called “betters” sitting halfway across the world decide to pronounce judgement on your values.

South-Asian-Americans, please keep to yourselves, mind your own business, and let the Indians take care of India.

Last time I checked, the most popular investment destinations were India and China, not South Asia and China. Should we donate some of that money to our South Asian brethren in the spirit of brotherly love, like-mindedness and Brown Skin? Would that make the world a better place do you think?

I’m going to repeat it again – the Idea of India is far, far older than that of South Asia. South Asia was imposed upon us by a bunch of morons, and now you are taking it further.

* * *

I have been banned by the Great Sepia Mutiny Overlords, in their infinite wisdom of assuming that my comments are abusive. NOTE: This is may be due to some other weird reason

You are not allowed to post comments. Please refer to the comments policy in the Add comment section in every post.

So while I wait for my non-static AirTel DSL IP to change, the post stays here…

Update
(see Comments…)

Wow, I never thought you guys would actually care!

Isa Da Heppy-Burday

(Punjabi for Merry Christmas)

I am on strike. I simply refuse to rant. It must be the festive season. Actually, maybe it’s because I’m just generally Happy, with a capital H these days. I regret to inform you that I’ve mellowed out…well let’s see how long it [bad-word-for-fornication]-ing lasts.

Observations:

The fastest a Hyundai Santro Xing (not the eRLX model) can do on the NOIDA toll road is 140 Km/H before the Engine says Uncle (and Aunty too).

The fastest a Honda City (new model, but not VTEC) can do on the NOIDA toll road is 180 Km/H but then I ran out of Toll Road. Boohoo.

It’s cold.

Patrix, your 2 posts on your return to India sucked. But not for the reasons that Vulturo is afraid of. Oh if I were just a little unhappier, this post would be a rant

A blogger who shall remain nameless(not Dilip D’Souza) actually dared to reject a comment I had left on his blog one day. And it was the most innocuous comment too. It said: “Hey Samit, nice meeting you at eM’s Party. BTW, since I’m referring to you on my blog, just thought I’d let you know”. Just publishing it here so that the truth is not lost to anus of blog history. Or something.

Saket’s new name is 12DrinksAhead. Further, the !$#@#!$@#! dared to call my blog a ‘CatBlog’, when he was only OneDrinkAhead. I swear by the blood of a squished malaria-bearing mosquito, I will have my vengeance, and then some.

Aanchal, nice Christmas/Birthday party.

Last of all, The Trump Card – This is what I bring out when I’m on my last ditch attempt at getting a woman to date me:

Me, aged 2.5 years old. Photo pasted in passport which got me to Hong Kong.

“See..now if you go out with me, we might fall in love and get married, and then YOU could have a baby as adorable as that picture”.

Little TTGs running around all over the place. Oh what a fantasy!!!!!

ignore read more (after you’re done pulling my cheeks…ahem, the UPPER ones!)

Oh and a question to the rare people who actually visit my blog:

“King Kong” or “Chicken Little”? Which would you see and why. Discuss.

More random stuff

Of Horse Woman, and other trivial matters (I ripped off somebody’s blog name! The shame of it all I tell you!)Ok, so first off, I’ve been terribly sick with a cold for the past 3 days. Why? Because I haven’t bought new winter clothing since 2000. The connection? Well I only have two sweaters, and two sweatshirts. The sweaters make me look like a grandpa (they’re my dad’s), the sweatshirts make me look gay. So whenever I go out, I wear a shirt, with a T-shirt underneath and my gangster jacket (If I’m unshaven, I think it makes me look like a goonda). Thing is, that isn’t enough for Delhi weather these days, so I got an awful cold, and have been totally out of it.

Related to that point, is cold medicine. Cold medicine makes one drowsy. Along with the sleep come some of the most bizarre and intense dreams. Having taken the first dose of medicine after a trip to Turquoise Cottage, I dreamt about TC the whole goddam night. The only thing missing in that dream was a wild orgy. But that could be because I don’t remember all of it…. The next day I was re-reading Atlas Shrugged and The Fountainhead just because I can, and the dreams were full of people talking in those solemn mind-reading tones you find in those books.

I’m going blind.
NO, not because of masturbation, you freaks! Because my monitor is on the blink.
Here, take a look:

The image is squished. Can anybody tell me if 17″ monitors are available for around Rs. 4000 anywhere in South/Central Delhi? The sardarji we buy our computer stuff from tells me that a shitty 15″ comes for 4600, and I think he’s ripping me off. Looks like I’ll have to get my butt to Nehru Place soon…

The Return of HorseWoman.
Who is horsewoman? HorseWoman is a woman I met 2 years ago. She’s my mother’s cousin’s girlfriend’s daughter. I’m completely serious. Anyway, I met her, and I thought she was hot, but I was very much into my ex-girlfriend-who-wasn’t. Since there wasn’t much happening with my girlfriend-who-wasn’t, we decided to take a break. During that break, I called up horsewoman, and met up for coffee, because I wanted to show my girlfriend-who-wasn’t that she shouldn’t be taking me for granted. Biatch. Now horsewoman is very hot (tall and fit), but there are a few issues…if you haven’t guessed it yet…she’s obsessed with one thing, and one thing alone…Do I really need to mention what it is she’s obsessed with? And I mean obsessed. Her phone’s wallpaper has horses, the sms tone is a horse neigh, there are posters up in her room, and of course, she is an expert rider….ahem… the er… fact that she’s good at riding studs….is the part that appealed to TTG. (Plus the fact that horse-riding breaks hymens…so…..). Look, this is a male blog. This is how this male thinks. Get over it. Anyway, so we’re out for coffee, and we run out of things to talk about really quickly. Now TTG knows something about everything, so he usually mentions a buzzword here and there, and that gets the conversation flowing….but when it comes to horses…I had to give up. After asking idiot questions like “What kind of horses are native to India – did they originate in Arabia” and other such stuff, I had to quit. I almost reached a point of desperation and was about to ask her loudly in the middle of Barista: “CAN WE GO MAKE OUT NOW? We’ve talked for 30 minutes, that should at least equal a tentative first kiss?”. But I restrained myself. Anyway, to cut a long story short, me and horsewoman met once again, we went out to Steel with her friends, but Horsewoman is a decent woman who doesn’t drink, and she didn’t dance much, and she didn’t seem to want to make out either…so after Steel, I drive her back to her place…and instead of opening the door and getting out of the car…she’s sitting there waiting….awkward moment, because I’ve already decided that (yech)I’m still in love with my girlfriend-who-wasn’t and can’t really get myself to make any moves…so she’s waiting…and I had to just like say “OK, well BYE…” and then she opened the door and left. HorseWoman, I just want you to know it wasn’t your fault.

I think HorseWoman suspected I was psycho, because after that night, we never went out again, but she did call me over to her place a year later to do some psych tests for her project (her undergrad major was psych)…This must have been some form of revenge…(trust me, it wasn’t an attempt to seduce me).

Anyway, after that she disappeared, and we didn’t speak to each other again, until I figured I’d re-establish contact with her this September, in an attempt to get over my ex-girlfriend who wasn’t. So we finally go out for coffee today (after 3 months of phone-tag. She’s busy in IAS coaching classes, and playing games, clearly!)
She’s as hot as ever, and she no longer just talks about horses. She’s looking at a few potential men right now to get into a serious relationship with. I tried to convince her that you’re only young once, and flings are the way to go…but she didn’t seem to buy it. Sigh. And now I’m on my way to Melbourne.

Update:
I’ve just realized…that to this day, I have never asked HorseWoman what her last name is…or even when her birthday was/is….Just goes to show where my priorities lie…

Which brings me to my last point. I got my visa today. Yay. AUSTRALIA, HERE I COME!

FUQ-Us

The Meaning of Life (FUQ-Us)

Is 42, but I’d rather 69…ooh did I just say that out loud?

Ok so this is not a post about the meaning of life.

So, TTG, what is this post about then?

Well, lately many people have unasked me lots of questions, so I thought that I’d make up a list of Frequently Unasked QUestions…or FUQ-Us

You lame-ass bastard. Couldn’t you find a better joke to make?

No, Mysterious, Abusive Alter-Ego, I could not.

So get on with it then.

You’re in bold, so… you ask the questions…

Ok, Question 1: What the FuQ-U does your blog title mean anyhoo?

My blog title – Voice From A 2.5-World Country – is a shockingly clever attempt at highlighting the fact that India is no longer a 3rd-World country, but a 2.5-World Country. For some reason this title is too clever (or causes too much disbelief amongst the unwashed masses, ‘typists’ and “don’t-label-me-free-market-hater”s).

I started this blog in 2003, when “The India Story” was just beginning, and there was a lot of negative publicity about India, and severe lack of awareness in the country of my Alma Mater (Sam Uncle). Before setting up this blog, I used to have this circle of friends whom I used to e-mail – I would send them pictures of India which they would not find in the MSM. Pictures of the NOIDA toll bridge, a few malls, GK-1 M Block Market, The whole New Delhi Area (Raj Path, Rashtrapati Bhavan, e.t.c), and of course, pictures of me, complete with the rants. Unfortunately, some of the people I e-mailed were American, and they took offense at some of the things I said, and decided to Reply All to my e-mails, giving me a sound cursing (which was visible to my friends too). So I abandoned the e-mail idea… then when I read about this thingy called Blogging one day, I went to Blogger and set up an account (2003). But I realized I had nothing to say, because I was too busy dealing with a woman who I thought was my girlfriend-but-wasn’t. So the account lay idle for a year, and lack of sex (ok actually, it was the fact that Google was giving gmail accounts to active bloggers..) basically frustrated me enough to start writing in May 2004.

Anyway.. so this blog was meant to give you a “different” take on living in India.

“You take the average of 1st-World and 4th-World” blah blah

I didn’t ask for a whole treatise. Question 2: Are you gay? (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

No. Are you?

No. Question 3: What the F is up with your Alias, and that funny little logo thing?

In my dark past there are a lot of incidents. Some of them I have revealed over jugs of Alcohol, and others I have not. There was a particularly nasty incident involving me in my high-school days, which I will not recount (but will mention that it has something to do with the girls’ bathrooms), that left me with an Ironic Nickname. That nickname was Tarun (The Great). TTG. One day, when me and my friends were not busy making the art teacher cry by drawing boobies instead of pears (and getting -20 on blank pieces of paper), I was just doodling around, and came up with a way of putting TTG together. It was true art, I tell you! So that’s where the logo comes from. I’m sorry if you were expecting a better story. I don’t live to impress YOU, comprendo?

Uh-huh. Question 4: Why do you rant so much?

Why not? We all blog because there’s something lacking in our lives (or so I believe). It could be a Mercedes we’re missing, it could be a boyfriend/girlfriend, or, in my specific case, it could be a lack of people with ears which are strong enough to withstand my ranting, cursing, loud voice.

What do you have against Dilip D’Souza, Deesha.org and the other blogs on your former “Blogs I Dislike/Disagree With” list?

Nothing personal. I started out by blogging less, and commenting more. Commenting and flaming was fun, but it started losing its charm when people started remembering my name. It really lost its charm when they started ignoring my comments. So sulking, I I started posting more often (big mistake!).

Question 5: Why are you so obsessed with Anoushka Shankar?

a) I have nothing better to do
b) She is a ‘Famous Person’ and I was actually only one degree of separation from her
c) Actually, I am in love with Norah Jones (because of her voice, SEXY, DUH), and I figure I could use Anoushka to get to Norah…eventually…

Who is terah475?
I don’t know, but anybody who can write that many poems in my comments section needs to be mentioned.
What kind of a last name is “Pall” anyway? Why the double L?

Sigh. Long story. Pall is actually Pal. But ancient, inherited school-leaving certificates determine your name. So it’s Pall. Further, Pal is actually just the middle name of my long-gone Paternal Grandpa. I won’t reveal my last name, because that would reveal my caste. HA! And no, I am not even remotely Bengali.

Who is John Galt?
Find out for yourself…
Okay now lemme cheat and ask you an FAQ, instead of a FUQ-U. Is there something up with you and eM?

There is absolutely nothing up between me and eM. A really,really,really long post has been written on this…and it’s languishing as a draft, while I await my visa. Once I’ve skipped town, the whole story will out (don’t get so excited, it’s not half as interesting as you think).

I Don’t Want A Simpler Life, Thanks

These rants, they just keep coming and coming…

Spoke to a Cynical Lawyer Neighbour the other day. He is considered some sort of local expert on e-commerce here in Delhi, and he had to give a speech on it some time this week. When he found out that I’d worked at Amazon, he figured who better to get the scoop on what e-commerce was all about. So we talked for a bit (B2C, B2B, ICU ILU, ILU, er.. wait.. sorry, wrong acronyms)and ’twas actually an interesting discussion…and at the end of it all, he says: “I see us heading towards a more complex world, one in which the Haves will just sit on their fat asses, while the Have-nots will carry on toiling as they always have. Now you can order every bloody thing off the Internet..blah blah bark bark bark woof woof woof moo moo snort snort snort”

(So much for respectably presenting an opposing point of view).

There is another bunch of people which long for simpler days (I assume many of them have grey hair, but when one ASSUMES, one makes an ASS out of U and ME, haardeehaarhaar). They long for the days when we weren’t surgically attached to our cellphones, when a rotten wooden stick would be enough to spark a child’s imagination, and s/he didn’t need ‘BeyBlades’ or Pokemon Cards (don’t even get ‘em started on First-Person Shooter games on the PC..RamRam)….

Ok, now I know this will cause a few guffaws…but unfortunately, you see, XBoxes and Playstations, Cellphones and Digital diaries…these things are the product of this thing called Intellect. And you see, the thing about Intellect is that it doesn’t remain stagnant.

The FACT that just looking at a rotten piece of wood sparks a Child’s imagination is what prompted that kid to grow up and design an XBox.

I read somewhere about somebody lamenting the fact that the world has changed and that with the advent of the cellphone, we have all lost our private lives and people have become rude…..no.

The guy who was rudely talking to somebody on the cellphone is the same guy who would have been making flatulence symphonies before the advent of cellphones. He would have been the guy who sat at the back of the Globe Theatre and laughed at the people who were crying when Romeo bhaiya died, while munching on almonds or something (whoops, that was me).

He is the same guy who cut in front of Mugga and Wugga when they were in line to slice up their piece of Wooly Mammoth and Sabre-Toothed Tiger.

Technology doesn’t make us more annoying, we always were annoying! (Note to Self: PLEASE LAY OFF ALCOHOL. It has seriously [bad-word-for-fornicate]ing loosened my tongue, and caused me to reveal things I would normally stuff into the recesses of my mind. Well there go my chances of running for Supreme Military Dictator of India)..

So just like I cannot survive for 15 minutes without my cellphone, Mugga & Wugga were probably regretting leaving their spiked wooden clubs at home that day….

This is called the Relentless March of Technology. It’s usually advisable to do as Humans have done over the milennia and ADAPT to these changes(or perish). Yes, a cellphone is annoying in a movie theatre (and apparently has caused some trouble for steamy after-school oral pleasure-seekers as well…) but for some people it might be the difference between life & death.

Name-Calling

I’m bored. This is a pointless post. You’ve been warned.

To all the people who took the courtesy to respond to my previous post – I’m tired of arguing – if you want to construe that as not having anything to argue back with, so be it. I have more pressing concerns “write” now, than the all out Libertarian Cartel-”I’m a Typist/I Support Free-Markets-But”-ist Cartel War raging away in the blogosphere.

Page 3 of Blogging

I have been called many things by many people lately.
The Times of India, that esteemed and venerable old publication called me an Elite Blogger (and if the TOI said it, it must be true. I just wish they’d put me in their “December Babes” section).

The GreatBong called me The Recurring 2.49999999

Vulturo has given me the Best Ranter of the Year award.

A woman going by the alias of Small has christened me Curfew Boy (and she thinks I have big cheeks). Bugger.

Jayesh (of booletpoints) called me the Page 3 of Blogging, and a New-Generation Indian…

A blogger who shall remain nameless (not Dilip D’Souza, this time) has said that I am a “crapblogger”, who has trouble forming cogent arguments, and who swears too much…

I would just like to address the last name-calling by saying that… YES – I AM A crapblogger Art and Stuff
Went to the DLF GOlf Club on Saturday for a little ‘Wealth Management’ party. (Not my wealth, my dad’s….)
An Australian-Indian woman, going by the name of Manasi Scott tried to entertain all the old fogies there. She tried to get them to sing along with her when she started singing ‘Kaisi Paheli Zindagani’ from Parinita…you know like walking off stage and going to tables and stuff…then she switched to Walking In Memphis…surreal… Anyway, while I was there, they had this little art exhibition, where the best of the best had put their stuff up. Now when it comes to art, I know exactly 2 things:

1) That MF Husain wanders around barefoot
2) That Paresh Maity proposed to my sister a long time ago when she used to work for Art Today (she refused).

So I saw this painting by a woman called Sabia called “Chess”, which had a woman kneeling on a chess board (the picture will come up soon. It’s cumbersome to transfer stuff off my mobile phone…). Somehow I want to get a copy of that pic and put it up on my wall. I’ve lost my mind, I tell you.

Mini Blog Meet
Anyway, I had nothing to do this weekend (which should be clear by now) so when Saket called me, I raced off to NOIDA to share a pitcher of beer with him at Geoffrey’s… Talked about this and that, and then we were joined by Aanchal and a guy called Gaurav, who is a close friend of Aanchal’s… so you could say that the Elite Blogger’s Cartel had a meeting, but we were missing River. Anyway, we just talked about this and that, and I had to strenuously deny a few rumours and things.

Happiness (and Freedom) as it turns out, is driving/tearing down the NOIDA toll bridge at 120 Km/H (75 Mph) singing “Don’t Lie” by the Black Eyed Peas and “Yellow” by ColdPlay at the top of your voice – so loudly your voice breaks and you end up with a sore throat… ahem.

After that, I went and had dinner with Nishel (the woman in the picture I put up 2 weeks ago) and Colombian woman A and American-Indian woman S, all of whom have been mentioned on this blog before. Beware folks – when 3 sexually-liberated women get together for a conversation, make sure you’re not eating anything that looks even remotely like a phallus….you will be sure to lose your appetite..

Another type of Paralysis

Snogalysis: n. The inability to engage in a conversation with a person because the only thought going thru your head is: “Growl! I wanna make out with you!”

Was there a point to this post? No.

Oh yea…also..

How to discretely compliment a woman, and end up looking like an ass:

See the comments to this post.

LOL!

Update – More Page 3 of Blogging (and, coincidentally, art)

Went to an art-exhibit today. Who’s art? It was Anoushka Shankar’s ex/not-ex boyfriend’s(N) younger sister’s art exhibit.

So we’re viewing the art (me and Tango), along with N…and then Anoushka herself shows up.

…

I’m crushed. She’s so not attractive in person. Argh. She could literally pass fer any other woman on the street. They do some sort of make up or something in most of her news photos. Argh. Fallen idol and all that.

Anyway, so she comes up to us, and she’s met Tango before, but I’m new, so I shake her hand and say “I’m Tarun, and I know who YOU are..”. Awkward smile and laugh (probably thinking “Okkkkk weirdoooooo”), she mutter’s “Hey” back, and then she wander’s off to talk to N’s parents.

The End.

Free Your Mind (and the Markets Follow)

“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”

This voice has been occupied with personal-life-related stuff recently, and thus hasn’t had time to address issues which are his pet peeves. In a post written in the aftermath of the much publicised Operation Duryodhana (Which was great work!, IMO), Shivam Vij (Mall Road) highlighted some of his political convictions, and slipped in what looked like a guerrila attack on free markets…

sigh. I didn’t want to write about this, because these arguments need to be tackled in a civilized manner, and not in a TTG Rant….to counter posts by a reputed blogger, who shall remain nameless (Dilip D’Souza). He has decided that there are two types of people – NHBs (Normal Human Beings) and FMS(Free Market Supporter) Jihadis.

Well, as Fido Dido, one of the murtis of the Free Market said: “Normal is Boring”.

Here’s my attempt at actually tackling all arguments with sanity (er.. I failed MISERABLY, BTW).

First off, I am not a member of the Libertarian Cartel, I’m a Voice From A 2.5-World Country. But every once in a while, our views converge. I cannot speak for what kind of India the Libertarians envision, but I can tell you what kind of India I envision. this might get across what I mean by what a “Free Market” is. I never realized this was a definition in dispute.

First of all, if we are discussing which country/area comes closest to a Free Market – it is NOT America. It is Hong Kong. Everything in Hong Kong is run by PRIVATE INDIVIDUALS. EVEN MONEY is legally printed, by three banks, managed by an AUTHORITY called the Hong Kong Monetary Authority. This means that there are three different types of currency notes being printed in Hong Kong. One set is by HSBC(formerly the HongKong and Shanghai Banking Corporation, the other set is by Standard Chartered Bank, and the third is by the Bank of China. The Bus Service is run by 3 private companies, the underground train system is run by one private company(the MTRC), the electricity is supplied by two private companies (China Light & Power, and HK Electric), the cooking gas is provided by one private company (TownGas), the telephone network was initially provided by one private company (PCCW – formerly HongKong Telecom)

Somehow, I don’t see Hong Kong deteriorating into anarchy.

Then next…let’s take America…America’s train network was built by private individuals…and is still now mostly private – AmTrak. Amtrak sucks. But would somebody please compare it with Indian Railways?

The bus services are run by GreyHound. Would somebody like to make another comparison?

The highways in USA, were originally private-built. The ‘Turnpike’ is a road you have to pay a toll to use….

I envision an India, where the government is not in charge of running any business whatsoever. There are no government-run airlines, no government-run hotels, no government-run railroad, no government-run bus services, no government-run water-distribution/electricity distribution services, no government-run telecommunication services, no government-run education boards, no censor board, no Board of fucking-Control for Cricket in India (What the FUCK kind of name is that, anyway?), no government-run Oil Companies, no government-run Bread Companies, Coal companies, or any other f-ing companies, no government-run liquor distribution vends, no government-run “Super Bazaars”, no government-run Ration shops.

I envision a lot more stuff too, but we’ll take this as a vision for starters. Once the government gets out of the business of producing stuff, it can actually get INTO THE BUSINESS OF ENFORCING LAWS TO MAKE SURE PRIVATE PLAYERS STAY IN LINE.

It is NOBODY’s case, that businessmen, and the corporate world, do things for “the good of the people”, or to be moral, or righteous. They are after one thing, and one thing alone. It is called…not MONEY…but PROFIT.

Making money is easy. Declare yourself the voice of God, ask for donations, and say you work in Mysterious Ways when questioned about your lack of Miracle-Performing abilities. You’ll have money.

But that’s not what businessmen, are after. It’s PROFIT. This is not the same thing.
And it is the GOVERMENT’S JOB to ensure that the businessmen do not step out of bounds in their relentless pursuit of profit. The government’s role is to function as an UMPIRE, not as an f-ing batsman. Let the businessmen play their games, but once they step out of bounds, the other side appeals, and then somebody gets out.

So….let the private players run an airline. But then ensure that they give cheap fares to remote areas. Let them make profit on the rest of the routes.

Let the private players supply petrol to the Country. Let them allot petrol pumps on the basis of who seems the savviest at making a profit. But then make sure that the person who does so, is not adulterating the petrol in his pursuit of profit.

In order for businesses to make money. They have to cut costs. Be nimble. Act quickly. The ones that don’t automatically perish. Their employees leave them. They start defaulting on loans, they get a bad reputation due to shitty customer service.
And when THAT happens, ensure you have a strong legal system which ensures the CONSUMER GETS HIS DUE

Ari Ari Ari (Adipa!)

My Theme Song

Ok, so the last few posts have been absolute crud, and this is because, I am actually suffering from Blogalysis/Rantalysis

Blogalysis: n. An inability to blog brought on by having too many topics to blog about, and not knowing which should be brought to the fore.

Rantalysis: n. An inability to rant brought on by feelings of immense anger/hatred/frustration felt on reading a Socialist/Communist/”I’m in support of Free Markets but…”-ist

Anyway, so since I’m suffering from these -alyses, I decided to pick another frivolous topic.

If your blog had a theme song, what would it be?

Now, while a lot of people will give profound and spiritual answers (some song by Dylan, or The Doors, or Hendrix, or U2), you have to understand, that I’m Punjabi. So instead, I’ve decided that the honour for the TTG Blog Theme goes to…:

Baraa Barsi – Bombay Rockers

Basically, if I were a little more shameless, I’d have that song playing in the background everytime you visted this blog, but I have some standards, however sparse, so I’ll just ask you to pretend it’s playing everytime you visit my blog.

Baraa barsi is some Punju folk that the dholwalas always sing in Punju weddings. They make up verses, each dedicated to family members, (so when they sing the verse with the word ‘Mama’ in it, the Maternal Uncle bounces out of the circle into the middle and does the Indian Wedding Uncle Dance (usually with some Scotch in his hand, OF COURSE).

ooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkk…..that being said, The Bombay Rockers have of course, remixed it in their Punjabo-Danish fashion, and I hereby declare it the Theme to Voice From A 2.5-World Country.

Now if I was a famous blogger, I’d have started a new Blog meme, and tagged 4/5 people. But you see, I am an elite blogger, and therefore, have no such pretensions :-p. But if you DO get inspired by this post, remember to link back, complete with bend-over-backwards-praise.

BTW, Yes, I am fully aware about Operation Duryodhan (Gratuitous Link), and I have nothing to say, because all has been said about that. And of course, there was the whole goddam after-party post

I even wrote a whole rant about it…but there were so many cusswords in it, that I got a notice from Blogger saying I needed to pike down (ok, not really).

The Yumnam Effect

A “Page 3 of Blogging” style post…

Went to a party last night. Met Samit Basu there. The conversation went as follows:

Me: Hi
Samit: Hi.
Me: You’re Samit? Samit who?
Samit: Samit Basu.
Me: Oh cool, Duck of Destiny right? Congrats on your Book Launch. By the way, I’m TTG
Samit: Ah yes of course, you’re the Elite Blogger!

Samit is a lot younger than he sounds on his blog. I was expecting a 36 year-old, and got a 26 year old instead.

Anoushka Shankar is back with her ex-boyfriend (the one she’s been with fer 10 years or so), the old half-breed Goat! Will these two lay off each other and give the rest of us a chance. “Tango” (friend and blog commentor) is gunning for the boyfriend, and well we all know about me. Tango was meant to sell me to Anoushka tonight…but she(Anoushka) was liplocked…

Hmmm what other gossip do I have….none at the moment…

My Name Ain’t Mud (Or Keechad either…)

A simple solution to an idiotic problem

How to oppose the change of name to Bengaluru…er… insist on calling it Bangalore…and correct your children, your children’s children and the dog’s bark too when they say Bengaluru.

When the fuggers and buggers of the world decided to rename Bombay to Mumbai, I decided to perform a little civil disobedience. I still call it Bombay, and will continue to do so till I go to my grave – which based on my recent driving skills seems to be much sooner than I had forecast

Call me an angrez, or that I was born with a topi on my head whatever. Middle-finger extended, I say Bombay.

The same goes for Connaught Place. It’s f-ing Connaught Place, not Rajiv Chowk. In fact, half of Delhi doesn’t even KNOW that CP was renamed Rajiv Chowk, because we will always know the place as CP.

And Bang-Galore. Why would you ever want to change the name of place with a name like that? Is Bang(C)Ko(c)k being changed to Bengukoku?

So c’mon folks, go back to your (eeeesh) Gandhian roots, and Quit Bengaluru.

Jai Bangalore!

Oh yes, and I just remembered….er….Indian Airlines….is being renamed….Indian Airlines!

YAY!

Yes, I KNOW it’s only being renamed to “Indian”. But envision the following conversation between two intellectually-challenged people (one of them being me :-p)

Me:So what airline are you flying by?

Anoushka Shankar(for want of a better name. She’s in Delhi, performing in Elevate as we speak.., and I’m this close to getting her number..): Indian.

Me: Indian Airlines?

Anoushka: No, just Indian.

Me: ….but that’s an airline..so Indian Airlines…right?

Anoushka: Shut up and kiss me you fool!

[CENSORED]

Social Ambiguities

nd other randomnessSex is like Cricket, you’re only as good as your last performance
Sex is like Cricket, the REAL deal is the 5-day game
Sex is like Cricket(for men), wood is a necessity, as are balls.
Sex is like Cricket, why settle for 4, when you can hit 6
Sex is like Cricket, without protection, you could be out for 9 months
Sex is like Cricket, you will be punished for blocking incoming balls with your leg
Sex is like Cricket, if you’re not in sync with your partner, one of you’ll get run out.
Sex is like Cricket, everyone wants to be (Wo)Man of the Match
Sex is like Cricket, you really ought to Pace your Innings (you might not get two!)

Ok, just thought all that stuff up on the spot (no, really!).

Additions by RTD2

Sex is like Cricket, practice makes perfect.
Sex is like Cricket (for straight men), you’d really like to bowl a maiden over.
Sex is like Cricket, sometimes a silly point can be dangerous.
Sex is like Cricket, it’s easy for me to get stumped in both.
Sex is like Cricket, it’s all (Indian) guys think about

***

So… you go out for dinner with people from the Business School you’ve just got into. They’re paying for it. Do you go against the crowd, and not order the set dnner? If everybody else is having White Wine, do you go for the Red? (if you’re me, you say Fuck It and do so…).

Anyway, today I meet my ex-Car Pool partner for dinner (her name is M, she’s been on this blog before). I figured I’d give her a nice treat and stuff, and we could sorta say goodbye properly. (Besides, she’s an attractive Bong women, and TTG likes having dinner with attractive women, Bong or otherwise )
So the thing is, she’s (happily) married. And we’ve not had any physical contact ever (duh). Is it appropriate to give her hug? A handshake? (More on handshakes later – I hearby declare shaking women’s hands to be illegal. You might as well just stamp a sign on my forehead saying “I AM NOT MAN ENOUGH TO BE GAY EVEN” rather than shake my hand…). Been wondering about this for a while – HEY I’ve had nothing better to do for the past month, OK!

In other news, what do you get as a birthday present for somebody you’ve met recently? It can’t be too cheap, because you don’t wanna look cheap (although maybe a birthday card would do). It can’t be too expensive, because a)You’re a miser, and the person doesn’t merit an expensive present yet :-p, b) it might freak said person out. But you wanna get on this person’s good side Problem is, what’s too cheap, and what’s too expensive? And this isn’t a close friend. Shopping for close friends, at least for me, is next to impossible! Argh! Well ‘cept this one time when I got my closest friend an answering machine – and that was a strong hint, because that pig never used to return my calls (this was in America, about 4 years ago – SMS hadn’t been invented there yet, I’m serious!, plus we were broke college students, so we couldn’t afford cellphones). I suppose tying a red ribbon round me in my birthday suit, and jumping out of the birthday cake and saying SURPRISE! is not a good idea? Yea, didn’t think so. Ah well.

Social ambiguties, I tell you. They’re annoying.

Still Rolling On The Floor….

Ha ha ha ho ho ho….

Aekta and eM had asked me to put up a post of ‘6 Reasons why I’m still single’ or something like that which listed my requirements. I wrote that post (was quite crappy), it’s still saved as a draft.

Then I managed to get access to secret documents, and was just going to post those up…but then decided against that.

Then about a week ago, I had come home very drunk, and written a post which was all wallowing in self-pity – it’s also still saved as draft.

But then I woke up in the morning today…. and read the TOI front page.

My question to you is this: How can you run a military dictatorship….and be called….

PALLOO

Go Palloo! Palloo, Supporter of terrrorism? No wonder Bush dismisses all of India’s claims….he’s probably sitting in the White House thinking… “Naw, not sweet ‘ol Palloo….”

end of post

The Honda City That Ran Over Self Help Books Part 2

Responses to peoples responses

DISCLAIMER: Whatever I write is straight out of the contents of my head. I don’t do any research, because that would require me to stop being lazy. ALSO – VERY VERY VERY LONG POST

Ok first off, some general statements.
The reason that the initial post prompted such a (typical) aggressive reaction from my part was because one of the main things that is holding this country back is fear and resistance to Change.

Sure, everybody is afraid of change, but we are especially afraid. Every new way of doing things in India is greeted with a “Sigh, I long for the old days” type post. A new flyover is built? There goes the scenery. A new shopping mall comes up? There go the days of Lala personally ordering a product for you from his Kirana shop.

Further, it was an attack on capitalism…which of course, is really going to get my Goat.

Ok I was going to say a lot more, but instead, I’m just going to respond to the comments:

Beg to differ, but Lakshmana wasn’t cured by a Mantra, rather by medicines. Ayurveda places the stress on the healing properties of food and herbs, not on incantations and mantras. Indeed, there is no prescribtion of mantras for diseases, instead pratical advices on diet and exercises. Where exactly did you get this idea of mantras solving diseases?

The point behind the statement of being cured by praying in Sanskrit was an attempt to refocus where I feel our priorities should lie. It was sarcasm, saying that it seems in the olden days of “Brahminical Restraint”, more emphasis was spent on chanting than medical science.

FURTHER, had you mentioned that the young people should learn Sanskrit because it helps them to decipher ancient texts on Ayurveda, which we could then combine with Medical knowledge, western or otherwise, my post would not have been half as vicious. But no. You said they learn French instead of Sanskrit for better Global prospects. What is so contemptible about that? These people are doing what they have to do survive. To spit on them is almost downright shameful.

They are being forced to conform to a global order that has been created not by their choice. You want to know why? Because their ancestors were busy learning Sanskrit to pray better instead of learning the arts of diplomacy and global warfare.

Instead of spending time getting to know thy enemy, we were busy stepping on our own people, finding new ways to keep ourselves chained, and weakened. The bottom line is this – we would not have been conquered by people, no matter how technologically superior if we had been a lot less idealistic, and a lot more practical. In an ideal world, the youth of today would know the Vedas like the back of their hand. But they don’t. Because they need to eat, make a living, prepare for the future. It is this which I object to. It is the same thing behind Socialism. In an ideal world, the babu who is going to give you permission to set up your shop should not be corrupt. But he is. The question that needs to be asked is why do you have to go to a babu to set up your little shop?

By learning French/English/”Western” Economics, we are preparing ourselves for dealing with the outside world, which we are very much a part of. Would learning Sanskrit help us in this regard – YES! But not so that we improve our rituals. It would help us in deciphering the ancient texts so that we could see what advice they give, sure. But the advice in those texts is meaningless if it does not help me in my Here and Now. Yes, the ancients envisioned all sorts of cool things, God as a form of Energy, Dhritastra was the first dude who got to listen to the Radio, flying machines, examples of what a lack-of-family-planning can do (Duryodhan, buddy, I don’t envy your family affairs. Just the sheer amount of weddings to attend must have got you nervous on the day of battle. Can you imagine having to have Mutter-Paneer at every one of those dos. I’ll stick to the Pasta Station myself. Sheesh).

But I ask you this – did you allow the youth of today to question those texts, like I’ve done above? Or did you stuff it down their throats and make it inaccessible to all? We are not allowed to question the ‘ecosystem’ that comes with believing in God. Why not? Who are you tell me what the ecosystem consists of. My ecosystem consists of me and God. And anybody who gets in the way of that will suffer the consequences.

I once had a vicious argument with a friend of mine – her family has their own personal guru. (I’m sorry R, this has to be said). To me, the fact you listen to a ‘guru’ is contemptible. I’m sorry, but I’d rather listen to the man who helps sweep the plastic bags and cow dung off the streets. Or the woman in charge of Delhi who said she wants to privatise liquor distribution because she fails to see why it should be the government’s job to sell “vice” to the people. These are my gurus – not to say they’re perfect, but they bloody well are better than some damn fool whom I have to pay have come live in my house and grace my presence.

I once visited a Hindu temple in Long Island, NY. They had their ‘Guru Ma’ in the temple. She was driven in, in her LINCOLN TOWNCAR (complete with leather seats, Brahminical Restraints were optional that day). She preached to everybody how they were more devoted than people back home in India (this is probably too. I came across more severe pockets of conservatism in America than in New Delhi). She then proceeded to auction off a good-luck ‘chaader’ (sheet, I don’t know the correct phonetic spelling) for US$10,000. My teeth are still suffering the consequences of the gnashing they suffered while I observed this happen. US$10,000 which could so easily have been spent in keeping the lights of New Delhi lit, and possibly giving some good luck to women who would not have been molested in the dark.

My question to you is this: Who decides what the aberrations are in Hinduism, and what is the truth?

Pareshaan -

If you note carefully, I do not dismiss all of our roots. But I am tired of being told to keep going back to them. And where does the either-or come in. Why can I not learn French AND Sanskrit. Why can I not see some BOOBIES in Hindi Movies and also read up on Ayurveda (and Kama Sutra )?

While I won’t argue about whether my outlook is Westernised or not (it probably is, based on my background) I want to say that whole-heartedly agree with the Shift in Attitude part. We need to be able to question – or dismiss – parts of our past, if we so choose. But we aren’t allowed to, by the self-styled guardians of our “culture”. (Kind of like self-styled Elite bloggers). Actually, would love for you post on this, and respond in the comments, there is a lot I’d like to say about what you’ve written….

Parth – again, I see nothing wrong with learning Sanskrit. What I object to is the mutual exclusion that seems to come into play.

And of course, the flippant references materialism. Aquiring a few tanks and guns is going to go a lot further than Brahminical restraint. So is aquiring a few computers and cars and mobile phones, and fibre-optic cables, and railroads. And microwave ovens. And condoms. I think the Brahmins forgot some their restraint there…

P.S. Jayesh, I’ve tried to keep my attack as impersonal as possible, and it should be taken as such, so apologies if it seems to be too personal.

P.P.S. When you were referring to the Page 3 of Blogging, were u referring to me? If so, I’m touched!

Update
Well we’ve got ourselves a whole discussion here. This is why I love blogging!

Pareshaan weighs in

And so does Vulturo

The Honda City That Ran Over Self Help Books

At last, TTG gets back to the usual.

Argh. Groan. Moan. Grumble. Growl post on ‘Aaj Kal de bacchey’*

The best part about Hinduism, is that Hindus don’t have to subscribe to dogmatists like you. Who made YOU the keeper of my religion?

They dont know why a shraadh should be performed every year, why a sacred thread should be worn, and have forgotten to pray with verses

I know why a shraadh should be performed every year, and I think it’s stupid. Guess what. That doesn’t make me any less of a Hindu. Go do some more research on what being a Hindu means. The same goes for praying with verses.

There is one section that believes in God but not in the ecosystem that comes with it , the pujaris and the pyres.

Yes, and again, this section is not any less Hindu. Believe it or not, there are many different forms of Hinduism, and yours is not the One True Faith. The reason I love my religion the most is because it doesn’t follow any One True Faith nonsense like many other religions. You reveal yourself to be a fundamentalist by these statements. There is no one keeper of Hinduism, no one Vicar of Hinduism on Earth. So don’t dictate to me what I should or should not be doing in my religion.

It is unfortunate that most youngsters learn a foreign language like French during school for better global prospects rather than Sanskrit. Knowledge of Sanskrit enables one to atleast understand the various mantras chanted during a ritual or the scriptures in the Vedas.

The answer lies there itself. Better. Global. Prospects. It’s very easy for you to lecture people on praying to God on a full stomach. Not all of them are so lucky. So you would deprive them their right to a better life just to keep preaching archaic ideals? And your reason for learning Sanskrit is even sadder. If all I can do with Sanskrit is to pray better, I’m not going to be learning Sanskrit anytime soon.

Its a strange vaccuum where the joys of materialism after years of Brahminical restraint and the vapidity of mainstream media have left us very little time or inclination to find and know our roots.

Brahminical….restraint…..riiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhhhhhttttttttt.

Ummm welcome back to the Real World buddy. Please don’t pass me whatever you’re smoking. Some trips I can do without…

A word about vacuous materialism. Is the computer your working donated by by some benefactor? No? Did you Pay for it? Do you own it? Did this machine, this culmination of years of vacuous materialism (and vacuum tubes) help you get your point across? It did, didn’t? So much for the benefits of Brahma-f-ing-inical restraint

*Aaj kal de bachchey is Hindi+Punjabi for “The Kid’s of Today”

Extra Extra!

Bloggers converge on Capital for blog meet

Dear Mr. Yumnam. Thanks. Without you, our meeting would not have been so successful. Vulturo also toasted to you.

So, this meet was much bigger, and I got to meet a lot of interesting people. I wanted to link to all of them myself, but instead, I shall point you to Three Drinks Ahead for a list of the attendees.

A much more accurate, and well-written report chez Vulturo’s

This bloggers’ meet had a Manipuri, and it had reporters, but no Manipuri Reporters.

Swar(nalata) was the first person to show up, and then Saket, and then Me. (Aanchal’s auto broke down, so we had to act as substitute hosts till she turned up).

So me and Saket grilled Swar a little bit, and found out she was a Bangalore blogger, taking a vacation here in Delhi, although she’s spent a lot of time here before. And she’s into theatre, which is ultra cool! This was the only new person I got to find out about in any detail

Then Nikhil showed up, got a call on his cellphone and disappeared. So we then had Gaurav and Ashish show up. Since these two were kind of new we started discussing general stuff – why do you blog, how do you blog e.t.c.

Then the Host showed up, and so did Nikhil and Jai Arjun Singh. I was somehow expecting him to be a lot taller . I wanted to have much longer conversations with Jai, but due to circumstances I didn’t get around to much of it.

That left Abhishek, Shefali, Aditi, Prathamesh, River, Prakriti

(All of whom I did not get a chance to talk to, but really wanted to get to know better. Dammit, 15 people in one blog meet really does become unmanageable).

We did manage to take a snap poll of who was communist, and who was capitalist. Everbody did a little introduction.
Jabberwock and Vulturo had a passionate argument about Egoism/Objectivism.
There was some Microsoft vs Open Source that was thrown around (Sorry, Firefox rules!)

but you see….. I had some other business to attend to…

eM

So Vulturo joked that there would be sparks flying tonight. Why?

Well this exchange should tell you why.

I was actually very curious to know what eM looks like in person, and as it turns out, so was she.

I expected her to be what I like to call the “Delhi” girl stereotype. I was expecting her to be dressed in black, with hair till her shoulders, and one of those very small black purses, and sort of half-expecting her to be Punjabi. (Yes eM, only half-expecting)

But she wasn’t any of those things (pleasant surprise).

Hmm…dare I get a little personal?

She had short hair. She was smaller and thinner than I imagined. And of course, very expressive eyes. Somehow the eyes stay with me.

She was expecting me to be shorter, thinner and bespectacled. (Can somebody say the word geek?). Blue Balls(Anti-Climax)
Alas, dear readers(if any), contractual obligations prevent me from mentioning what some may consider the most interesting part of the evening. At some point, it may be blogged about, but right now it has to be bottled up. This is by a mutual agreement, which could be broken at any time. The thing is, we both use our blogs to talk about stuff freely and frankly – but there seems to be an unwritten rule that at this point we won’t. But so many events last night were blogworthy. Ah well. Irony. Cannot blog about that which you wish to say the most about. This is the risk you run when you physically meet other bloggers, putting faces to their blogs.

I’ll just say this – I need to compile a list of 5 desert-island movies, music and books so that I have them ready when somebody asks me. Right now, I sound like an ass saying my interests are varied! (But they are!!!)

Oh and I need to take a few songs out my playlists……

Disclaimer: This post may be edited and updated as and when the author feels like

Delhi Blogger’s Meet – December

The position is filled, the show is on..

STICKY POST. UPDATES BELOW

The DBM for December is being organised for the coming Sunday. Your Host has the scoop on all of it.

We shift back to Central Delhi – good ‘ol CP, to a pub called DV8, where I have never been. So if you’re in Delhi, and fancy yourself a blogger, feel free to join. If ya don’t like Sharaab and Smoking places, feel free to suggest an alternative to the host before the big day.

A few things:
1)I will be wearing a ‘wire’, or a ‘bug’ so that the entire contents of the meeting will be recorded, and podcasted to see off possible print-media-induced spats.

2)I will be frisking EVERYONE at the entrance, to make sure you don’t have any media credentials.

3)In case you haven’t figured it out yet…I’m just kidding. Except for the frisking part :-p

On Language

Angrezi

No this post is not about the death of Indian languages.

So as I mentioned before, I’ve made an a new set of friends, consisting of (I’m being politically correct for the first time in my blog):

S – American woman of Indian Origin
M – an IRREGULAR American (an inside joke, let it go)
A – a COLOMBIAN woman, who’s spent a lot of time in America

Now the 4 of us went to Oriental Bloom for dinner, to the grill, where you get to tell the chef how you want your food.

Now over dinner, the Chef was asking S how she wanted her food (in English). And S replied in Hindi, but the Chef didn’t understand, so he asked her again (in English), and she replied in Hindi.

Now this bothers me a lot, but after having an argument with S about it (while poor A and M looked in the other direction), she made me realize that maybe my attitude might be a little snobby/elitist/orientalist/Macaulay’s Childrenist…or is it? These are the questions I pose to any readers of this blog:

1)Here in India, if somebody asks you a question in English, do you reply to them in English?

2)Do you consider it rude to reply back in Hindi when one of these Service people (Waiters, Shop assistants) speaks to you in English?

S felt (being American) that since people’s grasp of English in this country is poor, why not just talk to them in their ‘native’ language (S, if you ever read this, FEEL FREE TO STEP IN AND GIVE YOUR SIDE IF I’M MISINTERPRETING SOMETHING). Also, S WANTED to speak in Hindi(coz she wanted to practise her Hindi), so she did, and she felt that people were unable to understand her when she spoke in English.

I explained to her, that she speaks American English, and that too with an American accent, so it’s a little harder for people to understand it here. I almost didn’t get hired by HCL because they had trouble understanding my accent (My accent had a lot more American in it about 3 years ago, just having returned from there). Plus American English, as some people may already know differs from British English considerably. This really pissed me off when I went to America for my education. My English is pretty decent, but the English I spoke was British, and nobody understood me. I live in a flat, not an apartment. I throw my garbage in the dustbin, not the trash can. I take the lift, not the elevator. I use the loo, not the John (poor John). I put capsicum on my pizza, not green peppers. I pronounce it as Aloo-miniyum not ALOO-minum. (oh and then of course there is the Indianisation. The letter Double-You has been replaced by dubloo). How many times have I had to explain to people that I live in W block, not UU Block!

Anyway, I told her it sounded a little condescending when she’d reply back to them in Hindi, when they had spoken to her in English (even though that was not her intention). I also added that I think it is mostly here in the North that we consider Hindi to be a National language, and it’s not so true elsewhere – and to prove my point, I decided to ask the chef lady….

Trust me to get egg on my face – the chef lady looked like she was Pahari, or North-Eastren. So I asked her what her native language was – and she replied “Hindi”. Well that ended that argument.

Thoughts? Curses? Marriage Proposals?

NOTE: We can do without the chauvinism, i.e. “We speak better English than the Americans anyway” type comments, comprendo?

PostOnTheRun

Phew! Much Too Much Happening!

Ok, I don’t know if I’ll ever get to blog about the hings I wanted to blog about this week, so I’ll just jot them down real quick:

1) My Father’s best friend passed away this week. They’d been friends for 30 years. Death remains a mystery. The seed for a blog post is there, but I don’t have the time to get around to it

2) Me and ‘tango’ (see the comments for for on the last few posts so find out who Tango is) went to see a film…called….’The Film’…and we had the WHOLE THEATRE to ourselves (no, nothing naughty happened). Have to blog about this too

3) I have an ISB interview on Saturday/Tomorrow/Today depending on when you’re reading this. This is the 3rd time I’ve applied to ISB, and the 2nd time I’m being called for an Interview – but really, what do I have to lose?

4) Saket/Vulturo has been selected to be part of the IndiBlogger’s jury. This is good – we have ‘one of our own’ on the jury. Now I won’t need to resort to bribes to make sure that the award swings the way I’d like to see it go – in this light – I would like to propose that the IndiBloggies should function like the Oscars, not the f-ing FilmFare awards. Let everybody who is a blogger, propose who gets nominated, and who gets voted. This is a massive logistical task. I’ll do it once I have a well-paying MBA job hopefully 17 months from now – but in the meantime, couldn’t someone else give it a shot?

Anyways, I have to run now, tata and all that.